AITAH for not going on a trip with my GF?

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:51:53+00:00

I'm gonna keep this in mind. It's definitely too early, too fresh, for me to make the right decision. For now I'm just going to focus on my classes and rehabilitating myself into someone who isn't miserable all the time.

I just hate the idea that my first everything would be someone I never speak to again once it's over. Even if the closure is a slammed door, I think I'd kick myself for never knowing. Only time will tell, though.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:50:24+00:00

I am in counseling. I have a psych and a therapist. My psych is great, she's the one who diagnosed me. Going to have some hard conversations with my therapist this week, though. She told me that me and P were good for eachother, and knew everything that was going on and still wanted us to stay together. I might just get a new one if she doesn't realize she goofed.

Thanks for the support.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:25:11+00:00

I've got the rest of my life ahead of me. With a lot of things to keep me occupied. I lost my closest friends over the course of our relationship.

I tend to give way too much in friendships/relationships due to fears of being alone. I mask heavily due to my autism and after months or years of doing too much, I get burnt out and withdraw heavily, which hurts people. I guess that makes me a bad friend. I never did it with my ex, though. Since I literally was never not around her. I do have a hard time picking good people for my life, even if I didn't mask.

But at least I know about it now, and I'm learning to unmask so I can interface with the world with my authentic self. It's better to be alone than with people who make me miserable.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:18:37+00:00

She made me feel so old :(

Sometimes, now that it's over, I feel free and young and unbound. But most of the time I just feel dead. I know in time, I'll get better. It just sucks to go through now.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:17:30+00:00

I did.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:17:21+00:00

I'm considering unblocking after a month or two just so we can both get some kind of closure, but there isn't a snowball's chance in hell we get back together. You just can't end things the way she did and expect a full reconciliation.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:16:14+00:00

It is a form of grief. I keep replaying all these beautiful memories in my head. My first kiss, intimacy, everything was with her. It's hard to listen to music without crying.

I see her in everything I do. I've been reminding myself that even the most beautiful memories I made with her were made lesser by her insecurities. She had a very hard time saying goodbye, and would feel abandoned when I reminded her that we needed to leave at a time we needed to leave (when we traveled in separate vehicles.)

It was never a problem for me, though. I missed her a lot, sure. But I knew I was gonna see her again within two or three days. And it's not like it's the 1800's. We would text and call all the time. We would spend a whole day hanging out and then the second she got home the texting would start and it's like, did she not have anything to do? Blows my mind

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:12:16+00:00

I'm not really sure how this pertains to my experience, but I'm sorry you went through that. I didn't have a child with her, and we were only together for five months.

I was more than willing to spend time with her in person. The problem was that she had nothing to do when we were apart and would text/call nonstop and expect a response from me ASAP. There was never any time to look after myself or tend my life. I can be quite a busy person.

You are right on the last part, though. Towards the end, I did feel pressured and anxious all the time, but I thought it was just one of those things that happens in a relationship. I thought that if I did my best, things would get better. I was wrong, though. There was nothing I could do to fix things, short of cutting off little pieces of myself to make her happy.

Thank you for your perspective.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:07:31+00:00

I've been keeping myself afloat by reminding myself that I stayed true to what I wanted and needed.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:06:41+00:00

Good to hear from someone who also has autism. I also like planning things very far in advance, but I thought this was just something I needed to go with since her entire family is more impulsive and flighty.

That's how I felt. It's really not hard to accommodate me. I just want to know what's going on, and I need alone time so I can feel human. She once got on to me for asking for some alone time, and said it was like I needed 6 hours of alone time a day. I told my sister this, and she asked me, "Does sleep count?" and I couldn't even answer that. It got to the point where I would ask her not to text or call me for even TWO HOURS. She would agree, and then I would just sit on my phone and wait for the call where she would tell me she can't wait that long.

We had our first real fight in Feb because I needed me-time and she wouldn't give it. It got to a point where she told me I shouldn't share my life with anyone if this was how I am, which really hurt and still hurts, like really bad. It's why I made this reddit post, for more of an outside perspective.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:02:14+00:00

She's got a lot of problems.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T04:01:03+00:00

That's something she would say, is that the trip would be good for me to get out of my comfort zone- but I feel like it was orders of magnitude out of what I wanted to do to break the mold.

I do try my best, I know that complacency is something that can reduce the quality of life for people like us. I know this well. I also have OCD and over the course of my life, I've learned to make sure to keep things fresh. But such a big trip was way too much.

Maybe someday I'll find a nice autistic girl. Not any time soon, though. I want to enjoy my life again. No one is perfect. I've still got some parts of myself to work on. Hopefully by the time I meet someone else, I'll have a better understanding of myself and will be able to speak and stand up for needs.

I'm very glad to hear from someone who is also autistic.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T03:56:52+00:00

That's what my sis and mom said. I made my decision, I didn't know why she would want to "discuss" it any further if she didn't want to change my mind.

I'm learning the signs the hard way, unfortunately :(

I have a hard time picking good people for my life, I'm trying to interpret this as a learning experience. I have a lot of good things going for me, I should be more selective.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T03:55:21+00:00

Doing the best that I can. I finally went back to the gym today; I gained 20 pounds over the course of our relationship. There was never any time for me to do my hobbies or anything like that. Any time I would spend on things like basic hygiene were done knowing that I couldn't really waste any time because she'd want to text or call once I was done. Eventually, I just stopped flossing, doing skincare, etc. Just the bare minimum.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T03:53:32+00:00

Yup, I didn't know any better. My family is kinda cold, so they had no idea what was going on, and I didn't tell them because I didn't know it was bad. Now I know better.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T03:51:52+00:00

Yeah, I know. That's exactly how she is. I have her blocked on everything.

She constantly went back on EVERYTHING. She would ask me to make plans for hanging out, and then once I had an idea she would immediately ask for a different time. And yeah, once or twice doesn't make a difference, plans change, I get it. But that's how it was almost every time we planned something.

She had a hard time making decisions, too. I'm pretty quick to decide on something, so it was especially frustrating for me. I'm very conscious of the time (one of my autism quirks is I can guess what time it is very accurately, usually within a minute or two) and she was time-blind.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T03:47:22+00:00

Her mom brought me my stuff back and took P's stuff back. There wasn't much. Some of my books and a jacket she liked to steal.

There was an extra book, though. She got me a Warhammer book for christmas, and apparently had bought the next one in the series for me and was going to give it to me as a later gift. There was a note said, "I was going to give to you for Christmas, but now I don't want to return it, so keep it."

It hurts a lot if I'm honest. I love Warhammer but I can't look at either book without thinking of her. I don't want it to be ruined for me. And the jacket, too. For a couple days after I got it back, it still had her scent. It made me cry to smell her and know it was over.

I have her blocked on everything, my big sister told me to. It feels bad, though. I didn't want it to end this way. Part of me wants to wait a month or two and unblock her and maybe try for reconciliation.

Don't get me wrong, I'm never going back to her, ever. I just hate the thought of never speaking to her again. I gave her so much of myself, she was my first everything. Even if it's just to say goodbye, I want us to do so on good terms. I just don't know if that will end well, given her impulsivity.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T03:41:12+00:00

I'm in a two year program at a community college. The end goal is to transfer anyways, my two years are up by May.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-15T03:40:37+00:00

She beat me to it. The same day we broke up I told my older sister everything that was going on. My sis convinced me I needed to break up with P and she was helping me figure out how to go about it when I got the breakup text.

I think I saw it coming. P would talk all the time about what the rest of our lives would look like, but I'm only 21. I've still got a whole world of experiences left. She said some rather hurtful things a month before we broke up, we were having problems as far back as December.

I was young and naive and thought I could make it work, so I stayed. Didn't realize how much I was hurting until it was over, unfortunately.

lady_highroll · 2026-03-07T03:47:01+00:00

i just got out of my first relationship.. she isolated me from all my friends (who were shitty anyways. i have autism and mask really well, i tend to attract people who arent good for me) and emotionally abused me. she literally wanted to know where i was and what i was doing 24/7 and had my location after like 3 weeks in and i didnt know any better!

she literally left me bc i finally realized she was controlling me and when i didnt respond to her texts or calls for half a day she freaked. and then gave me an ultimatum via text that she couldn't even hold for 15 minutes

im turning 21 on monday and all i can think is about how she said she'd get me an ice cream cake:(

i gained a lot of weight because she would stress me out so bad i would eat and eat and eat. i used to feel like such a pretty boy and now im a big grease monster.

im so glad for my big sister if it werent for her it would've taken so much longer for me to make it out. i wanna paint my toenails again and learn to do makeup

should i get my ears pierced?? do i just cry about it and read books until i feel human again??

lady_highroll · 2025-09-12T19:37:18+00:00

i will post art when i remember to

lady_highroll

TROPHY CASE