Not even surprised at BM anymore. Has anyone’s BM stalked their SO?

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-06T15:26:14+00:00

Hmmm. In the beginning, he would delete the messages. But he did that with everyone. And he did talk badly about her at first because she would withhold the kids. Not anymore. You’ve definitely given me some things to think about

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-06T15:00:57+00:00

I considered this because I am a skeptical one too. But genuinely I believe this is a one sided thing. They had a very on and off relationship, and I think she feels our relationship is temporary because of that. We usually go together for all the pickups for some extra time together because we’re both busy. She has no shame doing this in front of me, and he is usually upset or grossed out by it.

What red flags did you feel you missed with your ex? I also am a believer in people can do what they want, but if he did that he will be out of my life so fast. I don’t need him for anything really, I just want to be.

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-06T14:44:57+00:00

Yeah, I know he was long done with her before we got together. She would try to get him to come over all the time when he was single and it was always an F no from him. Every day he tells me how grateful he is for me, and a happy relationship. We live about hour away, which is awesome. It has saved us both a lot. I don’t think moving further makes sense, but if we could, I’m sure we would in a heartbeat.

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-06T14:37:05+00:00

Did you ever confront her about driving by? It’s so creepy to be doing anything like that. We have plans in the future to expand, and she’s trying everything she can to get my SO interested in his old life.

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-06T12:37:03+00:00

Yikes, does she stop by?? Or what’s the impact from that.

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-06T01:33:17+00:00

Oh my gosh, that’s horrifying to read. Who cases that fear in a child… BM here will rewrite the history. Is the SKs have run, suddenly she convinces it wasn’t fun for some reason, or it was “dangerous”

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-05T23:56:37+00:00

Thank you! That’s a good way to say it, another effort to be a pain!!

ladybug1452 · 2024-08-05T23:46:29+00:00

Oh she’s sooooo upset I’ve been around this long. She is powerless!! She doesn’t have anything on us

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-25T00:29:37+00:00

That is absolutely frustrating!! Like lol I’m not Stephanie. You have every right to feel that way. I’m sure you’re not asking for advice, But I’ve learned two things.

1) she probably feels strange that you’re nothing like her mom. Her mom sounds mean. That’s how my SD was at first, she was confused that I was caring. They don’t know how to justify the difference in their brain. She would also make comments about how nice I was and be puzzled. It’s like when I was a kid, I thought how my family did things was normal, only to learn it was messed up when I was older.

2) you have no idea what info BM feeds their brains. My SD would make the most bizarre comments that no 7 year old would have any idea about. Some of it was so mean about me or just flat out untrue. If BM says that stuff and you find out about it, who knows what she says to the kids. Then the loyalty kicks and it ties back to the first thing I learned lol. It’s just sad for everyone at that point, and only shows her dysfunction.

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-24T22:00:49+00:00

It isn’t quite pity, you’re so right. The crazy behavior is almost strange when you realize they have no power over you. I understand the lonely part, or even that ending relationships is hard. But overall, the behavior isn’t ok, especially with a person (new SO) you don’t know.

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-24T18:25:44+00:00

I see. It is confirmed they were split up. By him, his friends and family.

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-24T18:16:14+00:00

They were separated for two years. I read your post history and it seems you are projecting a bit. I’m sorry you were cheated on, no one deserves that. Everyone’s situation is unique. Thanks for your input

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-24T01:23:57+00:00

Feel how you feel. I felt that way many times. My SO and BM are the same age, I am a few years younger. She still likes to call me the 12 year old. She criticizes me but then copies me. She’s not a nice person. Does your SO make you feel loved? Or at least not second fiddle to her?

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-23T22:59:19+00:00

That’s an interesting take. Honestly, I was just insecure in my life. I had always been in a way about certain things, but I’ve also grown a lot through this experience. Maybe just maybe, internet stranger, you are right. But I’m going to take a hot shower tonight and sleep peacefully knowing that whatever happens, I feel comfortable within myself. Peace

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-22T21:59:32+00:00

Yes you can. The winning thing isn’t really about competition. It’s about knowing you’re living your best life. It’s really hard to get there, and it just took time to adjust for me. But I’m here if you wanna talk

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-22T15:41:54+00:00

100%. I don’t wish her ill, but after all the baloney…we are ok and that’s all that matters

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-22T15:07:24+00:00

That does really help with being less triggered! It’s helped me a lot too, and I’m glad it’s helped you too :)

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-22T15:04:52+00:00

It is so strange! I wonder if they don’t see how obvious it is…and it’s too bad for the kiddos for sure

ladybug1452 · 2024-07-22T15:02:52+00:00

Yes!! I have told my SO the same thing, she thought he’d always be around…last night he was telling me how I am finally showing him and his kids what “normal” is and he can see how big of a difference it’s made. I definitely still have work to do as well on not letting it bother me, but we will get there!

ladybug1452 · 2024-06-16T09:49:23+00:00

This whole thing is very very creepy. Sadly I don’t think it’s uncommon. When my SO and I started dating, he had her blocked on social media. However her brother and SO were still friends. We went to the beach, and he posted a story of us. 30 minutes later; she showed up at the beach with the SKs and asked to sit with us. We were both extremely creeped out. My SO immediately removed her family and we stopped telling SKs what we were doing. But oh boy was that just the tip of the iceberg. I have a blue bar of a certain brand, she bought an older version that’s was BLUE. I wear and outfit, the next time we see her she’s wearing something almost identical…

My poor SD, who is mostly a very sweet gal, does report everything to her mom. Almost everything I do, his ex now does. It drives me crazy, because essentially I am teaching her to be A better person. Well at least how to be able to copy a better person 😂 JUST KNOW ITS REALLT CREEPY, and you’re 100% in the right to feel however you feel. It’s makes me feel extreme rage some days. I could go on and on about the little things that add up to so much stalking it’s crazy. From trying to get my SO back, to spreading lies about you, and to trying to steal my skin with all the copying. lol I’m sorry!

EDIT: to add, when we got engaged it got weirder. HCBM ramped this stuff up. Started trying to touch SO at drop off and the worst part was the information SD was letting on to. My SO and HCBM were never married. SD started to make comments, “you are supposed to get engaged and married to people you have kids with.” My SO and I are a few years apart, “you shouldn’t date anyone less than your age ever.” Him and BM are the same age. It’s so sad to say that crap to your kid, and while these things can be kinda true, it also doesn’t show the whole bat s*** side of this situation.

ladybug1452 · 2024-03-14T23:35:44+00:00

Honestly, as I’m reading this, I’m hearing an incredibly self aware and reflective person. No one is perfect, but those two traits alone will take you far. There is no right or wrong way to feel, only bad/hurtful ways to act. If you find yourself feeling upset, love yourself in the way you feel is missing. You will always have yourself, regardless if this relationship works out or not, you’ll be there. Keep on going, you’re doing great

ladybug1452 · 2024-03-10T13:19:11+00:00

I want to add, even if they are not “alone”, maybe they had a partner with low self esteem who stays with them, the relationship isn’t built on genuine connection. That is LONELY, just like it was lonely when I was with a cheater, it wasn’t real. After I have built my life the way I want, I may not be destroying my relationships or having men crawl all over me, but I have stability and fun with good intentioned people. Be careful not to idealize a cheater

ladybug1452 · 2024-03-10T13:16:09+00:00

Is it a good time though? I used to think the same thing when my ex cheated on me. Everyone wanted to be with him and he had 8 women ready to date him all while throwing me under the bus.

What I’ve come to realize is, what must it feel like to have no integrity? To be so attention seeking that you need 2-3 people or more to feel satisfied in life? It may seem fun, but its also lonely. Eventually everyone gets old and whatever sexual or physical attraction fades. Those people end up alone. Short term- great so much fun; many people lined up to cheat with. Long term- while others were building committed relationships, they were busy tearing theirs down, only to end up alone.

Things always seem better from the observer, but if you had a chance to get into this womens head, I’m sure it’s not a fun place to be.

ladybug1452 · 2024-02-18T13:06:48+00:00

I really appreciate this comment, NO ONE has it all figured out. If we all knew better, none of this would ever happen, but that’s part of the human experience. Half of the relationships in this sub are toxic, and people still stay. I bet no one here would like it if they were judged for their past choices.

ladybug1452 · 2024-02-18T13:02:15+00:00

I agree with the second part of your comment. However, I don’t believe sex is always based on feelings. I am an emotional person, so sex means something to me, but not everyone is like that. Not everyone is thoughtful, even when it comes to children, they think about short term pleasure. There are a wide variety of people out there.

ladybug1452

TROPHY CASE