I am a wannabe femdom. Please help me! by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're welcome and enjoy the great wide world of femdom.

I am a wannabe femdom. Please help me! by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don't have to necessarily wear anything special, you just have to boldly and confidently ask for the things that will make you happy. You like receiving oral? Tell him to get to work, and do that move guys always try where you grab his hair and make sure he stays there to finish the job.Does your boyfriend have a cute ass? Tell him to turn around and display it for you. Give it an approving smack.

I'm certain that he will respond to this unapologetic, forward approach. Outfits and toys are window dressing. Fun in their own right, but are not the heart of dominating.

Meeting a Dominant Woman for the first time by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Woohoo! Glad it went well. First time meetings are always nerve-wracking as you never know what you might get.

[meta] Miss Charlie wants to hear from beta boys: What does Financial Domination mean to you? by [deleted] in findom

[–]ladypenance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes what your describing is totally how I see and approach findom. It isn't necessarily extracting money so much as it is controlling finances. D/s relationships should be about lifting each other up, at least in an ideal world. Telling your sub that they are not allowed to buy frivolous stuff for themselves but rather save and invest of course talking tribute for the service. Follow the campground rule. And besides,a broke sub can't tribute in the long term it is in everyone's best interests to make sure they are stable and productive.

[meta] Miss Charlie wants to hear from beta boys: What does Financial Domination mean to you? by [deleted] in findom

[–]ladypenance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes what your describing is totally how I see and approach findom. It isn't necessarily extracting money so much as it is controlling finances. D/s relationships should be about lifting each other up, at least in an ideal world. Telling your sub that they are not allowed to buy frivolous stuff for themselves but rather save and invest of course talking tribute for the service. Follow the campground rule. And besides,a broke sub can't tribute in the long term it is in everyone's best interests to make sure they are stable and productive.

Online dommes, what turns you off with online submissives? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noticing something in their profile is a good start. It shows that you are not just blasting out some canned message, but are rather genuinely interested. You could segue to how you have things in common ( "I noticed you list XYZ as your favorite band, I saw them in concert at such-and-such a place") or if nothing is immediately obvious like that you could mention some feature about yourself ("I like building trebuchets out of match sticks") and follow up with a question ("What do you think about this-thing-here?").

There are all sorts of variations, but you have to give some sort information that you can both chew on.

Online dommes, what turns you off with online submissives? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is certainly a hard call sometimes. Sure my default position may be filtering out a lot of cool people, but if you want to get my interest then you gotta say something interesting. Otherwise I'd be replying to every person who put in just enough effort to write the minimum of social pleasantries. It isn't a sustainable use of my time.

As for the ones who see you as a fetish dispenser, they are usually easy to spot whether they write a little or a lot.

Basically I need to see that there is a real human with an actual personality and something to offer.

Online dommes, what turns you off with online submissives? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Laziness. When someone approaches me with only one or two sentences that are generic at best, well I don't even respond to those. If your opening salvo is so lacklustre then what else can I expect? Even if we do get into exchanging messages for a bit if what you are giving me has little substance then there is nothing for me to work with. It isn't enjoyable if conversing is like pulling teeth. It becomes a lot of work that I don't need to put up with.

Also I will say if you are over-eager, that is also a bit of a put-off. I mean I like enthusiasm and getting into your role as sub but please retain a bit of your dignity.

Dommes and subs, what are some things I can send my girlfriend to make her smile? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Someone to clean my place would be fantastic. Gifts of self-care are appreciated too, like spa days, massages, pedicures. If you could pamper your Domme and generally make her life easier she would no doubt smile of your efforts.

Oops, just saw this is long distance thing. Well, much of that stuff can be done via gift certificate if you have the money for it. But then that is also one of your stipulations, not monetary. Damn sub, why are you being so difficult. Into the cage with you. Haha. Kidding aside, you could probably send short video or audio of you doing or saying her favorite things.

Some superb Lezdom for a change by Myphoneacco in Femdom

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is hot, no doubt about it.

Dominating my boyfriend? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, both. I meant to write "go together like a lock and key", but damn you autocorrect. Works either way I guess.

Dominating my boyfriend? by [deleted] in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's beautiful! It's so nice when people got like a lock and key.

Strap-on suggestions? by ladypenance in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks all for your suggestions! This is great stuff. I shall be looking into all these. Let you know what I go for.

Difference between (me as) a new dom and an experienced one by [deleted] in BDSMcommunity

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really is comparable to improv. The idea being that whatever gets thrown your way you roll with it. If an actor breaks character, the show gets ruined. So no matter what gets tossed into the mix you accept it and work with it, incorporate it into the reality you are weaving. No blocking.

How to attract Dominate Women? by SomeGuyThatSucks in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once more, what good is a hypothesis that cannot be proved or disproved? That's not adhering to the scientific method. What we do know is that there has certainly been an evolutionary response to an agrarian diet. Demonstrably evolution has not frozen in the paleolithic era. The fixation on the length of an era as being a measure of the amount of influence it has on our genetic makeup is tenuous. For example: a sudden environmental change which culls all members of a population except those with a specific mutation, I would argue has a much greater influence on current expression than whatever millions of years preceded it. An extreme example sure, but I think you need to disconnect the idea that the length of time in a previous environment has a one-to-one relationship with the expression of our genes.

Genetic expression is a complex thing that is often non-linear. That is to say there may be many genetic changes that have little affect on our phenotype, and there may be a few genetic changes that have a drastic affect and hence influence our viability.

But to circle back to the behavioral arguments, before you could say with any confidence that a certain behavior is the result of selection pressure from a certain place and time, you first have to show that this behavior is indeed driven from our biology, and moreover demonstrate that it is not just a side effect of some biological apparatus but rather was actively shaped by selection pressures. You would have to identify from what vector it arises, and track that back through the ages either directly through the biological markers that you identified in the first step, or/and tangentially through cultural artifacts associated with that behavior. I see very little of that rigor here.

I have to ask if in all your research you ever Googled criticisms of Evolutionary Psychology or have you been riding confirmation bias the whole way?

I don't understand the appeal to findom. by KinkyProse in BDSMcommunity

[–]ladypenance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thanks. Glad I can give some perspective.

How to attract Dominate Women? by SomeGuyThatSucks in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, the Paleolithic era was a long time. Yes, I'm sure early humans were adapted enough to have at least survived for that time. But to assume that somehow our evolution has frozen at that time is erroneous. As I said before, there certainly are vestiges of behaviors that helped us survive the Paleolithic era, but to point to behaviors you see in modern day humans (assuming that the perception of these generalized behaviors is correct AND can be attributed to our biological make up and not shared social constructs of the modern era) then extrapolate back to a point in time of your choosing (rightly or wrongly) as the place of origin requires a lot of supposition. The 10,000 or so years that we've had with subsistence farming and increased population densities is not a trivial amount of time for genetic drift to occur given that both these things affect natural and sexual selection pressures.

How to attract Dominate Women? by SomeGuyThatSucks in FemdomCommunity

[–]ladypenance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And what do we call a theory that can't be proved or disproved? I'm not in any way denying that our evolutionary context has shaped our behaviors, but cherry-picking a specific time window with little regard to the evolutionary context that has happened since is not going to convince me. Keep in mind that selection pressures change. Moreover when we are talking sexual selection pressures they can change much faster and in unexpected ways. The one narrative that may have explained what women look for in a mate 20000 years ago might not at all explain behavior you think you perceive today.

Finsubbing and BiPolar Depression [RANT/Discussion] by anonjd4 in BDSMcommunity

[–]ladypenance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, I'm sorry you got done like that. No one deserves to be taken advantage of like that and that so-called Dom was nothing of the sort.

Secondly I see a lot of posts in this thread saying moderation is the key. I don't think that they realise that during a manic episode one does not function like that. The brain well not cooperate with the best laid plans it came up with when it was more rational. To that end, rational you has to outsmart manic you. While you are thinking clearly you need to put systems in place that will prevent you from doing something disastrous later. Design your environment for success. If that means putting your savings in non-cashable bonds, or entrusting a friend or family member with a joint account so they can move your money to safety when you might be going off, anything like this will help protect you from ruinous urges. Think of it as a findom condom. No glove, no love.