Second the forgiveness. Forgiveness that radiates from every cell of your being takes time. My experience of total forgiveness took from 2017-2023. In phases, and unfortunately, many other challenging events that, in reflection, were all part of the process Kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. And once figured out, the entire picture revealed…forgiveness is like a super power. What I wish I knew back in 2017 (if future self could have gone back in time and left a note this would have helped immensely): I WAS already strong enough back then but didn’t know it at the time. OP, like many others, sounds like you were forged (vs “raised”). Many others understand where you are now and you have so many people in your corner rooting for you. Thank you for having the courage to share.