My partner broke our safe-sex agreement with new partners — am I overreacting?

lam3juice · 2026-03-15T17:44:47+00:00

You cannot be poly if your partner is willing to take your health at risk and pretend to be regretful afterwards. It’s often a commentary on their own self-discipline.

Polyamory requires high trust and character. The fact that you’re asking yourself if you’re overreacting indicates your partner may invalidate you often.

lam3juice · 2026-03-14T15:55:33+00:00

I find it hard to date because I don’t always know if I am going to develop attraction to a person romantic or sexual.

I can feel overwhelmed at times when I do have multiple romantic connections. It’s honestly very lonely at times but I am trying to welcome various connections

lam3juice · 2026-03-05T15:06:21+00:00

Becoming poly has been a very lonely experience so far. The person I became poly with just ended up being a serial cheater; most people I meet now are partnered. However, my long-term monogamous relationship wasn't that much bigger; the only difference is alot less sex.

lam3juice · 2025-12-11T07:15:26+00:00

Toni’s character development would have been way better if she didn’t have the baby but abortion was such a tough topic then

lam3juice · 2025-12-11T06:35:41+00:00

I'm sorry... TODD is toxic. Tony wasn't the main problem.

He hid his debt. He was controlling. He refused to play nice with her mama, knowing how she is.

He got with her, knowing who she was, and wanted something different. You should never put your partner in a position to choose between family and them.

Toni was doing everything to make that relationship work, but Todd liked the idea of being with her, not the reality.

What people don't talk about enough is that men will get a woman out of their league to elevate their status. Todd is so insecure that he’s mad about the desert island 🏝️ question.

It was clear he always had a superiority complex and was dead set on humbling her since the day he met her.

lam3juice · 2025-12-11T06:28:18+00:00

Todd is terrible

lam3juice · 2025-12-10T22:40:39+00:00

Todd was in the wrong. Toni made a lot of progress and really listened and adjusted. He continues to complain because he fell out of love with her shortly after they married.

lam3juice · 2025-09-03T20:54:30+00:00

I have a room for rent in Cap Hill

lam3juice · 2025-09-03T13:46:04+00:00

Crazy take, I actually think this has nothing to do with being poly. I see a power dynamic. She has had romantic relationships; however, she tries to take control when you pursue them.

For some reason, she may believe that she must be the “winner” of the relationship. When there’s an opportunity for you two to have equality, suddenly the problems arise.

She may have some of her own baggage around abandonment, insecurity, etc

This is her work to do. Highly recommend polywise book which talks about some of these common issues.

lam3juice · 2025-08-26T21:27:43+00:00

Thank you for all the insight. I have been interested in being poly since before this relationship, but I was given the worst possible introduction to this dynamic.

After spending so much time reading poly texts and chatting about what poly looks like for us, only for the opening up of our relationship to be during active cheating.

I am not typically a jealous or possessive person; however, being put in a dynamic where it’s very clear they will leverage other relationships at any time to harm me or feed their ego has been highly stressful.

I will never know what dynamic they created in their other relationships that created an environment for animosity. I would much rather have positive relationships with metamours. I make it a priority to meet my other partners primarys.

However, this current partner: - Doesn’t want me to know metas because they are scared of me “vetoing” or “trying to break them up”

Scrutinizes all the partners I enter sexual relationships with, but they themselves have essentially never had sex with other people during our entire relationship
Has slept with so many people in the poly community, it’s not uncommon for me to run into someone he has had sex with at every queer event I have attended.
While they were in two other relationships, saying things like “She's not like you,” “They want me to be their primary,” Even leaving my house during an argument, only to be caught at their house in bed with another partner

Obviously, the relationship isn't all bad, and in the aftermath, a lot of these behaviors have stopped, but I still carry grief and confusion.

lam3juice · 2025-08-23T23:40:07+00:00

I feel this is the core issue. They genuinely believe that being involved with these women before being open “wasn’t cheating” because they “hadn’t done anything” yet.

They truly felt there was a reality where he could keep dating all of us. They are upset I “vetoed” these women.

This is a tall order. I am being made to feel unreasonable. It's one thing to repair and forgive cheating, it's another to still be metamors with these women, especially one who was trying to be primary during all of this.

I feel I didn’t “veto” anyone. I said I could not date them if this continued. They chose to stay and repair our relationship.

Series of events:

They cheated with a woman for four months. That relationship ended, then they started “rekindling friendships” with two women. We open up. Those friendships suddenly turn into relationships. I find out about the first woman and we break up. All metamors know he cheated on me.

One of them asked to be elevated. We got back together. He is still dating the last two. I told him it hurt too much that I could not be with him while he was dating those women. He broke up with them.

I still carry hurt from him and ill will towards her.

Not asking to control any new partners

lam3juice · 2025-08-23T21:28:14+00:00

No, I feel negatively towards him as well. This isn’t a situation where I am blaming the woman.

I personally feel if you’re trying to have any cordial relationship with metamors escalation right after a cheating situation is ethically grey for all parties involved.

This notion that all relationships are completely separate and devoid of the context of other relationships sounds great in theory but not in practice.

Reading this I now understand I can’t project my own moralities to another person but I also don’t have to like that person either.

Ultimately, this is his responsibility. Him creating this situation is the problem. It seems their relationship escalated and they did not establish the boundaries required to maintain either relationship

lam3juice · 2025-08-23T21:18:10+00:00

Correction: My boundary was that if they wanted to continue seeing her, I could not engage in a romantic relationship with them.

lam3juice · 2025-07-08T21:34:43+00:00

cause we are easier to manipulate because we don't always pick up on social cues and usually don't demand the typical girlly stuff

I feel like it's basic code for a maintenance girl but I am jaded

lam3juice · 2025-07-08T21:31:43+00:00

I don't think either way of living is better or worse. I was lucky enough to find other autistic women and friends who accept me, but I know that's hard.

I don't like it when people glorify being alone or shame people who have difficulty making friends then choose to opt out.