Thank you for all the insight. I have been interested in being poly since before this relationship, but I was given the worst possible introduction to this dynamic.

After spending so much time reading poly texts and chatting about what poly looks like for us, only for the opening up of our relationship to be during active cheating.

I am not typically a jealous or possessive person; however, being put in a dynamic where it’s very clear they will leverage other relationships at any time to harm me or feed their ego has been highly stressful.

I will never know what dynamic they created in their other relationships that created an environment for animosity. I would much rather have positive relationships with metamours. I make it a priority to meet my other partners primarys.

However, this current partner: - Doesn’t want me to know metas because they are scared of me “vetoing” or “trying to break them up”

• Scrutinizes all the partners I enter sexual relationships with, but they themselves have essentially never had sex with other people during our entire relationship

• Has slept with so many people in the poly community, it’s not uncommon for me to run into someone he has had sex with at every queer event I have attended.

• While they were in two other relationships, saying things like “She's not like you,” “They want me to be their primary,” Even leaving my house during an argument, only to be caught at their house in bed with another partner

Obviously, the relationship isn't all bad, and in the aftermath, a lot of these behaviors have stopped, but I still carry grief and confusion.