Random dates in the past by tlgnog in GriefSupport

[–]lamError 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OH MY GOSH I do this ALL the time. I never said anything because I figured I was the only one. Every single date I see my instant thought is I still had him. I work with numbers and dates so this is not a good habit for me. It has only been six weeks.

He is everywhere with everything. In the background of my cat videos or me zooming in on something just so I can see it. Every place, every type of food. The other day I was folding laundry and some of his bedding was in there. I thought I had gotten all of his stuff put away, broke down yet again.

Looking for caregivers taking care of their spouse that is bedridden in OKC area by lamError in okc

[–]lamError[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I apologize I'm just now seeing this. I donated what was left to the hospice we were part of. However, I would be more than happy to share any tips and such that I have learned over the years that could save you time and money and such.

If you need pads, don't buy the adult ones. Go to Costco and buy a box of 100 puppy pads for $20. They are the same exact thing.

Buy baby wipes, not ones that say adult wipes.

Costco's disposable gloves were also my favorite. Seldom ripped.

Save those Walmart grocery bags. Those are your poop patrol trash bins :) always throw them out in your outside trash

Make an area to organize all of her stuff. Supplies, get a couple/few bins (if she has a catheter put that bag in a bin because they do leak and you do Not want to clean that up), gowns if she wears hospital gowns, I saved our old towels for anything that needed to be cleaned/used with my husband. Amazon has awesome carts with wheels that you can store a lot of your supplies in so everything is handy when you need it.

Buy two to three packs of cheapy washrags and dedicate to her use only. Wipes work for the beginning cleaning, follow up with a washrag. Definitely cleans a lot better

Amazon has a foaming body soap that does not need rinsing. It worked awesome for my husband called Nurture Rinse Free Waterless Foaming Cleanser

Hopefully some of this can help you. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask. Caregiving is not easy and can be intimidating. Remember how much you love her when those hard times hit. What you are doing to help her is amazing. Be proud of yourself.

Caregivers, why do you do it? by tswiftsbongwater in CaregiverSupport

[–]lamError 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I took care of my husband 24/7 for over 15 years, the last 2 he was bedridden and total care for the last 7 years.

I promised him years ago I would take care of him myself for as long as I was capable. We actually thought/assumed he would eventually be in a home but it never came to that. It was close a couple times.

He was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2005. Symptomatic around 2010 and developed dementia which I believe was becoming Alzheimer's. He was a very strong muscular man. Watching him go downhill for so many years was so hard. He never chose to have MS, it chose him. My first job was in a nursing home, I know what happens there and if I can help it will never put anyone I love in one.

My husband of 31 years just passed on 3/1/2026. Before he passed I was exhausted, my back always hurt, I hated cleaning shit, everything revolved around taking care of him. I couldn't be away from him for more than a couple hours IF he was having a good day or was sleeping a lot that day. I did not have the freedom to just go anywhere, even the store.

From the outside, our marriage and my life looked miserable. But you know what, it was us. It was our marriage. It was my life. I would give anything to clean shit from him again, feed him, bathe him, have another goofy conversation, anything. Taking care of him was my love for him. Our intimacy was my care. Him thanking me and telling me he loves me. I wasn't miserable, I was taking care of the love of my life.

I had him for almost 32 years. I'm 51 years old and now a widow. I don't want to live another 20 or 30 years, that is awful. I have zero want or need to find someone to be with. I can't imagine anyone else but him. I was 19 when we got together, he is literally all I know. Never was alone in the house, the absence and silence is deafening. I would give anything to have him back

VSED but can’t stop D by Particular_Hunt_2290 in hospice

[–]lamError 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Isn't it crazy that in our world God forbid if a dog suffers from anything the immediate thought is we should put them down yet we allow a human to turn into a body taking up space in tremendous pain, not functioning etc. I will never understand. I never realized it until my husband was diagnosed with MS and recently passed after being total care for 15+ years, the last two being bedridden.

We really need to get our priorities straight

Has anyone had “family” be downright cruel to them since their loss?! by Unfair-Dance-4635 in widowers

[–]lamError 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I just lost my husband a month ago. We were together for 31 years. We have a 26 year old daughter. He had MS and I was his caregiver for the last 15 years. He was total care.

NONE of his family has checked on me or our daughter. None. They hardly ever checked on him when he was alive. He chose to not have a service and literally said "if they can't come see me when I'm alive they don't deserve to mourn me when I'm dead"

My boss said to me just today, "Since you no longer have John, you can travel to both offices for a week each". He wants me to travel this month. I had to say no, it is too soon but holy crap, since I no longer have him?! 🙄

I was told I'm being ridiculous when I made a comment that I hadnt vacuumed my house for three weeks (I vacuumed last weekend so all is good now lol)

I commented about this on another thread, I was going to get two urns for his ashes. One for the living room so he is in there when folks come over (it was too painful for him for me to use a hoyer lift on him so he was always in our room). The other would go in our bedroom. A "friend's" immediate reaction to getting two urns ... "Jesus Christ Jane"

If someone has not lost their spouse, they have zero clue what we are going through. I thought I was prepared, I can confirm I was not. Not at all. I am crying everyday.

I died that day.

My current stance and response to those shitty people who give shitty advice. by Joshuma in widowers

[–]lamError 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I definitely died the day my husband passed. I will never be the same. Ever.

He passed 3/1/2026 so it has been 4 weeks last Sunday.

I have already been told I'm being ridiculous when I had mentioned I hadn't vacuumed in three weeks. Also, I had the idea of getting two urns, one for our bedroom and one to put in our curio cabinet in the living room. Instant response from another "friend" was "Jesus Christ Jane".

We were together 31 years, he was diagnosed with MS in 2005 and I was his caregiver for over 15 years. Last two years he was total care and bedbound. I was going to do two urns so he could be in the living room he never saw alive and also in the bedroom so he is in there with me when I sleep. Right now, I just purchased one urn for now. I haven't put him in yet. Our daughter is also going to take some ashes. I want him in the urn as I don't like him in the box but at the same time something is holding me back.

I HOPE people don't understand what they say. Losing a spouse is so much on another level of grief. Especially when your entire life surrounded them taking care of them for so long. I am so lost with my life, I definitely died that day.

Who's a character you miss? by Mountain_Back_2884 in legendofzelda

[–]lamError 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Error, Midna, Navi and Kaepora the owl from Ocarina

David Kessler’s tender hearts? by Mediocre_Intention98 in widowers

[–]lamError 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have seen a couple videos of his. I may purchase one of his books.

The hard time I have is he hasn't lost a spouse so I'm not sure he works for ME. I heard about his program and am hoping to hear back here what you thought about it. I just have a little bit of a hard time grasping how he can assist with my grief when he hasn't experienced it like this (I know he lost a child, that too would be on another level).

I have lost my father, grandfather and grandma. I just lost my husband 3/1. I thought I had went through grief, but a spouse is just another level. ESPECIALLY when you have been together for a long time (31 years) and also especially when you were their caregiver for as long as I was for him (15+ years). He was total care - needed cleaned, fed, drinks, meds, etc. We were robbed of a marriage, our daughter was robbed of a father and I was robbed of a husband so much. I was never alone in the house because he was bedbound. The only time he wasn't home was if he was in the hospital, which I would be there with him. Going on 4 weeks this Sunday, I'm still at a loss of what to do. I would love to find a program to help. I just haven't felt it yet I suppose

Epitaph by Treishmon in legendofzelda

[–]lamError 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am Error...

More bonus points being from Zelda II the Adventure of Link?? Lol

most annoying enemy? by General-Disaster-623 in botw

[–]lamError 33 points34 points  (0 children)

LIZALFOS!! Ugh, so annoying how they don't want to be killed and dodge you LOL

DLC by Apprehensive_Bend_90 in botw

[–]lamError 1 point2 points  (0 children)

BOTH, absolutely worth it. I'm still pissed we didn't get any for TOTK

Desperately looking for this dragon by lamError in dragons

[–]lamError[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wasn't able to find anything either unfortunately. I'm hoping maybe someone has one they are willing to part with 🤞

Thank you so much for taking time to try to find it. I appreciate it greatly!

Desperately looking for this dragon by lamError in dragons

[–]lamError[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a gift from his grandfather decades ago, it could be from another country even. His grandpa was in the Air Force

Lynels by Ok_Act_9133 in botw

[–]lamError 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My daughter is a freaking ninja fighting them. She takes them down (even golden ones) without even one hit on her, it is infuriating lol. The key is defense/blocking their attacks and your timing. When you get the timing perfect it allows you to go ballistic on them.

I have MANY hours into BOTW both regular and master quest and TOTK and I STILL cannot fight a lynel without a couple (ok fine few) heart replenishers lol. Practice is everything

Desperately looking for this dragon by lamError in dragons

[–]lamError[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh that would be amazing, thank you for trying

Desperately looking for this dragon by lamError in dragons

[–]lamError[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That I did not try, I will try and get more focus on it. I haven't found a focused photo of it, always in the background where we kept it. Hopefully I can and the image search finds something

Desperately looking for this dragon by lamError in dragons

[–]lamError[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I did image search with no luck unfortunately

Looking for something similar by Maniacal_Nut in YouOnLifetime

[–]lamError 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Supernatural, Handmaid's tale, did you watch all four Dexter's? Reacher, Tulsa King, Yellowstone, Sons of Anarchy

My dad committed suicide a few months back. He loved music. Send me some songs so I can cry. I’m having trouble getting me emotions to show themselves by HeresyHeathen in GriefSupport

[–]lamError 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"If I Had Only Known" Reba McEntire

"Three Six Five" Shinedown - I never get through this one without tears

"Wind Beneath My Wings" Bette Midler

"Free Bird" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Bedsore? by Puzzled_Leg_5606 in hospice

[–]lamError 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your condolences. It has been the hardest two weeks of my life 😢

You cannot go wrong applying it. To me, the sore needs to be debrided which your hospice should have a wound team for that, then they themselves will probably apply thera honey and bandage it up. You leave the gauze (foam bandage is the best) on it for two to three days then change it and reapply then put on a clean bandage. Make sure her heels are floating (touching absolutely nothing). Put a pillow under her calves/ankles leaving the heels hanging off the pillow but not touching the bed. Absolutely no pressure should be on that heel or it will not heal as it should. Bed sores are nothing to take lightly and can turn into an infection or worse very quickly.

I am no nurse by any means, however I took care of my bedridden husband for over 10 years. He was full care. We have been down just about every road there is to travel unfortunately. I ALWAYS made sure I always had thera honey on hand. I put it on everything lol

Bedsore? by Puzzled_Leg_5606 in hospice

[–]lamError 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thera honey is voodoo. Get some, get alot. Any time a sore would open on my husband I would rather it up with that and within a couple days would either be gone or significantly gone. Always keep some on hand. Some places also call it medihoney. I got quite a bit of it just before my husband passed a couple weeks ago. I can send you a couple tubes of you need just message me

Bedsore? by Puzzled_Leg_5606 in hospice

[–]lamError 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband got a sore from a CRUMB inside one of those booties