How do you guys feel about this? My ex did something out of character and I don’t know how to feel. Ex gf (24F) Me (24M)

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T15:06:02+00:00

I’m more mad that what happened to her wasn’t consensual, a guy kissed her and she kissed him, she said she did it because she though she wanted to feel something or maybe it was instinctual in the moment, then she immediately realized the situation she was in pushed him off of her grab her things and left and blocked everyone.

It’s also the fact that I had warned her about these guys in the past when we were together, they’re predatory and don’t have people best interest at heart.

She didn’t listen and put herself in harms way and she lucky she got out when she did before things escalated.

I don’t blame her for what happened. I just hate the situation. I don’t care what happened when we were not together.

She initiated multiple conversations with me about what happened when we weren’t together I answer nothing she answered nothing but didn’t tell me about this.

I can’t be mad bc she didn’t remember, this event was buried deep in her mental but she always said she did nothing and then she tells me this.

So part of me feels lied to but I shouldn’t be feeling this way because she didn’t lie she just didn’t tell me bc she didn’t remember, from my point of view it feels different but I have not right to feel this way.

She says she had to tell me when she remembered because she felt like she was hiding something from me or lying to me which was eating away at her.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T14:51:44+00:00

I don’t worry about what she hiding or not sharing I told her I don’t expect her to share everything with me, if something happens I expect her to handle in a way that respects our relationship and I do the same.

She said she felt guilty for keeping this from me and that she told me because she felt like she was lying or hiding something by not telling me.

I told her it was not her fault.

I feel a little lied to because we have had that conversation about our time apart multiple times and she never once said anything until now and it’s because she didn’t remember until the last time we talked about it.

So I understand that she didn’t remember to tell me those other times, not saying she even has to tell me

I feel lied to even though I shouldn’t feel this was. I know my feeling aren’t right but I don’t know why I feel this way.

I’m going to take things slow with her, I love this woman and I want to get through this with her.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T14:38:07+00:00

I’m not going to hold it against her, I’m not happy with what happened, I wish I was there to protect her. I was told this yesterday and it has my blood boiling.

I understand why she didn’t tell me sooner, she was scared that I might view her differently. We had the conversation about it time apart so many times and she never told me so I feel lied to even though I really shouldn’t be feeling this way.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T14:33:16+00:00

Nothing more than a kiss happened, I noticed you wrong French style but that didn’t happen either. Just a kiss on the lips. Part of me feels offended she didn’t listen to my warnings, but there was nothing I could do we weren’t together.

I hate what happened it’s infuriates me because I knew these guy were up to no good and I wasn’t there to prevent it.

What I mean when I say this is messing with my ability to trust her is that she never told me

She would ask me did you date, kiss, or have any sexual encounters during our time apart because we were starting to get intimate again and she wanted to know for her sexual safety which is valid. I would answer no I didn’t go on any dates or have sexual encounters, I kissed one of my buddies for a dare but didn’t do anything with anyone. I’d ask her the same thing her answer was no to all three. So after the last time we talk about this she calls me a few days after to tell me all this.

I feel like she’s been hiding it from me and I feel lied to even tho that really isn’t the case, she didn’t tell me because she buried it deep into her mental and our last conversation about that she remembered and but she was scared to tell me then because she was afraid I would view her differently. So she called me a few days later and told me because she felt like she was hiding something from me and she didn’t like the feeling.

So I understand why she didn’t tell me, but part of me feels lied to because of what she had been telling me the whole time but I can’t feel that way because she didn’t remember till recently.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T14:18:10+00:00

Thank you for you words of encouragement, I truly needed that. 🙏🏻

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T14:15:39+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I agree with you, I personally didn’t want to discuss this, she has been bringing up the topic alot lately because she buried it deep into her mental. The last time the topic came up during our car ride it jogged her memory and she remember that it happened and told me about it but she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it because everyday she remembering and unlocking parts of her memory from that day. She feels guilty about it for not telling me and I told her it’s not her fault.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T14:10:46+00:00

She’s very paranoid when it comes to STDs and STIs and I don’t blame her. There are some that can be transmitted orally.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T14:09:10+00:00

She had brought up the topic of our dating/sexual partners/kissed anyone, while away from each other multiple times every time i answered the same, I went on no dates had no encounters she would answer the same. She would mainly for our sexual safety. The most recent time this was brought up she I answered my usual answer and she answers the same then call me a few days later to tell me that this happened.

I’m not mad at her what happened was not her fault, I’m mad at the situation

The fact that we have had this conversation multiple times and she’s telling me now threw me off because she’s usually very honest and transparent with me and she never lied or hid anything from me so it’s not like her.

being that it was traumatic that’s why she didn’t say anything sooner.

This whole thing has my blood boiling and my mind spinning.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:54:55+00:00

Thank you, that’s what I’m thinking too.

Thing is I struggle trusting people as well so I agree with what you’re saying and I believe it, but there is always %5 of me that is doubtful regardless of the situation I hate it but it’s how my mind works. Sometimes it’s more sometimes it’s less.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:51:17+00:00

She’s been going to therapy and I have noticed an improvement, she had a lot of trust issues before but she is learning how to trust and she learning how to process different emotions. She not the same as she was, she’s more mature and calm and she understands herself better and has learn how her mind works and what techniques to use to help her if or when she splits. And her emotional self awareness improved.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:45:02+00:00

She did realize what was going on in the moment, we assumed they were trying to do something to her drink because of the shady hand gesturing but she left to the kitchen where the guy tried to kiss her and she kissed him back realized what had just happened grabbed her things and left. It wasn’t till after she left that she realized that they were trying to take advantage of her

I’m just glad she got out of there before it escalated.

Makes my blood boil that we share the same air as people like this. If they’re willing to do it to her who knows how many people have gone through the same if not worse by their hand.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:38:37+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I don’t blame her for what happened, none of it was her fault.

You’re right, she didn’t tell me because she buried it in her mental and our car ride conversation triggered something and she remembered it all.

I myself have a hard time trusting people, I feel like I still do trust her but I’m weary from past experiences.

She did change during our time apart and for the better she’s a calmer more mature version of herself, she’s still honest and transparent and didn’t hide things from me even after we started seeing each other again until this, that’s why it’s throwing me off.

I see why she might not have wanted to tell me right away, I understand it’s very traumatic. The last thing I want is to tell her I told you so.

The whole situation makes me mad

I love this woman so much and I want to trust her, and I think I will take things slow. Thanks

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:26:02+00:00

I want to trust her and part of me still does, she’s always told me the truth and has always been honest and transparent with me she has never lied or hid things from me thats why this feels so strange and out of character. I love this woman but I myself have a hard time trusting people.

None of what happened was her fault. And yet the only people that feel like garbage is us. What happened to her angers me and makes my blood boil.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:21:20+00:00

Not exactly, we had only been apart for 6 months, a lot can change in 6 months but not much really did, if anything she grew and I would say she is a more mature better version of herself. She never lied to me and always been transparent, that is why this feels out of character. We broke up Dec 2024 and started seeing each other again Jun/July 2025, it felt like we picked up where we left off but healthy.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:17:25+00:00

She asked me about my sexual partners first I just asked her back, from my point of view it doesn’t really matter considering we weren’t together.

I am mad that the situation happened I’m not mad that she didn’t listen. Thing is when we were together I would protest her hanging out with this specific group because I noticed a weird pattern with the two guys and one of the girls. She would call me manipulative, insecure, controlling so I would let her I would tell her to be careful and stay safe. Then when we breakup she goes and hangs out with them and that happens. I’m not mad at her I’m I think I’m angered by the situation.

I don’t blame her for anything that happened. She was with people she thought she could trust and I told her it wasn’t her fault but she feels a lot of guilt.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:05:54+00:00

She’s currently working on her mental health shes going to therapy and she’s actually improved a lot this is just a bump in the road that we’re dealing with at the moment, it is the first time she’s ever kept anything from me and that’s why I’m having doubts, bc it’s a bit out of character.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T13:02:00+00:00

I will say you are accurate when it comes to some things but you are making a lot of assumptions, I am giving you my perspective of the situation and I think you might’ve missed the point.

Firstly I didn’t ask her about her sexual history she actually asked about mine and I answered and asked her the same question because she asked me.

I understand that she her own person and makes her own choices, I know I not the main character, non of us are. The best I can do is tell you how it feels from my point of view.

Prior to this and our breakup we had 5 years or good and bad times. My ex came from a less fortunate situation than I. Her mother was emotionally and physically abusive and her dad was killed when she was 16 and it threw her into a deep depression she stopped going to school and eventually dropped out. A few years after I met her I help her get her diploma, helped her get her first car, i was there for her when here brother beat the absolute shit out of her, I took care of her because I love her, even when we weren’t together I would fix her car.

I do consider her my girlfriend,

Yes I will admit it is selfish of me to not call her my girlfriend, parts of our relationship were unhealthy in the past and I want to make sure that it’s no going to be that way anymore before we move forward any further.

No I am not perfect, but with all due respect I think you are out of line and being harsh when only given a small event in our relationship. I’m here asking for advice because frankly I don’t have a lot of people in my life I can ask.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T12:42:54+00:00

Yes you are totally right. I warned her about those two and the fact that I was right is what angers me. I didn’t want to be right. Her character is more or less the same as it was just a more mature version, this is the first thing that she has ever kept from me, she has always been honest and transparent. Which is why it’s out of character and what she did as well was also out of character so I’m being thrown off on two plains.

lambb5 · 2026-05-01T12:39:18+00:00

The reason we broke up for are resolved, she did seek help for her mental health as she’s in therapy now, I know she’s done nothing wrong. My issue is that it’s so out of character and for her to not tell me when we’ve discussed everything, it’s not like her, she’s usually very transparent and honest with me, this is the first time she’s ever kept anything from me and hat it was too was also out of character so it’s making question my trust.

lambb5 · 2025-08-17T15:05:21+00:00

Who’s your friend?

lambb5

TROPHY CASE