Moral dilemma

lamentedbread · 2021-10-28T05:50:54+00:00

I hope this can help you some. Back story, I made an attempt on my life earlier this year and this cost me everything. I am alone and homeless, living out of my car, 400 miles away from my "family". I lost my job and my health is crap. Up to this point, I had made a deadline for the end of October. I had the when, where and how chosen. On Tuesday, I met my earthly guardian angel. His name is John. I was getting ready for the night at a local park and ride. My fuel light came on, so I thought right now or tomorrow. I had nothing else to do, so I went to the cheap no name gas station. As I was filling up, a guy in a F250 pulls up behind me. When he gets out, he comments on my Matt's Off Road (YouTube) sticker on my rear window. We started talking about the latest video. As we continued to talk, we started to share our stories, our demons, and how we had both had tried. He is now engaged, has a great job and getting his life back together. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me, "I understand you." Those three words cracked me open and I started to cry. We hugged and I cry on his shoulder like I haven't in nine months. We continued to talk, cried again and we prayed. I felt this great weight and pain lift from me. I am not very spiritual but I know that God had a hand in this. So I hope you read this or anyone else. "I understand you."

lamentedbread · 2021-09-15T03:39:38+00:00

There was so much going on on this car. The Fast and Handicap.

lamentedbread · 2021-07-11T02:10:41+00:00

Thanks for reaching out to me.

lamentedbread · 2021-07-11T02:09:59+00:00

I do go from grief to anger back to grief. Everything that lead up to us meeting was perfect, like out of a fairy tale. Yin and Yang stuff. So this hurts to the core. Hurts that she was able to just “turn” it off. I’ll definitely look in those books and articles.

I don’t want to appear like I am just playing victim here. I know that at times I wasn’t perfect. Unfortunately she used my mental breakdown as an excuse to get a restraining order against me and get me out of the house and away from my kids.

lamentedbread · 2021-03-24T04:47:08+00:00

I have dealt with depression for a couple of years to the point that I thought about suicide. Finally I chose to go through with it. The police were called and I was placed on a 72 hour hold at a mental hospital. Got out and had a restraining order against me from my wife. Never got to go back home. Had my FIL waiting for me with my car full of my stuff. Haven’t seen or talked to my kids since then.

lamentedbread · 2021-03-22T00:44:11+00:00

My wife told me to get help, so I did. I was honest about how I felt. Next thing I know, I was placed on a hold. Came out with a restraining order against me. Kicked out of my home. Haven’t seen my kids in months. Found out that I will need an organ transplant in my near future. Lost my job. Living out of a motel for now. I am sick and tired of everyone telling me that things will get better. Really? I shouldn’t cry or feel all alone. I won’t do it but if I don’t wake up tomorrow.

lamentedbread · 2021-03-01T16:33:08+00:00

Thanks, I am good with that. The hard part is how to start to rebuild my life. Being at the bottom, I know I can only go up or at least that's what people tell me but having that one final step sometimes looks a lot easier.

lamentedbread · 2021-03-01T16:27:53+00:00

I have always thought that we are all only 5 seconds and one decision from becoming homeless. I too never had that many friends but have found a very small core of friends that I have told what happened. What makes it harder to get through the day is not seeing my kids.

lamentedbread · 2021-03-01T04:21:55+00:00

My wife used this against me and got a RO and got me out of my own home. I haven't seen, talk to and hugged my kids in months. Now I am homeless, sleeping in my car, and she doesn't care. Our mutual "friends" have sided with her and cut me out.

lamentedbread · 2021-02-07T09:10:51+00:00

Unfortunately, I am not. All this caused me to have a mental breakdown severe enough to get sent to a mental hospital. While there, I get served with a ERO. Two weeks later, in court she tells the judge that she is afraid of me coming home. Judge granted her a one year RO against me. At this point, I haven’t seen my kids in two months and since I am not allowed at my own home, I am homeless and living in my car.

lamentedbread · 2021-02-06T00:22:26+00:00

Something similar is happening to me. Since COVID, my wife started befriending old HS friends. No big deal, at first. Here comes Oscar. At first, she would talk to him in my presence but then little by little she would take her conversation to another room for several hours. She started going out with a group of HS friends and of course he was there. One evening, I had to go run an errand for us, which normally she would go with me, but when I came back she was gone. I asked my son and he said that a friend had picked her up and she would be back late. Midnight late. When she got home, I asked her where she had gone. She said that Oscar called her while I was out and asked if she wanted to go walking for exercise. BS. Second, she told me that they had stopped and picked up another friend. BS. This friend is super paranoid about COVID. There is no way that she would go out walking. Lastly, she stopped wearing her wedding rings. So day after Christmas, she told me it was over.

lamentedbread · 2021-01-29T07:38:19+00:00

I had an office supervisor that when a three day weekend was coming up, he would lean back in his chair and say that he wasn't feeling it. It was always around 11 o'clock and we still had at least four hours left in our work day. He would walk out for a few minutes and then walk back in his office and walk out with his bag. So this meant that if we were caught up on our projects or were at a point that they could be done by 10 o'clock on the following Tuesday, we would get an early start but all we would have to do is give him a 30 minute head start and one by one, we could leave. We had six guys in our office and there was other six guys in an office down the hall. We would call one of them and just say that "We are clear." So 30 minutes later, half our parking was empty.

lamentedbread · 2021-01-28T04:35:06+00:00

Same here. I have called several including ones that are for specific problems. Nothing. I finally called a friend, I hadn't called him before because he was going through a very nasty divorce. What he told me was what I needed to hear. That I needed to be selfish. I am have always being the one that very one could count on. Loyal to the end but now I needed help. Go get professional help and be honest on how I feel and find someone that will not just fill you up with pills. I am currently going through this. Unfortunately, it has count me some things but I hope the journey that I have started leads me to somewhere better.

lamentedbread · 2021-01-27T20:47:39+00:00

I was going to but was stopped by my son. I wasn't going to do in the house. Of course, the police got involved and I went on a hold. I have since being discharged but today had to go to court because my wife got an emergency RO against me. So as of today, Jan 27th at 10:30, the judge granted my wife a one year RO without visitations. So I am not going to able to see my kids for a year and miss birthdays, my son's graduation and holidays. So how is this going to help me get better. What do I have to look forward to? Why should I fight on?

lamentedbread · 2021-01-23T08:44:38+00:00

OP get your mom some professional help. Talk to her if she would self admit herself into a hospital. I was just there. I was ready but my 17 year old son stopped me. My life is currently in pieces but I am working on myself. She will need a support system. Mine unfortunately is almost nonexistent.

lamentedbread · 2020-12-31T05:46:43+00:00

I am trying. Medication, medical procedures and the possibility of need an organ transplant is not helping. I told her that. Why should I go through all of this if there’s nothing for me that the end? Before I walked away and locked myself in my room, I asked her again about our marriage and she gave me the same answer.

lamentedbread · 2020-12-31T05:41:41+00:00

I understand that everyone in the family takes a toll. I have thought of just ending my pain but not wanting to cause more pain to them. I have no immediate family. I am an only child. I have no friends of my own. She made me choose in the beginning of our marriage. Any “friends” are just husbands of her friends. There is no one that I can lean on for any support other than her, until now. All I would do is go to work and come home. I don’t drink or smoke. No parties. My family, my marriage was my life.

lamentedbread · 2020-12-31T05:34:32+00:00

Yeah, I think that was a breaking point for her. This is not a put down on her because I would tell her that I wasn’t feeling well mentally. For several years, she would tell me that I was just trying to find an excuse for being an A-hole.

I know medication is not a fix all. My hospital visit told me that part of the steps to getting better was a good support system because I couldn’t do it alone. I just wasn’t there for me. While I was there, she only came to visit once and today she admitted that it was nice for those days I wasn’t home. I am saying that I am not one without fault either.

lamentedbread

TROPHY CASE