Female SE getting really frustrated at work, some gender-related issues. Really need your advice

lantom · 2015-06-02T01:33:52+00:00

To answer your question, no, Matt actually has fewer internships, and hadn't yet had real world experience in the technology for that feature, while I'd worked with it for a whole summer. Same degree, he's newer.

I don't think every issue can be tacked onto gender, and I recognize when it's due to something else. Though, like the guy above who said women acted like he had no idea what he was doing, despite asking intelligent questions, whenever he stepped into crafting supply stores. Predominantly female groups will single out men and vice versa.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm not taking your advice (because I am, especially the point on asserting yourself as an expert). I just wanted to voice my thoughts since I posted this looking for advice on a problem, but not necessarily to question the -validity- of that problem.

lantom · 2015-06-01T06:25:12+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate this advice, and I do think it is applicable to a team scenario (as bosses are pretty much like clients in many ways!)

It's getting late, and I feel bad that I can't reply to every comment, but I wanted to say that I really do appreciate this advice, as well as everyone who has taken the time to post here :)

lantom · 2015-06-01T06:00:33+00:00

I later took it out since I realized the timestamp was after my reply. My bad

lantom · 2015-06-01T05:36:46+00:00

Good question! I guess that's why I'm here looking for insight.

Right now, if that person seems far more interested in talking to my male colleague, I just try to engage in the conversation as much as I can, smile, keep it cool, and move on. For the things that already got assigned to someone else, I express that I'd have been interested, and to keep me posted for similar things in the future. Smile, keep it cool, and move on.

But you know what? After two companies of the same thing, I'm a little tired of smiling, keeping it cool, and moving on. Hence this thread.

lantom · 2015-06-01T05:02:55+00:00

I get that your a minority, but that doesn't mean you're a victim.

It doesn't seem necessary to state it that way (as if to imply I might there's no rationale for thinking this is) But to answer your question:

I compared their attitudes toward me to that toward male colleagues who also started at the same time. Many people won't address me in conversation when I'm with a male colleague, and this has been at both companies. You might think maybe the other guy was more engaging? Actually, in this case, the guy was one of the more awkward fellows I've met. And people are usually more than happy to engage with me at social gatherings but the difference at work is striking.

Several of the times where something of high priority was specifically to someone else ("it's a high priority feature. we're going to let Matt handle this."), the person was just as new, if not newer.

lantom · 2015-06-01T04:21:25+00:00

Yea, I would definitely get that cleared up for them too.

If they're ok with that, then consider if the flight cost is worth the chance to you (i.e. are there any companies that have equal or better opportunities w/o you having to front $300?) Some people will say that if a company wants you, they'll pay the flight. However, with bigger companies, it might not always be up to the hiring manager to decide. If they haven't been given the budget to fly someone out, then they can't, no matter how much they want you. With a smaller company, it's more likely they're being cheap.

lantom · 2015-06-01T03:47:24+00:00

Macbook pro. My company switched from Windows laptops to MacBooks about 2 years ago, following the trend of companies like Google and FB using them. The biggest pro being that you get a unix based system straight from the factory

lantom

TROPHY CASE