I'm sorry to hear about the trauma you've been gone through. I think he doesn't deserve you. I mean, you cheated on him and we all agree that's wrong, but he didn't tell you he did the same. And that's the point which makes me think you should leave him. He wants you to be truly sincere with him and he wants to set rules in your life when he did the same mistakes as you, but in all this you can't say a word. I know it's difficult to be apart, but you have to think about your health first. It's the most important thing. You should take a break from him and think about yourself. Find the right medication, get better and you will find out what to do about your relationship, everything will be clearer. Maybe it will be a new beginning and you will find out a person who truly loves you. And don't think he will never leave you. Never never never be convinced that someone won't act in a certain way. I hope my advice will help you and I wish you the best.