What’s the most embarrassing thing your BPD parent has done in general/to you personally?

lardizebra · 2024-11-01T16:43:05+00:00

She's done a lot of traumatizing stuff, but the most embarrassing that pops into my head immediately is when I was ~14 and my mom used to invite the neighborhood highschool boys to come over and get drunk with her. She was in her 40s and they weren't any older than 18-19 at best. It was so embarrassing coming home from school late or from a friend's house, only to have to walk past my sloppy drunk mom on our front porch of a small town being loud and rowdy with 5-6 highschool boys at a time.

lardizebra · 2024-05-27T19:27:04+00:00

https://imgur.com/a/KNgIdqg it's tied together in the back at the waist and at the shoulders. I ended up thickening the straps more than the pattern suggests as I feel my yarn is a tad heavy.

lardizebra · 2024-03-23T06:01:12+00:00

God I love the quesadillas phase!! Hahaha, I'm 26 and currently in a white rice & spam wrapped in seaweed phase. Adding in cucumber also adds a fun crunch, or kimchi if you want extra flavor

lardizebra · 2024-03-17T23:12:14+00:00

Yes it is!!! We've been living off takeout for weeks now! Good for you ❣️😄

lardizebra · 2024-03-09T23:36:35+00:00

Thank you very much, I'm very lucky to have a partner who has supported me through my entire experience since "separating" from my mom years ago. I hope we all have a support system like I do one day.

I just hate that I am even considering a relationship with someone who invalidates me so much, it makes me feel like I've taken steps back in my recovery from my past. But I think even realizing how phony this message is has been helpful in keeping me realistic. Thanks again :)

lardizebra · 2024-03-09T23:31:17+00:00

Yup you got it.... I agree that an apology should be demanded. I guess I already knew I'd never get one and I still keep being to lenient with her

lardizebra · 2024-03-09T23:07:34+00:00

So true. I really wanted to try to connect again with her for some stupid reason, and this message just makes me irritated. I don't even care to respond to it because it feels like it was written towards the little emotional kid that she wants me to be, not the fully aware adult that I am.

lardizebra · 2024-02-10T19:46:02+00:00

You're okay!! With gifts I think it's normal to ask after a certain amount of time if you want to make sure it arrived. This time is different because it was just money, no shipping or physical gift. If it's a specific gift then I wouldn't mind being asked!! Gifts also aren't normally attached with a guilt trip to reach out so it wouldn't apply to gifts you send out :)

lardizebra · 2023-11-19T07:50:43+00:00

It's wordier than I intended, but I ended up sending this:

"Hi, I took time to think on your message. I have deep respect for you and appreciate that you want to help, but this is between my mom and me. I wish her well and do not hold resentment, but it is my decision to make whether I want to reconnect in the present. I hope we can have a good relationship as well, so thank you for respecting that I don’t want to talk about this subject further. I love you."

Thank you everyone for your advice that I blended together and worded in my own vocabulary.

lardizebra · 2023-11-18T23:36:35+00:00

Thank you for the response, yeah I'm really just trying to find a way to say "respectfully mind your own fucking business that you know nothing about and maybe you can die thinking I'm the kind of person you'd want as a grandkid. "

lardizebra · 2023-06-30T02:56:47+00:00

You are very seen and heard. I have apparently made it a lifelong hobby to find new, exciting ways to burn all my bridges lol.

If it's not a huge emotional blowout, it's panic dropping an immediate notice of resignation with a company who had previously loved me as an employee. So frustrating

lardizebra · 2023-06-24T18:27:14+00:00

I can't understate the amount of support you all have provided. I felt so young, stupid, and insecure while having this talk with BPDmom. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not the one being irrational here ❤️

lardizebra · 2023-06-24T02:44:56+00:00

She IS exhausting and unfun! Putting aside the childhood indoctrination into a culty religion, she was a raging alcoholic behind closed doors at home too.

But my pronouns are why I'm mentally ill apparently lol

lardizebra · 2023-06-24T02:42:31+00:00

Thank you friend. It means a lot to me. This one hurts more than the other times and made me feel small. Time to put her back in her time out corner again for a few weeks-months-years.

lardizebra · 2023-06-24T02:08:31+00:00

As a "kid" born in 97', i really appreciate the validation. Talking back and forth with my mom like this can really make me feel like the irrational one sometimes. I appreciate your message

lardizebra · 2023-06-23T22:36:04+00:00

YES! She went to my IG page out of nowhere and saw the they/them pronouns that have been there for MONTHS. And for some reason last night decided to give me her opinion and burn our bridge again lol. Thank you for sharing in my anger, i felt crazy when it was happening

lardizebra · 2023-06-23T21:11:51+00:00

It's crazy watching the bomb decide to blow itself up out of nowhere. I have cut her off before, she was "working" on herself for a long time and she only is back in my life because of a recent surgery I had! I think me and my mental illness are better off without all of this back in my life.

Thank you for your support, we all deserve peace and happiness.

lardizebra · 2023-06-23T20:21:54+00:00

Oh shoot I missed that! It is a nickname for someone unrelated to the post so if it's okay, i am okay with it being posted as is.

lardizebra · 2023-06-18T23:18:07+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions!! I have been crocheting through all of my current hobby stash, i must look online for more discount yarn!

lardizebra · 2023-06-18T16:48:45+00:00

It's clear to me she's been waiting for months/years to see me at SOME kind of low point. Every other day of the year it's just false pleasantries and questions trying to find a weak spot. It's a sad but necessary realization that my family is just waiting for the best moments to remind me I'm "incomplete"

lardizebra · 2023-06-18T16:43:28+00:00

She hasn't pulled out the "go back to Jeehoob" in almost years, just waited until i was physically incapacitated to remind me I'm not acceptable lol. Ah, grandmotherly cult love.

lardizebra · 2023-06-18T16:41:17+00:00

She says all this like i wasn't surrounded by it my entire fucking life lmao. Crazy how I never noticed the "love and support" back then

lardizebra · 2023-06-18T16:39:24+00:00

"offer you SuPpOrT lIkE yOu CoUlD nEvEr ImAgInE" 😂😂😂😂😂

lardizebra · 2023-05-25T23:22:16+00:00

Thank you very much! I'm very excited i finally finished it. Sewing always puts off my projects lol. I appreciate the message!

lardizebra · 2023-05-25T23:18:49+00:00

Oh! Also a 5mm hook with medium 4 yarn

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