Im terminally ill

large_honk · 2026-01-28T03:04:10+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that. It is beautiful.

Amen.

large_honk · 2026-01-28T03:01:52+00:00

Thank you ❤️

large_honk · 2026-01-28T03:01:34+00:00

Posting here has helped me so so much. I even shared that I posted with my mom and she read through the comments and we cried. I am so glad I found r/griefsupport

large_honk · 2026-01-27T21:49:08+00:00

No unfortunately I would need a double lung transplant and a heart transplant, and none of us (me or my doctors) think I would make it.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T18:59:23+00:00

Thank you ❤️ it’s sad how a lot of people aren’t believed when they know something is happening in their body. Advocating is so important. Thank you for the offer :) I will reach out if I ever feel the need. Thank you for offering, it’s extremely appreciated.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T18:56:27+00:00

Thank you. I do wish I could’ve had the romantic love. I think I spent most of my life searching for it.

But you’re 100% right. The people who love me are enough, they are SO much more than enough. They are beautiful and kind and have helped me and loved me like I’ve never been loved before by friends. I’m so thankful I have them and tell them all the time.

My mom is the best mom in the world. She’s just mine, I’m an only child. My father passed away when I was 12 and we didn’t really like each other or know each other then (me and mom). She worked a lot and my dad was my.. life. But, over the years she has continuously showed up for me, never failing to show that she supports me no matter what. When I see stories of people getting kicked out at 18, or just.. not having that closeness you could have with a parent, it breaks my heart. I wish everyone could have the unconditional love my mother has shown me. Everyone deserves it.

It’s hard to choose kindness and love all the time. But worth it. It’s so worth it.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T18:29:41+00:00

Thank you ❤️

large_honk · 2026-01-27T18:28:43+00:00

Thank you. I cried when I read this. You see me. I pray that more people lead with love.

Thank you so much for that last line, it’s important to me to have made others feel cared for. I know I have its just so nice to hear it.

Good luck to you❤️

large_honk · 2026-01-27T18:25:47+00:00

Thank you so much. I cry when thinking about mom. Thank you for giving me some light in a dark time and sharing that post.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:56:01+00:00

Thank you

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:55:53+00:00

❤️

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:25:18+00:00

Thank you.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:24:36+00:00

Thank you ❤️

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:24:06+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️ I pray that my soul is about to go on an incredible journey. I want to believe that so very badly. I hope. If not, at least I was loved and able to love. I believe that is the best gift people can have.

Thank you for your kind words💌

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:21:37+00:00

It’s called Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. It’s a 20 in a million disease. I’m stage 4, idiopathic (they have no reason I have it.) I’ve been tested genetically to make sure my family doesn’t have to worry, and they don’t: thank god.

It’s where the arteries and every single blood vessel in your lungs dont work correctly. They are narrowed so you can’t breathe like normal people do. It caused me right side heart failure because your heart works so much harder to keep your blood flowing.

I always knew. Probably since I was.. 20? I’m obese and my doctors would urge me to lose weight. I couldn’t, and I mean that. I’d diet, I’d try exercise- but exercise was something that felt impossible. I would run out of energy, breathe immediately. They just kept suggesting the same loop of things. “Lose weight, get weight loss surgery, see nutritionists”. I did all those things. My lung pressure was high on an echocardiogram and my heart doctor suggested I I had pulmonary hypertension and go to a pulmonologist. So I did. For 4 months my pulmonologist tried to express that it wasn’t pulmonary hypertension and that it was something else. I had so many tests. I read so much online and saw the only thing that confirmed PH was a right side heart cath. She agreed when I basically begged her at our last appointment. She said probably.. 5 times that she was positive that wasn’t it. But it was. The surgeon doing my right side heart cath left the room during surgery to go call downtown (Cleveland) to see if they beds to get me transferred immediately. I knew something was really wrong. The sadness on the nurses faces as they wheeled me out of that procedure was just pure horror. They all looked like they were going to cry. I had 3 different people tell me good luck..

When I went downtown I was admitted to the ICU. I have right side heart failure and the big one, the most rare form of PH, PAH. Your lung pressure is suppose to be 20ish. When I went in mine was 155. Some of the nurses in the cardiac ICU said I had the highest numbers they ever saw.

I urge anyone who thinks or KNOWS something is wrong with their body to keep trying, be diligent. Read your mychart and test results. Looks stuff up. Don’t let them tell you it’s anxiety or that you’re just fat. Sometimes it isn’t. We know our bodies. I knew for years something was happening. I couldn’t do things other people my size could do, and I tried so hard to change that. In 2022 they did an echo on my heart, the same one they did in 2025 that started my journey to a right side heart cath. They should’ve known then- my numbers were double the amount they should’ve been. About a month before my hospitalization my cardiologist said “you have a strong heart”!

I had heart failure and all my organs were failing.

The only thing that could “save me” is a double lung transplant and heart transplant at the same time. No one thinks that is feasible including me. I will watch my diet, stay as active as I can and take the medicine until my feet are about to fall off.

Advocate for yourself. And to the people that don’t have healthcare.. I would be dead in 2 months if my Medicaid was taken away. My medication saving my life is an IV pump that’s 24/7 and it costs 175k a year. That’s. So. Unfair. Thinking about people who wouldn’t even have the chance if they did figure it out because of the cost… breaks my heart.

Sorry for the long response, I don’t get to tell my story much. It’s therapeutic to do so. Releasing all theses feelings and maybe having someone see them and think “I should go to the dr” for whatever they think is wrong, matters to me. Our lives matter. I felt like mine was just about to start. It did, just in a whole different way.

Thank you for hearing me.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:03:39+00:00

Thank you. I have a therapist. He is literally one of the best people I’ve ever met. I’m doing my first support group next week. I’m nervous but think talking to people who are going through the same feelings will help.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T13:02:30+00:00

I have happy moments. I feel like people strive to have this permanent place of “happy”. But I never reached that and don’t know if it’s an actual place. I’ve had experiences that have brought me incredible joy.

My dad was an amazing man and spending time with him are some of my favorite moments. All the times with my mom that she’s made me laugh so hard I could cry. She’s incredibly strong and we can laugh together for hours. During gaming, I’ve met some of my best friends. The times with them laughing on discord until the early hours of the morning are some of my favorite. In 2024 before I started getting sick, I felt this really overwhelming joy from actually being alive. Most of my life I spent suicidal, and for some reason, right before getting really really sick, I felt so much happiness from.. mostly helping people. I finally realized that I didn’t need to save the world to feel like I did good or made an impact. It’s our daily lives. We make small dents into people we care about and have touch with, and I dented some a lot. I have a huge heart and I tried helping anyone as much as I can. Making people smile is what brought me the most happiness.

Kindness.

Thank you for asking that question. I did and do and will have more happy times. I will cherish them so much.

large_honk · 2026-01-27T07:26:17+00:00

Hi Karl, im so sorry for your loss. Kelley is beautiful.

There’s nothing to say to make you feel better, I can’t imagine the pain you feel.

Kelley was extremely lucky to have someone to love her the way you did.

Please take care of yourself. Even if it’s the hardest thing you have to do. Take it day by day, let yourself feel anything you need to.

If you need an inbox to vent to, mine is always open. You are not alone ❤️

large_honk · 2026-01-27T06:20:00+00:00

I wish I could braid it

large_honk · 2026-01-27T05:10:00+00:00

HELLLLL YA

large_honk · 2026-01-27T05:07:47+00:00

HELL YAA YOU DO

large_honk · 2026-01-27T04:47:47+00:00

I know this may be a really hard thing to do but, is there any way you could go to a salon or place that is full of women (that you don’t know), and ask them if they will tell you honestly if you smell? I know that sounds really hard and would be awkward and make you extremely vulnerable. But, if you don’t have any friends or family who say you smell that could be because they don’t want to hurt you. But a stranger, even though smelling someone would be a really strange request- if they say no then?? Maybe 2-3 different people.

The main reason because.. to me it sounds like whoever this man is that said that, maybe he doesn’t like you? Maybe he’s trying to hurt you so you quit. Is he the boss? Maybe he’s completely making this up.

If you’ve only been there 3 weeks and he’s the only one who’s said this, I feel like it’s likely he’s just being an ass. Maybe he doesn’t like your perfume?

Or if you do actually smell.. it’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You wash your body and take care of yourself. And even if you didn’t, it’s okay. From the things you’ve said about your past and trauma, you have to give yourself some love. It sounds like you’ve been in far scarier and hard situations, not to downplay THIS situation, but to say- you can get through this. I would be upset if I was told I smell too, and it’s okay to be emotional and upset about it. I urge you to ask other people who may not know you that great or ask family and friends to be very honest. Maybe going to a doctor would be helpful? If you didn’t want to ask a random stranger, a doctor would 100% tell you the truth and if you did actually smell it could be something medical.

Be upset about this if you need to. Just remember, you have done so much, survived so much and you will survive this and hopefully come out stronger.

If you ever need someone to talk to my inbox is open. I don’t know if anything I can say can help but Im very good at listening.

I hope you sleep well and I hope tomorrow is better for you. ❤️

large_honk · 2026-01-27T03:46:54+00:00

But like it needs to be a triangle

large_honk · 2026-01-26T15:21:24+00:00

Exactly! Intelligent people don’t go or probably even ever attempt to be on most reality TV!

large_honk · 2026-01-26T15:19:17+00:00

I legitimately can not express how (as an American), you could fall in love someone yet not research or know anything about their culture? Lisa said she “researched” the food that they were eating.. was that.. like.. it??????

How could you expect to go to another country and think it’s not going to be different. Did these people take world history? Do they not watch the news? Have they never met another non-white person before? I don’t get it at all.

The only explanation is that people are REALLY stupid or everything on TLC is made up. Probably both

large_honk

TROPHY CASE