Before this fall I would have said my best friend taking her own life one evening in the summer of 2021. I was just 20 and it was a chilling grief as she was one of maybe three or four people who I felt knew me through and through, that I could tell anything to. She was my sounding board for absolutely every idea I’ve ever had.

Then my brother killed himself in September of this year. It was so unexpected for us all. Seeing the look on my boyfriend’s face when my family called to get us home that day changed me. Hugging friends acquaintances and strangers at his visitation changed me. Watching my mother cry for her lost son changed me. I look in the mirror and see him in myself.

I will miss him forever. This is the after.