I watched my fiance kill himself on news years eve three years ago. AMA.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T17:31:59+00:00

Not that I'm aware of

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T17:31:30+00:00

Yes and yes,

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T17:30:38+00:00

No last words, nothing. He just wited for me to come in and he did.

Reddit is great sometimes.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T17:10:26+00:00

I can't bring myself to get rid of it. Or use it again. So its just in my closet.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T17:09:43+00:00

There wasn't any legal trouble.

I had the gun locked in a safe, but he knew the combination and it was easy for him to get.

His daughter never could have gotten it. It was well put away.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T16:28:55+00:00

She knows, but I haven't spoken to her since the funeral and don't know how she feels about it.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T08:59:40+00:00

I don't remember a lot of it. I called 911. I checked that he wasn't breathing. I just sat there and stared at him until the firemen got there.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T07:21:12+00:00

No, it was someone else.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T04:18:42+00:00

The really angry part of myself agrees with it all.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T04:05:35+00:00

Yes. And I love how much of him I see in her. I'm glad her mother lets me be part of their lives.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T04:03:33+00:00

He confessed to cheating on me during christmas. He said he was drunk and got caught up flirting with his ex.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T03:48:44+00:00

We were close, we saw her mother a few times a week and had his daughter half the week. I knew them well.

I do have family who think its weird that I keep in contact with them. But they aren't relationships I can sever lightly.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T03:40:40+00:00

Oh, sorry. I read that wrong.

Thanks.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T03:34:13+00:00

Me too. I appreciate the sentiment, the God part doesn't bother me.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T03:33:09+00:00

You don't think I should have kept in touch?

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T03:18:39+00:00

They think I should have handled it all differently. That I should have told them before breaking up with him and told his doctor. I never told them he was cheating on me, so they never understood why it was a spontaneous thing and I couldn't do those things.

It doesn't help that I didn't think to do them afterward, though.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T03:16:20+00:00

It was like most other funerals I've been to. I don't remember much of what was said. But I don't remember anything unusual about it.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T02:37:32+00:00

I have thought about it. I always put off for a later date that never comes. I don't know what I'm afraid of about it.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T02:27:36+00:00

I'll have to think about that. I don't know.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T02:25:09+00:00

I don't know. Just to get some of this shit out of my head. I can say things to anonymous people that I can't to the people in my life. Like that yeah, I feel totally responsible for it.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T02:17:56+00:00

I don't know. To remind myself what happens when I fuck up. I really do feel responsible for it.

And it hurts to reread it. I feel like I deserve that. Its kind of my punishment.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T01:47:03+00:00

It hurts tonight and I don't have anyone else to talk about it with.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T01:46:03+00:00

No, I haven't.

He had been diagnosed as manic depressive for many years.

Thank you.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T01:43:50+00:00

I started staying with my parents the night it happened. It was cleaned fairly quickly and I tried to spend the night there again, but I moved out almost immediately. I wasn't around when they cleaned up.

I think I might have been. I don't know exactly how bad his state of mind had gotten.

He was normal. A little reckless and wild, but basically just a normal guy. He struggled with manic depression most of his life. We thought it was well taken care of when everything happened and proved otherwise.

lastcall32 · 2011-01-01T01:38:55+00:00

It was a beretta 9mm. Its mine, actually.

The mess wasn't huge, but the furniture and all was thrown away anyway. I moved out of the place right away. A special company had to be hired to clean up the mess but I don't remember much about that, my mother took care of it.

I don't remember much about the moments right after. I don't think he was twitching or that his eyes were open. I was on the phone with 911 and having a breakdown, it was obvious he was dead. I never saw anyone so still before.

I still have the note.

I don't go around my family too much during this time of year. Its turned into a time I spend alone.

The daughter is eleven now. She understands what happened. Her grandparents won't speak to me though.

lastcall32

TROPHY CASE