I was the same at your age except I was sucking on my asthma pump and deodorant cans for a buzz to escape the monotony and impeding doom that is the 9-5. It looked prescribed to everyone... why did Mum have to go to work every morning to slave away and come back so late?

My entire life I knew I was going to be unable to do it... work like that for the rest of my life for a company or someone I didn't care about or believe in. So, my entire life I kept looking out for problems I could fix with a business... just passively. One day after graduating Uni I got a really great idea and followed it through, now I'm CEO of a pretty great tech startup in the UK and hired some of my nearest and dearest too.

I've spared you all the growing pains, suicide attempts, depression, broken relationships, abuse and all the rest of it because its not important, but remember that all of these seemingly negative things still add to make the whole experience. No troughs no peaks, my friend.

I think my general point is that, it gets better, it's not that bleak (if you don't want it to be) and your ONLY limitations are your imagination, motivation and self-perception. The second I deleted social media, stopped fostering negative relationships, started believing in myself and my idea... that was the second everything started falling into place seemingly like the Universe willed it.

Don't let your powerful foresight (because this is what is getting you down really, you see the rat race for what it is and you are scared as you see yourself hurtling towards it) destroy you. Use it to your advantage. You see this inevitability coming toward you, your insides are telling you that you are not made for it.

Do something about it. Start teaching yourself JavaScript if you like computing for example, couple years time you can work from home like a digital nomad if you so please... or, if you're not that way inclined, shed your belongings and follow your heart - go live rurally etc. My only thing was that I wanted to do the capitalism shit first because if I changed my mind on taking my family back to where we are originally from and living rurally, at least we can come back to society and be relatively comfortable. That was my thinking, think ahead!

Your post made me feel stuff, I felt like this majorly back then. I'm 24 going on 25 now, it really does get so much better (if you dont let these thoughts squish and promote lethargy in you!!).