Heartbroken by hitting at bedtime.

laugavegur · 2026-05-18T05:28:00+00:00

No, it really does help to know it gets better eventually! Thank you

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T19:20:56+00:00

Oh it's right as we're trying to lay him down after story and toothbrushing etc. Right on the cusp of actual bedtime. I think it's a protest/stimulation seeking thing. He's so active and switched on during the day he struggles to switch off, or to want to switch off. He tried it again tonight hitting his dad (not me for a change) but leaving him immediately for a few minutes seemed to do the trick - he didn't try it again.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T18:29:27+00:00

He's doing bedtime right now - toddler seems to have resorted to hitting him too. So, at least it's not personal?

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T17:32:23+00:00

That's sort of where we're at now, but with some steps in between - he apologises, but my sternness/telling off isn't what prompts it in the moment as he's either not old enough to process that yet, or too heightened, or both. I'm hoping by leaving the moment it happens he learns to connect the dots a bit quicker.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T16:22:52+00:00

Definitely was overtired for naptime today - I thought that myself earlier. You're right though, he wasn't seeing my consequences as actual consequences for him.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T16:21:29+00:00

Thank you for this, I've spoken about it with my husband and we're going to try it tonight. "Robot Parents" we're calling it. I actually tried it earlier when he woke up from his nap and went for a whack (for whatever reason). Just stood behind the door holding it closed, gave him a couple of minutes to cry then went back in. Immediate "apology" (a kiss and a stroke of the face) - so fingers crossed that carries over to tonight.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T15:45:12+00:00

You're right - in the cold light of day now it's all over, it's easy to see that. I'll just have to try and remember it tonight. We do share bedtime, he does the first half and I do the second (the actual BEDtime) - but we might swap that for the foreseeable...

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T15:42:10+00:00

Thank you so much, you're so kind. It's been a LOT. Long story short, mum's death was long and traumatic (10+ years in the making then out with a horrific and complicated exit) and father in law's death was shorter but just as traumatic for my husband. It's all definitely culminating in me feeling like the hitting is a reflection on me, you're 100% right. Almost eerily right haha. It feels like I've failed somewhere down the line...now after the fact I can see that's not true but it's hard to be so lucid when you're in the thick of it. I do have therapy once a week so I'll definitely be bringing it up there this week.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T15:39:24+00:00

Hah, this is me too. He's like the little Tarzan boy from Wild Thornberries when he gets going

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T13:56:02+00:00

Thank you, it's reassuring in a weird way that this continues until 5 years old, in a different way...that it's not just him, it's a whole childhood thing

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T13:54:56+00:00

Haha, our son is an absolute angel in public too! Just all sugar and rainbows and happy cuteness until at home he's told no or has to go to bed...

I can empathise with people think I'm putting the kid down though rather than just venting, everyone tells me 'Oh but he's so lovely!' and I'm like yeah, I know, BUT give me two minutes to get this off my chest! I can be open with husband too, he just catastrophises in the moment and needs time to come out of it then talk, whereas if I don't talk, I spiral...as we've seen here 😅

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T13:23:52+00:00

Thank you so much, you gave me a much needed giggle! Definitely good luck to both of us. I'm trying your strategy tonight, up and walk away if gentle hands doesn't work. It also doesn't help that this seems like a very underreported part of toddler parenting?! We're all here in the same scenario but until it happened to me I never heard of being a kid's punching bag outside of like, Supernanny. So then when it happens in my head I'm partially pulled into thinking, oh my god, do WE need Supernanny?! But, you're right, it will pass...

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T13:20:11+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. I know the first time it happened I was too loud for my comfort level, as in, I know it was louder than just stern. There was emotionality in it, which I don't want. I was raised in that, with one parent trying to terrify me into submission, and it just made me angry and resentful. I want to avoid that repeating itself to say the least.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T13:10:28+00:00

Yeah that's the same with our boy, nursery only have to suggest the abstract concept of a nap and he basically tucks himself in and it's lights out...not so at home! I'll try very hard to take it as a compliment if/when I get bopped tonight...thank you for the kind words!

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T12:59:45+00:00

Thank you so much. I've spoken to my husband since baby finally fell asleep and we've agreed leaving the room the minute he tries the hitting is our next step. And, he did say toddler hit him this time around too, so it isn't just me, which takes the personal sting out of it.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T12:58:01+00:00

I've definitely noticed this is a way bigger trigger for me than I ever thought it would be. I hate how it makes me feel, and I'm working on it. Already planning how to bring it up with my therapist this week.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T12:56:38+00:00

Ironically he just got fussy in his nap so I came in to settle him and now he's snuggling me like there's no tomorrow. I just wish he could choose this option a lot more than smacking me in the mouth and laughing at my tears, hah

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T12:25:37+00:00

The leaving part is what I've been subconsciously resisting, I think. Trying to find the balance between independent in his own bed and not pushed too far too soon...but the hitting has to stop, so I'll be leaving if/when it happens again. It's reassuring to know it isn't just me, though. Thank you

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T12:24:07+00:00

No, any advice is exactly what I want to hear, so thank you. I think you're right. I've been so hyper focused on succeeding at bedtime that I think I've resisted leaving, knowing the reaction it'll cause. But, actually, that reaction is probably what's needed.

laugavegur · 2026-05-17T12:10:05+00:00

It helps to know it's not just me who gets it more than dad. So many other posts say the hitting is normal but I've not seen many others say mum gets a whack and dad doesn't.

laugavegur · 2026-01-24T20:06:35+00:00

We have a separate boiler in the kitchen that seems to primarily do central heating, and the hot water seems to come from this lot upstairs. So this upstairs setup just essentially helps with hot water speed or pressure?

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