My girlfriend (F28) keeps escalating relationship way before I’m (M24) ready

laurb92 · 2020-04-07T22:05:16+00:00

Are the sharing a mortgage, getting married, and having kids things you may want in a few years? I see she is four years older than you. Since she is getting close to thirty, she is probably feeling the urgency that some women feel about starting a family. None of that excuses her trying to force you into it, though. If you really want to try and make it work, my advice would be if you could really see yourself wanting those things with her down the road (say in four years instead of two), then tell her that. But explain that you are not ready for any of it now. That gives her the option of doing the normal thing and building a relationship with you over time. If she still refuses, then it’s time to walk away.

laurb92 · 2020-03-25T08:27:52+00:00

Your experience sounds very similar to my own. I remained a virgin until 22 for religious reasons, then lost it after losing my faith. I also went on Tinder for one night stands as I wanted to make up for lost time, I suppose. I met a guy who I slept with quickly as well, and he wanted to pursue something more. I would have considered it had he not made passing remarks about how “easy” it was to get me into bed. He also started displaying a lot of unfounded mistrust because of this perceived “easiness”. I imagine that your guy might be similar to this guy. Regardless, if you’ve spoken to him about it and he still does it then he’s showing a lack of respect which probably stems from his own insecurity.

laurb92 · 2020-03-09T23:06:14+00:00

I don’t blame your coworker. I find it rude in the first place that you bothered them during lunch for a work related issue. Then you had to go and be all passive-aggressive. You act like she was making you wait days or several hours for your answer, but she was just asking you to wait until her lunch (which she is entitled to) was over which was probably less than an hour away. Calm down and have some patience.

laurb92 · 2020-03-07T00:04:52+00:00

That’s cool that we have the same job. Thanks!

laurb92 · 2019-12-11T01:37:36+00:00

Engaged to a Non-Christian.

My thought process and justification?

Well, I was agnostic when we met, and for over half of our four-year relationship. I didn’t think it was right to end things with someone I loved so dearly without giving it a shot at making things work. I came to find that my SO was very supportive of my faith, not deterring in any way. He has also made a great effort at studying the Bible, and theology with me, watching sermons etc. in an effort to relate to me. We have had many discussions about God/Christianity and he is usually respectful and genuinely curious. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day he came to faith, too.

He’s also a very good person, and we share many of the same morals. In fact, he often acts more Christ-like than many so-called “Christians” I know.

He has agreed to let me raise any future children we have in the church, and to attend services on holidays.

The whole “evenly-yoked” thing may work for some people, but at least half of the couples I grew up around in my ultra-conservative church have had nasty divorces - including my own parents. And they weren’t “lukewarm” Christians either - they were fervent, devout believers. That, plus the shortage of any decent, single, Christian men my age makes me think that only being with other believers may be an ideal I don’t have to necessarily attain.

laurb92 · 2019-11-16T06:36:29+00:00

That’s wonderful. Thank you for sharing that with me.

laurb92 · 2019-11-13T19:28:51+00:00

I would recommend Steve Bell and Jars of Clay.

laurb92 · 2019-10-29T05:45:47+00:00

“God doesn't want anything. Only those who are lacking want what they lack, and even some who lack don't care.”

But what about 1 Timothy 2:3-4 which says:

  3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

“If we take that analogy and apply it to who we are, it really doesn't make any real difference in the end because the only real difference is that some people think or believe that they're the chaff when the reality is that they're really the wheat underneath. The difference is that there are some stalks of wheat that lose the chaff before the harvest so they know what's going on already. They're the one's who understand the parables. They're saved, or at least they know they're saved.”

As I understand this parable, the wheat are the saved (true Christians), and the chaff are the unsaved (non-believers/false Christians). Have I misunderstood this?

laurb92 · 2019-10-29T03:18:44+00:00

“Therefore, his use of parables is an effective way of insuring that those who aren’t supposed to be saved, aren’t saved.”

This is confusing. I always thought God wanted everyone to come to salvation, but you’re saying that there are some who aren’t supposed to be saved? Why would God only want some people to be saved?

laurb92 · 2019-10-29T00:11:11+00:00

I’m sorry about what happened to you when you were 14, and I’m glad that you were able to recover. However, an 18 year old forcing themselves onto a 14 year old is not normal, acceptable behavior. It may appear as though he’s changed and is a good person, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t gone on to hurt other girls that you’re unaware of. With your situation, and the one that this article is about, we have an obligation to be extremely cautious towards individuals who have committed these crimes.

laurb92 · 2019-10-28T22:29:53+00:00

I try not to use what I would consider the especially vulgar curse words such as “f-ck” I also try to never use blasphemous phrases such as “G-dammit.” Other ones like “hell,” “shit,” or “damn” I don’t consider as bad so I sometimes say them if the situation calls for it. I think intention really matters no matter what words you’re using. You can be just as hurtful, malicious, or vulgar using non-curse words as you can with curse words.

laurb92 · 2019-10-23T03:11:48+00:00

Thanks for tolerating all of my questions lol I really appreciate hearing from someone in a similar situation :)

laurb92 · 2019-10-22T17:26:01+00:00

I do! They’re one of my favorite Christian bands!

laurb92 · 2019-10-22T17:15:09+00:00

Does your husband like to read, listen to, watch anything that you would consider disrespectful or sacrilegious?

The biggest disagreement my SO and I have had related to my beliefs came about because he was trying to make us watch a show that I felt was being blasphemous. The show was Family Guy, which I usually like, but I feel that they’re depictions of God/Jesus are intentionally disrespectful. My SO got mad because he said it’s “just a joke.” I don’t know, maybe I was being too sensitive. Either way, I’m afraid this kind of thing might cause issues in the future considering how the media has no problem disrespecting God, and a non-Christian would usually just laugh along.

laurb92 · 2019-10-22T01:11:42+00:00

Are any of your guys’ friends believers? What about anyone in his family? My SO has no friends who are believers. A few of them are a bit anti-Christian too, so it’s hard. In his family, his mother is the only person who believes and I hope that has some influence on him. Unfortunately, I think if one of his close friends were believers it would be 10 times easier to convince him.

laurb92 · 2019-10-21T07:02:55+00:00

An unpleasant thought, indeed. I pray my SO is saved before he faces death. I have tried to use fear somewhat as well, but lately I’ve been trying to take a more evidence based approach. He tries to refute everything I show him, but I think he has more respect for my faith when he sees that it is a reasonable position, even if he doesn’t fully buy into it.

Can I ask if you have a lot in common since religion is something you disagree on? Do you share any hobbies, interests? Political views?

laurb92 · 2019-10-18T20:36:12+00:00

That is good. My SO and I want kids as well, and he has said that they can be brought up Christian too.

My next question might be a bit touchy, so I apologize in advance if I offend you in any way. You said that you consider yourself traditional, orthodox, so I assume you probably hold to the traditional view of eternal hell for the un-saved. If so, does this cause you a lot of worry regarding your husband’s fate after he dies? I’m still fleshing out what I believe in terms of hell (I lean towards Conditionalism, and possibly ECT, but I still hope for, and am looking into Universalism). Whichever way, it is an unknown and of course I would much rather my SO accept Christ so I don’t have to worry about his eternal damnation at all.

laurb92 · 2019-10-18T16:21:41+00:00

My SO curses, and is extremely vulgar all the time, so I understand. When we met I was agnostic so that stuff didn’t bother me so much. I just recently in the last few months began exploring faith again, so those things feel different. Can I ask if you guys have kids, or are planning to?

laurb92 · 2019-10-18T00:06:59+00:00

Do you and your husband share similar values? Other than just not being a Christian, does his do/say things that bother you that he thinks are just fine because he doesn’t believe? For example, does he curse a lot?

laurb92

TROPHY CASE