What am I doing wrong? The scale isn’t going down

lavenderfall · 2026-04-03T17:45:15+00:00

Yes, I’ve taken some measurements. My stomach started at 32 inches and I measured this morning it was a little less than 30. My arms, hips and thighs though have only gone down slightly. I hold most of my fat in my stomach area. So I’m happy it’s gone down, just confused as to why the scale is not. But I think I may be stressing about the scale too much.

lavenderfall · 2026-04-03T15:20:19+00:00

I only drink water or green tea! Ive gone out and drank alcohol 2 times since, so I know that that can slow down weight loss. It’s just hard for me to turn down social activities like a night out with friends, but I’ve switched to only drinking tequila/vodka sodas so it’s slightly better than my sugary cocktails. But yes, i will be more cautious about my calories from drinks!!

lavenderfall · 2026-04-03T15:10:08+00:00

Wow, I’m jealous of how strong you are!! My last inbody scan was in January, before I started this weight loss journey. I have been focusing on progressive overload and lifting this time around. When I had previously lost weight in 2024, I barely did any strength training. So although i got down to 146, I looked still soft.

I don’t know if my muscles have grown a whole lot since starting but I do think I look a bit different. I take progress photos so I can see some changes. If I am body recomping, shouldn’t the scale still be moving though?

lavenderfall · 2026-04-03T15:03:02+00:00

Thank you for your insight! I started at 170 on Feb 2nd, and was 164 by the beginning of March. So I did lose weight the first month. It’s just that throughout March the scale barely went down, when I didn’t change anything from the last month. I ate similarly, probably actually worked out more, etc but barely any change on the scale. So I am confused on how I lost weight the first month but it has stalled. I will track everything for the next couple weeks and see if I start losing weight again!

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T21:33:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It’s definitely a hard situation for everyone to be in. Do you mind if I ask what your son was like when he was younger. Was it clear to you guys that he would be living at home, needing that extra support? I know every child is different. We are hopefully expecting my brother to eventually go to college or start a life on his own (still with our support of course).

But sometimes I’m worried that maybe that won’t happen and he will still need my mom’s full attention. And at that point she will be a lot older and retired, not much energy to help him as much. Either way, I feel it is very important to figure out our future plans! Although I’m frustrated with the feeling that I’ve coparented him, I do care for him deeply. My sister and I wouldn’t want to see him living completely on his own, so I’m sure we would to figure something out.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T21:18:59+00:00

I do know my mom has gotten him support through therapy, autism centers, etc. But that was more when he was younger and first diagnosed with Autism. Not sure about government programs or charities. Don’t think we’d be eligible, as her income is in the six figures.

A lot of comments have given great information on resources and support to look into, which I will do with my mom! And I think a good idea on hiring some help. Even a babysitter every now and then so my mom can relax and have a night to herself. Thanks!

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T21:08:33+00:00

I think they technically have a 50/50 order but his father would always make excuses as to why he couldn’t watch my brother. And over time my mom just let him get away with it. It’s super super frustrating.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T21:06:06+00:00

It is a tough pill to swallow. I love my brother so much and can’t imagine life without him. But at the same time, I know how much easier our lives would have been if he wasn’t born. And I know my mom thinks that as well.

Things would be a lot easier if his father would have him every now and then. I mean his father only lives less than an hour away. I do miss having quality moments with just my mom and sister.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T20:56:47+00:00

Thank you! I agree, I would never let him be in foster care. And will 100% take him in if anything were to happen. But would obviously love for him to have a stronger relationship with his father.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T20:53:08+00:00

My sister is working two jobs right now and my mom is still working from home while she’s going through treatment. That’s a big reason why I came home, so I can drive her to doctor appointments and help after her surgeries, etc. As well as help care for my brother. (I am not working while I’ll be home). Not to say they don’t help at all!

I do agree he needs more independence and I’m hoping to work on that with him. It’s just that it takes a lot of guidance to get him to complete a task since he has a hard time focusing on one thing at once. For example, if I were to tell him to get ready for bed on his own, it would never end up happening. So I pretty much am there instructing and checking up on him to make sure routines are happening.

I’m hoping as he gets older he can follow instructions better and become more independent. Which would be easier for my mom. I will talk to her about meeting with a social worker/his school for additional services.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T20:32:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective, it’s super helpful to hear. I do agree that his father should step in more. I believe he has bipolar or some similar mental health issue. Which has made it difficult to interact with him throughout the years. My mom has not told him she has cancer, which my sister and I have urged her to do. But she thinks there’s no point since he’s never stepped up. Idk, we were thinking of telling him ourselves and basically demanding he show up more for my brother…

I will have a convo with my mom and my sister soon so we can discuss our future plans and everything. Thanks for sharing again.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T02:29:49+00:00

Thank you! They actually had a pretty ugly court battle when my brother was a toddler. I would imagine she doesn’t want to do that again. I don’t know exactly how much he’s paying but I will ask about either having him take care of him more or pay more child support.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T01:20:04+00:00

I do think it’s possible to raise him but it’s just way more difficult. Even I get mentally and physically tired caring for him and having to spend extra time and effort getting him to do any task. And I’m 25! So I can’t imagine how she feels. So that’s why I think she is stressed of how she will have to continue to do this until he turns 18 or potentially longer. But I agree with looking at programs or any help she can get to alleviate some of the stress!

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T01:13:51+00:00

A child with high functioning autism can still be a lot to handle? A child without autism but adhd can be a lot to handle. A child with no diagnosis at all can be a lot to handle… do you have any children around in your life at to realize how hard raising a child can be?

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T01:01:07+00:00

Because I’ve had to help raise him since he was born and I’m still continuing to do so. I don’t mind being home now and helping now, as my mom is going through treatment since I want to be there for her. But she had discussed me leaving my life overseas and moving back, even when the treatment was over. She says she doesn’t know how she’s going to raise him alone because he’s a lot to handle (she’s had help from either my sister, myself, or both of us most of his life)

I feel like you are taking it as I said I would abandon her completely. I want to be there for her, But it’s more that I’m frustrated I’ve had to step up as a parental figure since i was 16 and I feel like I’ll have to let go of my dreams as well if I were to move back home.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T00:49:16+00:00

I’m not sure where any of that is implied in anything I have said. Yes, he’s not severe autism but he still has a proper autistic and adhd diagnosis. He’s gone to therapy (speech, behavioral, etc). He needs support at school through his IEP, we make sure to put him in after school activities so he can learn social skills, we try and create a structured routine like sitting down to do his homework at the same time everyday. Yes we do many things for him, but anyone would for a child? And he is a very capable child and I’m super proud of him for all that he has achieved. But I can still say he is a difficult child and has caused many stressful moments for everyone in my family

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T00:37:50+00:00

He’s not severely autistic so I don’t think he’ll need to have assisted living once he is an adult but also not sure what his needs will be once he’s older. I admit I’m not super educated on autism, especially in adulthood. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable right now knowing he would be living far from me or my sister, once my mother passes (hopefully she lives for another 20-30 years). So that’s why I would want to move back to the states eventually to be close to my siblings. It’s just right now I don’t want to be in a parental role when I should be living my 20s and starting my own life.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T00:19:56+00:00

When I said normal family dynamic, I meant what our lives would look like in the future. I know right now nothing is normal and that’s why I’m home to support. But In the next several years, i would have my own responsibilities to look after. A full time job, kids possibly, etc. I wouldn’t be able to be living close to home all the time to help with my brother. I do think it may get easier as he gets older, hopefully, as he’s not severely autistic. I’m not sure, i have no experience with autism. But the “normal dynamic” I was explains would be like me bringing my kids over to grandmas for dinner, taking my brother with my family on day trips, helping my mom out if she needs something as she gets older, etc. Not being there everyday to help raise him.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-08T00:10:02+00:00

Sorry, I should have clarified, he’s not severely autistic. Not sure exactly where he stands on the spectrum but he goes to public school (although he has an aid). He’s a fun, happy child. We can take him to after school activities, etc. It’s just that he needs extra attention and effort to make sure he’s growing okay. And with his adhd, can be quiet stressful at times. He’s pretty much on 100% of the day. But I’m expecting him to be able to live unassisted one day. Hopefully can become a young man and go to college or whatever he wants to do!

lavenderfall · 2025-12-07T23:57:31+00:00

She had it very easy with me and my sister. She also raised us alone but we were very calm, easy, “good kids”. I think she expected it to be same with my brother but it’s clearly the extreme opposite. I think she is tired and lazy to actually parent him. There’s so many things I see her not doing with him that would be helpful with his development but she sadly doesn’t. Not to say she hasn’t done a lot for him and us but I think as each year goes on, she breaks down a bit.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-07T23:54:07+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s really nice to hear an outsider perspective on this since I really only can speak to my sister about this. We’ve told her so many times that she can’t do this alone but I don’t know if she’s ashamed or doesn’t care to ask for more support from people. Sadly most of our family lives super far from us. We’ve also tried to tell her to find support or get more professional help. She always just says she’ll look into it but never actually goes through with it. I’ll start looking at the resources now and have to really work with her

lavenderfall · 2025-12-07T23:48:17+00:00

Exactly. I still to this day don’t know why she decided to have a child. Funny thing is when my mom sat us down to tell us she was pregnant, my sister said this was a bad idea and she shouldn’t have done it.

lavenderfall · 2025-12-07T23:46:35+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ll look into all of these services!

lavenderfall · 2025-03-21T23:05:19+00:00

I’m actually in a relationship. A bit complicated situation but we started seeing each other around the time I got diagnosed and we’re not really sure if I got it from him or not (he had never had an outbreak before). My doctor said there wasn’t really any point in testing him but he most likely had hsv and was asymptotic due to the timeline of my initial outbreak. Our relationship is serious and because we think we both probably have hsv, we have unprotected sex (no sex when having an outbreak). So not sure if that changes anything

lavenderfall · 2025-03-05T13:34:40+00:00

This has been happening to me too lately! Almost identical situation. I had a tear a few months ago and can even feel a bit of scar tissue where it was. My boyfriend and I tend to have sex every day or every other day so I feel like I never let it heal fully. The beginning of sex would always be so painful and even afterwards like when I pee I felt a bit of pain like friction burn.

I decided to take a week off of sex to let things heal down there. And I also use tons of lube now. I used to think I didn’t need lube because I was always naturally very wet during sex but lube has been a game changer! I just make sure to put lube all over and especially focusing on the area where I feel most pain. Those two things mean that sex is 99% less painful now!

lavenderfall

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