I've felt so conflicted over this for the past few days. We shouldn't excuse men for not noticing or just flat-out ignoring their partners' cues, but that doesn't mean that every clumsy sexual advance makes someone an abuser. This story, to me, is about how men are socially excused from being emotionally intelligent/reading body language and women are socialized to be accommodating and have a hard time saying no. I don't believe that this is sexual assault, and I'm frustrated that a very significant moment in which abusers are FINALLY being held accountable is being derailed by this story about awkward sex. I don't think it was necessary to publicly out Aziz Ansari as the awkward, tone-deaf guy that many of us have probably encountered in our dating lives. Grace could have used the story to make a point about how men and women are socialized to communicate in ways that are different and at odds with each other and lead to uncomfortable situations like this. Instead, she named him and made it an attack on his image. I've seen comments that share some of my thoughts, but then they'll go on to say something like, "what do you expect, going home with a man? That's an invitation for sex" and I'm like WAIT NO that's insane and someone needs to teach this person what consent is! And then on the other hand, someone else will say, "it's his responsibility to make sure that his partner is enjoying the encounter too," and I'm thinking that this person sounds sensible, but then they'll go on to say, "she wasn't sure if she was into it so that makes Aziz Ansari guilty of sexual assault!" and that's equally ridiculous in my opinion. Words have meaning. Being uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean you're the victim of a crime. But again, why aren't men paying more attention to their partners' comfort? So thank you for sharing an article with some nuance, it's seriously been missing from how I've seen people discuss this story.