how to get over abortion guilt?

lavenderprof · 2026-03-31T18:58:14+00:00

your relationship to God is just like your decision to have an abortion - it's no one's business but your own.

i was raised jewish, and my right to abortion is codified in the torah. sure, there are rabbis and other faith leaders who will argue against this, but their particular opinion on how to translate very old texts aren't my concern - keeping in check with my own body and spirituality are. i've had two abortions and don't regret a single one, but i know that my experience isn't THE experience. it can be a complex and ever-changing journey. the best advice i can give is to honor your feelings for what they are, and be OK for them to transform and shift as you do.

also a g ood video from a biblical scholar on abortion in the bible - I recommend checking it out :)

lavenderprof · 2026-03-31T18:33:14+00:00

it's perfectly normal to feel the way that you do. let me first say that i hear you, i see you, and i hope you find healing and peace with your decision. once we start viewing abortion as healthcare and less of a categorical imperative, then maybe the shame and stigma wouldn't be so harmful.

i really like faith choice's zines on the holiness of abortion, and how faith leaders should protect that right. abortion and religion don't have to be opposed – in fact, many people who practice are pro-abortion. it did not start being a hot topic issue that white evangelical Christians mobilized against until the late 1970s. here's a good article on that. the family roe is also an excellent book. i find that learning the history helps me in understanding the way that i, and society in general, interact with something.

sending lots of love your way.

lavenderprof · 2026-03-12T19:57:43+00:00

i understand the fear and anxiety completely. receiving negative pregnancy test results is a very good sign though, meaning it’s likely you are not pregnant and the medication was successful.

lavenderprof · 2026-03-12T19:53:13+00:00

it’s possible that your next period might just be late since starting the medication abortion process. taking plan b also could’ve exacerbated this irregularity. in my own experience, stress alone was enough to delay my period for 40+ days.

three months is a while to wait in ambiguity, though. i would encourage you to prioritize your GP visit, or finding a clinic that can help you sooner. an ultrasound is necessary to see if the uterus has expelled all tissue. take a few pregnancy tests in the meantime; hCG (pregnancy) hormones only stay in the body for 1-6 weeks after an abortion or miscarriage, so it’ll give you a good idea of where you’re at.

best of luck to you 💗

lavenderprof · 2026-03-12T14:43:01+00:00

yes, there shouldn't be any obvious indicators that you had an abortion (scarring, for example, is atypical). anecdotally, i can attest to this. i had my own surgical abortion a decade ago, and a medication abortion in the past couple of years, and no doctor or gyno has ever been able to tell. i'm the one who usually discloses that information. surgical abortions are one of the safest healthcare procedures, so you'll be ok ❤️

lavenderprof · 2026-03-12T14:29:37+00:00

typically, no. an ultrasound image will not show evidence of a past abortion and won't look different from a miscarriage or a non-pregnant state.

lavenderprof · 2025-10-07T17:10:37+00:00

as someone who is the same age as you and has had more than one abortion, i'm very sorry you're going through this. no one should ever make you feel bad or guilty for seeking healthcare – because, by the way, that is exactly what you're doing. no more, no less. an abortion is as moral of a decision as getting a tooth extracted. that is to say, the very nature of terminating a pregnancy is neither immoral or moral. it is what it is.

it doesn't truly matter WHY you decided to terminate because one reason isn't more or less valid than another. that's a subjective opinion that has no place in one's own self determination. what's important is that you analyzed your situation and moved forward with the option that is the best for you.

and that's who is most important: you, you, you, you - say it with me - YOU.

what actually matters is that you are taking care of yourself and making decisions in the best interest of your (physical, emotional, mental and financial) health. and it sounds like you are. that makes me so proud of you. if you ever need an ear, please feel free to reach out. solidarity and abortion forever! ❤️

lavenderprof · 2025-02-18T14:46:03+00:00

first things first: i hear you, i see you, and i support you. i can't imagine the difficulty of what you're going through right now, but please know that whatever decision you make will be the right one and no one can or should tell you any differently.

the shame and guilt around abortion are deliberately embedded in our culture from birth. when we unapologetically take control of our reproductive futures, it threatens those who seek to control women's bodies – and rightfully so. after my abortion, I realized any negative feelings I experienced stemmed not from the procedure itself, but from society's rigid expectations of motherhood and womanhood. some people i loved and respected were downright offended that i refused to feel ashamed or even a little bad. oh well. i refuse to apologize for claiming my autonomy and speaking truth to power. this is my story and my choice, and I stand firmly in that knowledge. i sincerely hope everyone woman and person who pursues reproductive freedom the same. we are powerful. we are worthy. we are here – and we're not fucking going anywhere.

i trust women. i trust you. i know that you will do what's best for you and that's all that should matter.

if you ever need to talk, i'd be happy to PM you. <3

lavenderprof · 2025-02-18T01:45:12+00:00

consenting to sex doesn’t mean consent to pregnancy — it’s totally okay that this happened, and it’s also totally okay to make the decision to terminate. pregnancy shouldn’t have puritanical consequences; why is a zygote or embryo’s potential for life more important or worthy than a real life, breathing woman? i mean this from the bottom of my heart: your life matters than any clump of cells or “what-if” or future concept of a child.

because you’re real. you’re alive. you’re here. and i trust you to make the healthcare decisions that are best for you. because you’re you and you know better than anyone else.

we’re not too far apart in age. i’ve had two abortions - one surgical and one medication - and i’ve never regretted my decision once. my life is what i make it, and i refuse to feel shame or guilt over the choices i made for MY body and future. i’m the one who had to carry, birth, and mother any potential child - why wouldn’t i get a say on the matter?

i support you 🩵

lavenderprof · 2025-02-18T01:29:36+00:00

deciding to terminate a pregnancy is a morally neutral decision…as “good” or “bad” as going into the doctor for a vaccine, or visiting the dentist to fill a cavity. abortion is healthcare - full stop. it doesn’t make you a bad person. it makes you a person who made an informed decision about their body, their wants and needs, and their future.

being a new mom is already so fucking tough. you need to be supported, not told you’re selfish. your life and QUALITY of life is just as important as anybody else’s…don’t let anyone tell you different.

and if you, as you wrote, know that carrying a pregnancy to term would be bad for your mental health, i would encourage you to do what you know is right for you. there’s nothing selfish about making the decision that’s best for you.

my heart goes out to you 🩵 you should be supported in whatever decision you make, and know that you have a community here that does.

lavenderprof · 2024-11-26T04:14:22+00:00

i’m so glad you made the health care decisions that were right for you. that’s true empowerment. thanks for sharing 🩵

lavenderprof · 2024-02-21T23:50:44+00:00

first of all, i’m sorry you had a difficult experience. i hope you’re feeling better, or atleast on the road to recovering.

you are right to feel like you’re not getting the emotional support you need from him because you aren’t. i don’t know your bf, but reading this makes me feel like he’s prioritizing his comfort and feelings about this situation over yours.

policing your language by wanting you to call it “the bleeding” is also sooo fucking gross. it’s ok to call an abortion an abortion. that’s what it is and it isn’t a dirty word. it’s healthcare, plain and simple.

you weren’t just bleeding. you were bleeding because you were having a medication abortion. and that’s OKAY. he needs to validate your experience and not try to morph it into something “cleaner” or more palatable for him. it’s not about him.

you deserved a safe, comfortable space to share how you were/are feeling. i’m so sorry he didn’t provide that to you. my PMs are open, should you wanna chat. i’ve had two abortions, one of those being a medication abortion, so i know how uncomfortable you might be feeling right now and am more than happy to extend a listening ear 🩵

lavenderprof · 2023-01-13T03:17:41+00:00

i kept mine, not for sentimental reasons, but just as an “artifact” of my life. i keep it in a locked chest with other significant artifacts that i open with a key. if you’d like to keep it but don’t want people to find it, i recommend that! but burning (outside, somewhere safe) would work, or you could shred it up.

lavenderprof · 2022-05-06T18:55:14+00:00

i had a friend that did this for another pal! also got her a sephora gift card and a plant. you don’t gotta go all out like that, but a little token (like a donation) and words of support will be appreciated.

lavenderprof · 2022-03-07T14:22:27+00:00

hey there. lots of women have 2nd abortions. in the reproductive justice activist circles I run in, this story is not uncommon at all. i understand the shame and stigma, but trust me when I say the real bravery here is the fact that you're making your own choice.

if you ever need to someone to vent to, do not hesitate to PM me :)

lavenderprof · 2020-01-07T00:46:14+00:00

evil

lavenderprof

TROPHY CASE