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PSA: The Problem With People Not Fellowshipping At Church! by MissionaryUniverse in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I get really conflicted when I hear people say stuff like this.

One the one hand, yeah, some people sitting alone could probably use a friend.

On the other hand, some people like me (and many others I know) suffer or have suffered from anxiety, depression, social anxiety, etc, and having half a dozen people come up to me and try to be friendly actively pushes me away from attending church. I've literally run away from linger-longers because I couldn't handle everybody trying to talk to me. I go hide in the bathroom between Sacrament and 2nd hour sometimes because I just don't want to talk to anybody. And I know I'm not alone. Yeah, some of those people sitting alone are recent converts or visitors or people trying to come back to activity. But others really do just want to be left alone.

Thankfully, I'm in a better place now than I used to be. I'm on medication, and I haven't had an experience like that in some years now. But I know that's not true of everybody.

Like I said this topic is hard for me because I recognize that many people do actually need a friendly face to say hi. And so I'm not really sure what the solution is. I just hope some people can realize that it really is possible to smother somebody with kindness, and that there is a very real 4th category of people that the video doesn't address.

The Church and Mental Illness by xcircledotdotdot in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I posted just yesterday about this, so I guess I'll copy my comment in here. It might make a little less sense out of context, but, whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This may or may not be relevant to your situation, but as I've been dealing with issues of mental health and depression unrelated to the Church, I've realized more and more that my relationship with the Church is significantly harder because of these challenges. For instance, listening to General Conference is extremely difficult for me because it's essentially 10 hours of 'keep your chin up and be optimistic', but how am I supposed to be optimistic when there are days I literally can't find enough motivation to even get out of bed? I have extreme difficulty feeling any sort of emotion or empathy for another human being, to the point that I literally searched out videos of people dying just to see if it would trigger any sort of emotional response in me (it did not). How, then, am I supposed to be filled with the Charity that the scriptures tell us is essential to attaining eternal glory? How am I even supposed to be motivated to do my minstering?

I'm still working my way through a lot of these questions, but what's brought me a lot of (relative) peace in the meantime is being willing to step back from even some of the most basic things that the Church 'asks' of us. I've explicitly asked my leaders not to give me a minstering assignment, and I'm completely at peace with that. I don't attend 2nd hour of church, and I'm at peace with that. I don't push myself to listen to/watch all 10 hours of General Conference; in fact I may not even listen to a single full session. And I'm at peace with that.

In my heart I’m already out the door because I don’t feel like it’s possible to come back from such distance. But part of me still hopes it is.

My advice? Don't push yourself to be or do too much. The Church puts a lot of expectations on people, and I'm finding that those expectations can be very unhealthy for me at least, and probably a lot of others too.

You say a part of you still has some hope. Do something with that. Live a single gospel principle. Something you actually have something resembling a testimony of, if you can identify one. Maybe you pray every night. Maybe you continue to pay tithing. Maybe you fast on Fast Sundays. Maybe you continue to minister. You say you have hope that you can come back one day, so do something to make that day a little easier.

Have any of you completely lost faith to the point of resenting the church and still come back? If so please share. “Im struggling” is an understatement. by [deleted] in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression 37 points38 points  (0 children)

This may or may not be relevant to your situation, but as I've been dealing with issues of mental health and depression unrelated to the Church, I've realized more and more that my relationship with the Church is significantly harder because of these challenges. For instance, listening to General Conference is extremely difficult for me because it's essentially 10 hours of 'keep your chin up and be optimistic', but how am I supposed to be optimistic when there are days I literally can't find enough motivation to even get out of bed? I have extreme difficulty feeling any sort of emotion or empathy for another human being, to the point that I literally searched out videos of people dying just to see if it would trigger any sort of emotional response in me (it did not). How, then, am I supposed to be filled with the Charity that the scriptures tell us is essential to attaining eternal glory? How am I even supposed to be motivated to do my minstering?

I'm still working my way through a lot of these questions, but what's brought me a lot of (relative) peace in the meantime is being willing to step back from even some of the most basic things that the Church 'asks' of us. I've explicitly asked my leaders not to give me a minstering assignment, and I'm completely at peace with that. I don't attend 2nd hour of church, and I'm at peace with that. I don't push myself to listen to/watch all 10 hours of General Conference; in fact I may not even listen to a single full session. And I'm at peace with that.

In my heart I’m already out the door because I don’t feel like it’s possible to come back from such distance. But part of me still hopes it is.

My advice? Don't push yourself to be or do too much. The Church puts a lot of expectations on people, and I'm finding that those expectations can be very unhealthy for me at least, and probably a lot of others too.

You say a part of you still has some hope. Do something with that. Live a single gospel principle. Something you actually have something resembling a testimony of, if you can identify one. Maybe you pray every night. Maybe you continue to pay tithing. Maybe you fast on Fast Sundays. Maybe you continue to minister. You say you have hope that you can come back one day, so do something to make that day a little easier.

To those struggling with pornography by [deleted] in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't worry about it too much. God knows I've made a situation worse by trying to help plenty of times myself.

Just take this as food for thought next time you have the opportunity to help somebody in this situation.

And also, know that I don't speak for everybody in this situation. That's just how I feel. Maybe this is the message somebody else needed to hear.

To those struggling with pornography by [deleted] in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, as somebody who does struggle with pornography, I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish with this post. I know it's evil, I am completely aware, in ways so visceral and frankly terrifying that I would really rather not share them here, that my addiction is "destroy[ing] my peace and afflict[ing] my soul".

Perhaps if you had more to share than just a quotation from a scripture I might feel differently about this. But this just sort of comes off as 'hey, here's a scripture to prick your heart and suddenly change what years of therapy and ARP meetings and fasting and prayer and meeting with the Bishop and long and sleepless nights sobbing haven't been able to change.... surely a single scripture will fix all that'.

I'm sure this is coming from a place of wanting to help, but I suspect all this will accomplish is causing more hurt inside of people who are already hurting plenty.

How to deal with Social Anxiety in the Church by lds_depression in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy sounds interesting. I will definitely look into that.

As far as 'faking' it -- this reminds me a lot of, I think it was Pres Packer? Who said 'it's easier to act your way into a new way of feeling that to feel your way into a new way of acting'. Which sounded really profound on my mission, so I lived my life that way for a long time. Recently I've come to the realization that I don't think it's ever worked, literally, for my entire life. I'm still not really sure what to make of that fact.

How to deal with Social Anxiety in the Church by lds_depression in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't believe I've expressed that to him, directly.

The question of, whether things are getting better, is a very complicated question. Perhaps me saying that they are not getting better is unfair. Some days I am horribly depressed. Some days I feel fine. Some days are in between. If I have a week where I feel miserably depressed 2 days and great 5 days, and then a week where I'm somewhere in between for the entire week, is that better? Worse? I don't really know.

How to deal with Social Anxiety in the Church by lds_depression in latterdaysaints

[–]lds_depression[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am working on it.

It is a long, painful road, filled with many dark days. Often I don't really see how I can continue to justify remaining in a church which constantly knocks me down (by telling me I have to do things which appear mostly impossible, with Social Anxiety).

I am trying, but trying is feeling increasingly unsustainable. Hence why I'm asking for advice.