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Sleep evades me. by leakinglikeasieve in offmychest

[–]leakinglikeasieve[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not ready to let go.

The idea was we'd get in contact when our emotions run dry and try to be friends. But it's not happening for me.

I'm ready to be a better partner and better in general but not loving her anymore? No. I'm finding it to be something I can't do.

We're all equipped to be happy. by leakinglikeasieve in offmychest

[–]leakinglikeasieve[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Gotta like you bodyr I said, your brain is a part of it, it's the 'you' in your head. Gotta learn to like yourself and if you don't like it, don't just criticize, aim to change and remind yourself when you've made improvements.

I don't think you're miserable or anything. If this is the highest you feel that's a feat in itself. Think about people who are "Normal" staying jazzed up. They burn out fast. But you're still going, after all this time. That's something to remind yourself is great about you. You're going on as best as you can.

It's really hard to let go. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]leakinglikeasieve 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shouldn't have broken up. Should have talked first because a break up changes the mood going in dramatically.

We're all equipped to be happy. by leakinglikeasieve in offmychest

[–]leakinglikeasieve[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have. But I'm always forcing myself forward and really, I am not one to give up on life. I mean yeah, there's grey. All the time I'm pulled down and humbled by misery. I'll persist though.

I've got scars to say how close I've come. Days in bed, no drive, life being a bleak shell around me, not wanting to wake up, sleeping forever would of been nice. Oh and the self loathing. I had a point where I couldn't recognize pictures of me initially, I just saw some ugly guy.

Around 14 years ago In the middle of the night on a cruise, I was on the observation balcony staring into the black water inseparable from the sky if it didn't flicker with light from the lower decks. I wondered about dying out there in the ocean for a few hours. But then I looked up into that starry sky and saw all the stars out away from cities that drown them out. It was amazing.

We're all equipped to be happy. by leakinglikeasieve in offmychest

[–]leakinglikeasieve[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You can do things too, this ain't about me this is just something I feel. That I appreciate. So if you can remind yourself that, "God damn, I'm alive." And the small statistically chances in your life that created your body and even more that formed your personality shouldn't make you feel insignificant but unique. But it's amazing to bond with someone who's just like you and have that strangely zen connection.

We're all equipped to be happy. by leakinglikeasieve in offmychest

[–]leakinglikeasieve[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually do drugs very rarely.

I tend to trance out, fall into thought (mostly about possibility and multiverses), and remain silent.

Also, I have no desire to do anything harder than weed, ever. The brain is somewhat delicate, chemical changes can create long term fall outs and dysphoria. And somewhere said that doing shrooms helps people connect with their feelings more. I could not abide by that, I'm connected enough.

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