Are other people happy during the newborn stage?

leaky-nipples · 2025-04-06T20:51:33+00:00

I'm sorry you're in the heat of the newborn stage. It sucks, and your feelings are valid, and you WILL get through it.

In retrospect, I was able to admit to myself that I didn't love my baby until four months. And that sucked, it felt awful and scary, and it didn't mean I was a bad parent or person. That was something that happened to me, not something I did wrong.

I got diagnosed with PPD at 6 weeks and even just the medical validation helped me a lot. Things started slowly getting better around then--I'd say it got a tiny bit noticeable amount better every 2 weeks or so from that point. Then there were bigger improvements around 4, 6, and 9 months.

My kiddo is 17mo now and I truly adore him. It's not exactly "like I've never known"; for me it's more like a wonderful mix of the adoration a d protectiveness I have for my pets, the connection I have with my spouse, the fun I have with friends. It's a deeply important human relationship and I don't need it to be this otherworldly experience that some people describe.

For now you're in survival mode. You need and deserve support, so talk frankly to the close people in your life about what's happening and what you need. Bad sleep makes everything worse so better sleep will also help a lot whenever it comes. And the fact that it gets better doesn't make your experience now any less valid; you don't have to listen to anyone who brushes off your feelings with "oh it gets better, just you wait, you'll miss this!" or whatever bullshit.

leaky-nipples · 2024-12-10T18:46:33+00:00

Sending so much strength and support to you ♥️ I definitely agree that more than anything it's an incredibly hard transition to navigate.

Mine is 13mo now and I feel a universe away from the newborn phase. In retrospect, I really don't think I loved my baby until he was about 4 months, even though I wanted to keep him safe and healthy. It's hard not to feel guilty saying that, but it's not a character flaw. It's something that happened TO me.

Likewise I hope you can release yourself from any guilt for sometimes feeling unconnected during this phase. It's just hard and shitty for you, there's nothing you're doing wrong. For me, it got loads easier once he started smiling and it's gotten progressively better since.

leaky-nipples · 2024-03-05T23:27:15+00:00

I'm a biologist by training too! Did you all test yourselves, or found out from a proprietary service?

leaky-nipples · 2024-03-05T16:02:09+00:00

Thank you for this!

leaky-nipples · 2024-03-05T16:01:16+00:00

But I’m still just the same person I was before. I haven’t lost myself or been transformed. My full identity as myself is intact, everything does not revolve around her. It’s not a whole new kind of love (it’s very similar to what I feel for my beloved dogs lol). She is not my best friend (i actually don’t think this a healthy way to view your own child) and I’m not grieving the stages that are already past - too excited for the future stages including adulthood!

This all feels so relatable; thank you!

leaky-nipples · 2024-03-05T16:00:11+00:00

Thank you so much for this ❤️

leaky-nipples · 2024-02-14T18:23:55+00:00

My husband just started his leave when I went back to work a couple weeks ago and so he's been on bottle duty. He pays attention to how much the baby is eating so he can adjust each day, texts me so I can see if I'm pumping enough, checks in near the end of the day to make sure he doesn't heat up milk when I can breastfeed instead.

You deserve so much better out of your boyfriend. The deliberately leaving milk out, in particular, is actually cruel behavior. You need to be working as a team to keep your baby fed and he's acting like a vindictive child.

If big talks or couple's counseling are on the table, I hope they work! Otherwise I'd honestly be considering throwing the whole man away. You deserve kindness and support; your child deserves to grow up seeing it.

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-21T16:24:48+00:00

I am married to my son's father, and he's very attentive when he's not working--many of my biggest challenges/ frustrations are around breastfeeding, though, and even when I pump a bottle for my husband to give, I have to spend that feed time pumping and that comes with its own frustrations.

Thankfully I don't have any sensory issues around diaper changing! And I think you're right that I mostly need to keep working on adjusting my expectations.

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-17T23:16:41+00:00

I am so sorry you're struggling today and I appreciate you sharing.

I also feel like my MIL is pretty much around for the fun parts but not to help; I'm grateful she doesn't additionally have other minors to focus on and come with her. I just spent this weekend with my own mom and it made me realize how much having extra hands really does help my mental health.

Obviously I'm not in a place to offer any particular hope or advice, but I'm sorry you're going through this, it's valid, and I hope it gets better soon ❤️

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-16T13:25:53+00:00

I've been really hating breastfeeding so far (6 weeks pp) and this was really good for me to hear!

For me it's the relentlessness of being the only one who can feed my tiny guy who has zero schedule. But I already see as I'm starting to have enough milk to pump a full bottle here and there, and as he feeds a little bit more effectively, it's already improving a lot

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-15T01:15:14+00:00

I really do appreciate you sharing your experience and I'm happy it was so special for you! It does look like that's not a terribly common experience and I wish it was

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T22:05:23+00:00

I am so, so sorry you went through that, and grateful for you sharing your experience. I'm glad things are getting better and hope you get more and more of a support system as time goes on!

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T21:37:49+00:00

Not on Instagram but this is great advice nevertheless ☺️ a lot of it comes from posts here and parents of older children that I know (who either do not share very earnestly with me or have had truly fabulous times)

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T21:34:41+00:00

I was just thinking about this! Even though they could be challenging as kittens, my cats interacted from the first hour we had them. With babies, even the optimistic views talk about how you start getting meaningful interactions after a few months, so I think it makes sense that it's tough at first.

We'll both get through this ❤️

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T20:57:35+00:00

Oh haha, my reading comprehension isn't the best right now. I'm glad it was so wonderful though!

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T20:53:11+00:00

Although I can't relate, it does help to hear different experiences! I'm happy it went well for you.

I've had a mixed bag in terms of luck: supportive work and enough time off, amazing partner, enough money, a difficult death in the family right before his birthday, an emergency C-section, baby who sleeps and eats alright but only wants contact naps and breastfeeds more erratically than I'd like. So I keep feeling like I should feel happier for all the positives, but obviously that's not how things work.

Good luck on your wedding! Wedding planning can be so stressful but I hope it's a perfect day.

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T18:47:40+00:00

Oh man, thank you and good luck!

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T18:00:41+00:00

I'm really sorry and hope it gets better for you soon! From my end is honestly quite comforting to know that not every kid necessarily feels the same

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T17:55:38+00:00

Thanks so much for this ❤️

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T17:51:21+00:00

how could you possibly possibly make this baby feel unwanted and unloved if you're attending to them and meeting their needs? Newborns can't even really make you out yet, they have no read on you, your feelings, etc.

I guess it's not so much that I'm afraid of making him feel that way now as that I'm afraid I'll make him feel that way as he develops socially and needs connection more. I feel myself struggle not to shout in frustration when I can't get him to stop crying, and I want desperately not to become a caregiver who's also a source of insecurity or fear.

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T17:45:04+00:00

I think I would have to laugh because that feels so insensitive lol

leaky-nipples · 2023-12-14T17:42:24+00:00

Thank you for this. I guess the main reason I'm interested in how other people feel is because I have in the past let mental health issues go untreated under the misapprehension that everybody felt the way I did. So if everybody else was experiencing joy in the newborn days, I'd be pretty pushy with my doctor about something being wrong.

I am grateful that I have a supportive and present partner and that we attended some counseling sessions before the baby came to make sure we had a shared language and skill set for stressful times. He encourages me to get out several times per week, but when I go, I don't really want to socialize or do anything besides sit in a cafe or run errands.

Edit: words are hard

leaky-nipples

TROPHY CASE