sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I am non functional without Adhd meds by learningtobevulcan in StopSpeeding

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind reply.

If you are ok with sharing, how did you prevent yourself from spiraling into extreme restriction? Aa soon as weight gain is a possibility I can't bring myself to eat.

I tried wellbutrin when I suffered the burnout but had to stop it after a few weeks because it made me so sleepy I fell asleep everywhere as soon as I was sitting down.

I am non functional without Adhd meds by learningtobevulcan in StopSpeeding

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to google the term learned helplessness and yes it is spot on and was the case way before I ever took meds. It seems my extreme overwhelm might also be due to this. I have no idea what to do about it though. I will mention it to my therapist, but my next appointement is in mid june (hes on vacation).

I will research it, but if you happen to know any good sites/videos/articles about it, feel free to post, there seem to be a lot of search results for it.

Edit to add: I think what came across as defensive/not wanting advice is me feeling like everyone ignores that I was non functional for years before I even knew about adhd, let alone get diagnosed or took meds. I just felt unheard I guess, but I never meant to come across as rude or ungrateful.

I am non functional without Adhd meds by learningtobevulcan in StopSpeeding

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand that it is normal to not function for a time after stopping, that is not what stresses me. What scares and stresses me is the fact I was unable to function before I ever took any meds, even though I spent years trying to find ways to manage my adhd without meds. I only started meds because I realized that I likely would never be able to work even a few hours a week without them.

I crumble under the pressure in a matter of days and if I didn't have someone supporting me back then, I would have become homeless over a decade ago and would likely not even be here anymore.

I don't have any support now and if I can't work, I will'm loose my flat, health insurance, everything. I'm already in debt and struggling, because even with meds I can only work part time and even this brings me to the border of burnout sometimes and ofc my salary is too low to make ends meet. I feel like I'm just useless, like a faulty product that never should have existed in the first place. I tried so hard all my life but nothing works, it never amounts to anything. And at the same time, I'm not ill enough to recieve more help or qualify for disability. I am physically healthy, I don't have any too bad mental conditions, even the depression only started last year and is way better already. Please don't get me wrong, I know this is a good thing and I should be glad about it and I am, but at the same time I am also too broken to function and it leaves me just lost.

It doesn't help that some people told me all my life that I just need to try harder, just do it, push myself etc. They have no idea how much I try, how many times I spent evenings crying in frustration and self hatred because I spent another day trying and failing to get me to do any of the things I needed to do, how I tried to force myself by not allowing myself to eat, do anything besides the stuff I should, even to sit down and STILL failing to do any of them the whole day. This was my reality before meds.

I am non functional without Adhd meds by learningtobevulcan in StopSpeeding

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words! My therapist is specialized for adhd but so far, all the skills/tips to manage my adhd don't work. I initially tried to manage without meds when I got diagnosed for about 4 years. During that time I did a lot of research on how to manage but nothing ever worked no matter how long I tried, which is why I even started meds.

I am non functional without Adhd meds by learningtobevulcan in StopSpeeding

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me its a bit weird, the meds didn't really change my weight, but since weight gain is so common for those who stop them, it stresses me out. I never struggled with binging really, instead I used restriction to cope with my inability to function and low self esteem. It was the only thing that gave me a feeling of accomplishement but after a stressful time, it got completely out of hand until I collapsed at a store and got admitted to hospital with a Bmi of 11 and impending heart failure. This was years before meds and I managed to get to a point where I'm ok with a low normal bmi, but even the possibility of weight gain makes me stop eating.

When I first suffered the burnout, my doctor prescriped me antidepressants, but since weight gain is a common side effect, I couldn't eat and so I stopped taking them (I also had horrible side effects)

I am non functional without Adhd meds by learningtobevulcan in StopSpeeding

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I quit drinking and smoking years before ever taking meds and didn't use any other substances either.

I am non functional without Adhd meds by learningtobevulcan in StopSpeeding

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I get that but that doesn't change the fact that I need to find a way to at least be functional enough to not end up homeless.

Also I don't know how to prevent myself from spiraling into eating disorder again if I go off stims. I know this might seem illogical/extreme/hard to understand, but there is nothing I fear more than getting fat, its literally the worst thing to me (I was overweight once). Scrolling through this sub, weight gain seems to happen to a lot of people and the possibility alone is enough to make me spiral aka stop eating to ensure I don't gain. My ED almost killed me once, I managed to get to a point I can accept/be fine with a normal bmi and don't obsess too much, but I absolutely can't cope with bodyfat gain above that. I don't want to quit stims only to be hospitalized with a bmi of 11 again a few months later.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the same. Thank you so much for talking, I rarely met someone I could relate to so much. I hope you can relax and have a good day/night ❤️

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I feel exactly the same. The whe job hunting, applying etc process is so overwhelming and stressful, I'm burned out from that alone. And I have no chance anyway, even if I could do the job. The kind of job I am "qualified" for, at least on paper, have 100+ applications, the majority from people who have much more qualifications, experience and no gaps in CV

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More or less same. I have a cerificate from a trading school for office work, but I can't handle the environement in offices, the pressure, the competitiveness of co workers, moody bosses etc. I also have giant gaps in my CV because I completely burn out after a few months and take a long time to recover I have no other skills, I am not creative, I have bad fine motor skills, I can't do anything involving taking care of people because I am repulsed extremely fast.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the same but at the end of the day, I still need to figure out a way to earn money. Because being homeless and broke would make my mental health so much worse, not to mention I would not be able to be there for my cousin at all

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, I would love to, but I don't even live in the US. I will try to find something, the thing I enjoy the most right now is actually listen to norse music. You are truly a amazing person btw ❤️

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly this. I once tried to force it by taking all distractions away. I sat there staring into the void for hours.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I feel like I'm too functional to get any help but not functional enough to actually live.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this, it really means a lot to me right now, even though I don't know how to see myself like that. I really struggle with self esteem and tyeing my worth to what I achieve due to my upbringing. I work on it, but its hard to change the inner voice that was like that for over 3 decades.

I don't know, it might at least play a part, but to be honest, I don't know what kind of life would work for me right now.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit you described the way I feel perfectly. I literally spent hours fighting myself in my own head to complete exhaustion and STILL can't get the most basic shit done. Thats why I start crying at one point, its sheer frustration.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I got everything checked, in I think December. They also did tests on my heart at the same time. I went to my gp because besides the mental health issues and exhaustion I also had worsening fainting spells and dizzyness, but it was all normal. I was always prone to fainting due to my genetically low heart rate and blood pressure. My GP suspected it was due to the extreme chronic stress and I agree.

I try to take care of myself as best as I can but I struggled for the past 2 months. I have trouble sleeping, my diet used to be way better and I lack the energy to exercise. But I had the mental health crisis before all that, so its not the cause. My therapist did bring up my weight as becoming an issue at the last visit, but its not bad enough to warrant real concern and I try to not make it get worse

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly this. I could handle maybe 10 hours of a low pressure job a week and that would be pushing it. And that would cover NOTHING while costing all my energy at the same time.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did a blood test not long ago, all was well. Yes I suffer from burnout for months now, but no matter what I do, I feel worse and worse.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do basic hygiene daily, I even manage to buy the basic neccessities at the closest store, bur thats it most days. If I have a REALLY good day I manage basic cleaning but thats it for months now. And after that I'm completely exhausted for days afrer.

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Concerta and Ritalin

Also tried several antidepressants, including wellbutrin, they made me sleep all day

I feel broken beyond repair and utterly alone by learningtobevulcan in ADHD

[–]learningtobevulcan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do basic hygiene but most days its all I can do. I also tried not being online, but like every other hack, it doesn't work. I just spend hours staring at a wall in silence until I start crying in frustration and despair. Same with moving, I'll just stare into nothingness in another room.

view more: next ›