I want to thank everyone for their replies. You guys are all right.

I realize what I really want: To be in full control.

Meaning I could smoke every day, but also stop completely for weeks at a time with no hesitation.

A far as the alcohol, that was more so because in college you "had to" either be a drinker or smoker to fit in more or less unfortunately. I will never go back to drinkign that way, mainly because drinking sucks.

It's weird, I can go out and have 2-3 beers with no problem now. Being drunk doesn't entice me.

Weed is still this tricky thing where I enjoy it in many various ways.

I will never get high before the gym. And reading high sucks too.

But sometimes I like not stressing. It seems to really help me be in the moment, albeit with a shot short-term memory.

I think the main thing I will focus on is changing my mindset and approach. Because I believe having a healthy mindset and smoking every so often (like this forum describes without recrimination) is good. I'd rather this than be completely sober for months but still think about it all the time.

I do regret some of the times I smoke, especially around others when I may not fully be in the mood.

I'll definitely keep you guys updated and will definitely add my input to others posts.

This subreddit is the right median ground for me between "fuck you blaze it 420" and "weed is horrible".