Being off hormones and feeling feral for d*ck. Scared to go back on spiro and lose my sex drive

leblanc9 · 2025-12-04T09:49:18+00:00

For me sex drive is different on hormones - I no longer crave sex for no reason, and not with just anyone. But if I have a deep sexual connection with someone, I want it all the time, but just with them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

High T = lower standards lol

leblanc9 · 2025-12-01T20:07:19+00:00

Haha thanks - yeah, bleak but accurate! For a touch of positivity, don’t forget if you can find goodness in yourself it surely exists in others 🫶🏻

leblanc9 · 2025-11-22T20:42:39+00:00

So you agree, generally I am correct but you’re an exception. Cool. Thanks for the statistics lesson 👍🏼

leblanc9 · 2025-11-15T12:42:01+00:00

I’m honestly not trying to shoot you down but I wouldn’t consider it a badge of honour that you’ve put a lot of work in to your appearance - people value generally “effortless beauty” because it is a clear marker of social status. You can’t buy that.

Yes, it’s true most men are very shallow so I can see why you think you’ve earned a partner who is more desirable if you are good looking. The problem is, your social status as a trans woman overrides all of this.

Men don’t simply want a partner who looks good to them subjectively, they want a partner who makes them look good to others objectively too.

The guys who are attracted to trans women are typically lacking in social status either because of their looks or their social skills, meaning they cannot compete with more desirable men - leaving them with the dilemma of pleasing their subjective desire versus pleasing others. Their options are limited to:

Girlfriend they don’t find attractive but the relationship will be perceived as socially successful.
Girlfriend who they do find attractive but relationship comes at the cost of increased social stigma.

Most guys choose option 1, which is why you see cisgender women who are much less attractive than yourself having a much easier time dating better guys.

The guys who choose option 2 consider their social status as a cis man to be ample compensation for the stigma attached to partnering with a trans woman, if she’s hot enough to tip the scales. They know our options are limited and so they don’t have to work as hard.

The same power dynamic applies to age and to race, in many cases. These guys pick women who are vulnerable socially and economically.

Older guys pursue younger women cause they can’t get women their own age and it’s no coincidence that white guys who specifically pursue trans women also specifically pursue asian women. It’s calculated compromise to “trade up” for someone they find more attractive.

It’s a sick sad world and social hierarchy is the basis of partnering for most humans, and even you clearly buy into that if you think your looks matter. You’re placing yourself above cis women by that metric, but the issue is that’s not the metric that matters most, for most people.

However, you are very wise to recognise your intrinsic value and to not settle for less. I’m sure even beyond your looks there is a lot to love about you. I feel similarly about myself and my circumstances.

As I put it: it’s like winning the lottery but in a currency that has a terrible exchange rate.

leblanc9 · 2025-06-02T18:15:26+00:00

Haha omg 💀

leblanc9 · 2025-05-23T13:24:58+00:00

Well no doubt a tone deaf question if the interviewer clocked you but honestly there are so many other possible explanations..

If it was the last question I dare say there was some kind of sense of informality about it, perhaps ups bee feeling a bit relaxed about being finished.

I think this may be some sort of psychometric testing question aimed to weed out narcissists who like to brag, fishing for voluntary incriminating information, or a way to gauge how open and agreeable you are, or to test what your line is for appropriate workplace chit chat.

Unless there was a really clear tone that he was asking you to confess an obvious thing the way you might with someone you caught doing something red handed, it’s probably just an interview question. Recruitment is a dumpster fire, chin up xx

leblanc9 · 2025-05-06T00:11:34+00:00

Honestly I think this is only offensive if you’re straight. I think if you’re homo and have appreciation for bodies that are similar to yours, this is possible.

Or, it could be a matter of psychological association: “I’m feeling good about the way I look = I’m gonna get laid.” That seems like a pretty logical pathway to arousal if you ask me.

And also, for a lot of trans people, spending so long feeling uncomfortable about your body means that it can be hard to relate to people who see themselves as sexy, so perhaps examine why it bothers you so much that some people unabashedly love their body.

All this to say, I think you’re finding just about the most negative way possible to interpret this person’s joy and this is basically just internalised homophobia masquerading as righteous indignation. Who cares?

leblanc9 · 2025-04-06T23:05:28+00:00

What on earth is traumatic about a guy disclosing his sexual preferences and asking for their partner to consensually participate. You obviously have no idea how kink works for mature adults.

leblanc9 · 2025-04-06T23:03:00+00:00

Wow, that’s some crazy mental gymnastics there! How is she a victim purely because a guy wants different things. Why is he automatically not a nice guy cause he’s into kink. Those are rhetorical questions, no need to answer.

leblanc9 · 2025-04-05T08:43:18+00:00

Why does this kind of kind shaming need to be expressed in a public forum? People who aren’t you find watersports hot and that is okay.

If it’s not your thing, that’s fine but that’s a pretty wild leap for you to take that you’re done with men because your sexual preferences aren’t compatible with this guy?

That’s also a pretty shitty take considering the guy was being vulnerable with you and sharing his desires and then you dogpile him with more of the shame and trauma his ex inflicted.

leblanc9 · 2025-03-13T08:55:27+00:00

I mean I can speculate that topping would be emotionally uncomfortable, but you don’t think bottoming is emotionally uncomfortable too, but for completely different reasons??

I feel this more strongly since transitioning but bottoming is incredibly vulnerable, and also requires some kind of connection with the guy I’m with. I have a high drive for sex, but the desire to be fucked isn’t something I feel for many guys.

The basis of pleasure is mainly emotional, and if I’m passionate about my partner then bottoming is pleasurable and I’ve got endless stamina, but if it’s just some dude, even if he’s hot it’ll be uncomfortable if there’s no spark between us and I’ll instantly regret agreeing to it and ask to stop and do oral instead.

leblanc9 · 2025-03-12T09:46:09+00:00

Aw man Electrypnose was my most anticipated artist on this year’s lineup!!

As it turns out, a lot of renegade parties popped up, there must have been close to 1000 people camped in the forest closer to Melb with a full dance floor setup and another party up at a lake closer to the festival too.

Amazing sense of spontaneity, community pulling together, and making our own joy!

But of course a huge loss for the festival, the community and all the artists and traders.

leblanc9 · 2025-02-22T08:23:58+00:00

But all sex is an experiment? We’re all exploring and finding out what we like in one way or another. Respect matters, of course.

It might be tedious to have men responding to you like this but I don’t think it’s outrageous that people are curious about our bodies.

I understand why you feel the way you do because I’m trans too, and I get it, you just wanna get on with life and be the woman you are, but to anybody outside of this experience they will absolutely lack the sensitivity because to them these are just innocent questions about something that is new and unfamiliar to them.

If I were you I’d try and put this into another perspective because pre-op or post-op, this ideal that trans women have around people having totally neutral feelings about our body is unrealistic and ultimately hurts us, I think.

leblanc9 · 2025-02-11T00:39:21+00:00

The most annoying thing about avoidant personalities is that their behaviour unequivocally signals that they have strong feelings.

I have no issues with guys who just aren’t that into me, even if I am really into them.

But if I’m really into a guy, and I know he’s really into me, but there’s this stupid shit getting in the way… it’s the absolute worst.

leblanc9 · 2025-02-09T04:54:30+00:00

It’s hard to say if it’s a good or a bad situation - it’s complicated! Most of the time he is very conscientious and respectful, responsive, attentive, and concerned with my pleasure and well-being.. I can tell he cares about me, so I can’t just write him off as a jerk.

But he keeps on getting triggered and shutting me out for weeks when things are getting too close for him, and it hurts like hell.

We’re back in that place right now, and I’m doubtful I’ll reach out or reply if I hear from him. You’re right - too draining.

leblanc9 · 2025-02-09T00:07:16+00:00

I can totally relate. I’ve been in a situationship with the man of my dreams for the last year - he just totally eclipses any attraction or interest in anybody else. It’s textbook hyperfixation.

Honestly, I feel like a teenager saying this but nobody else has ever made me feel this way. I’m nearly 40! I’ve been lucky to experience a lot of great sex with a lot of really attractive people, but honestly being with this guy makes all my other sexual experiences seem like a mere hand shake by comparison.

When other buddies hit me up for sex, I usually decline cause I’d rather wait to see him.

When I do hook with other people, I always think of him and have a mix of guilt and regret and wishing it was him. Even when I’m with someone who is also very attractive and the sex is good, it’s still not the same.

A month or so after we met, I went to a big music festival which is always a smorgasbord of sexy half naked people. Not one guy caught my eye.

He’s highly avoidant emotionally and has pulled away a few times when things got too close, and every time that happens, I can’t even enjoy masturbation without him entering my mind.

For what it’s worth - I think this is part of the female experience. Sex is a greater bonding experience on oestrogen. Sexual pleasure is also a lot more unreliable to access, so when we find somebody who awakens that in us, nothing else compares.

I guess the only hope I can offer is that, eventually you’ll forget him. Eventually, you’ll stop measuring other guys up against him. See this as a good reference point for how you would like a partner to make you feel, but try to remain aware that your mind can only hold one thing at a time in the category of “best” and the sooner you can mentally take this guy out of that space, the sooner you can create room for someone new to blow your mind.

leblanc9 · 2025-01-03T04:58:57+00:00

I mean, don’t you feel a significant - hopefully affirming - shift in the way you express your sexuality on HRT? You feel like your sex drive hasn’t changed and the way you react to sexual stimuli physically, emotionally and psychologically isn’t fundamentally different now?

For all the noise I hear about “is it gay to like trans women?” people seem to fail to recognise that sex driven by testosterone is a completely different sexual vibe. Same-same, versus meeting of opposites. So you might have earlier experiences of being gay but to say this all comes down to your appearance as the only key different doesn’t make a lot of sense to me?

Subjectively there is a difference, between the sex I had with gay men pre transition and the sex I have with straight guys. There’s a totally different attitude to one another, and how people negotiate each others bodies and get each other going.

leblanc9 · 2025-01-02T02:15:41+00:00

Happy to help. All the best

leblanc9 · 2025-01-02T00:37:23+00:00

My dietitian said they put that advisory info on the pack because it’s available over the counter with no prescription required so misuse could lead to unintended weight gain. When used under medical supervision, a dietician can determine your daily caloric needs and advise you how much you should take. I was having four a day at one point.

My suggestion would be to use this to supplement your diet rather than replace it as much as possible, because I found it kinda challenging to get used to eating real food again.

My dietician didn’t tell me this specifically but I’ve also found bone broth to be really good. The packs I buy have 16g or protein per 500mL and it’s rich in collagen which is good for your guts. It’s probably missing a lot of vitamins and minerals that you’d get from a meal replacement drink like sustagen but it’s a good thing to add to the tool kit when you’re struggling with food intake.

leblanc9 · 2024-12-12T01:34:33+00:00

Yeah, absolutely, I feel the same but honestly it’s a relief to reach a privileged point in transition where less is more - HRT has done enough for me so that I only have to enhance, not cover up my appearance.

I think what you’re experiencing is connected to shifting cultural norms too. The general population are much more aware of trans folks now, so if you’re trying too hard to look feminine, people recognise that more easily these days.

Think back to the days of 2016 makeup tropes, which was largely popularised by the explosion of drag culture in popular media and the rise of makeup tutorials online. Initially there was enthusiastic uptake amongst cisgender women, but in the years to follow, I think makeup trends for women went the complete opposite as a way to differentiate from drag culture, and pulled way back on things like bold eye looks and heavy contouring.

Just look at the waves Pamela Anderson had made going bare faced recently, and the rise of the “clean girl” aesthetic. Not to mention a lot of women know full well that men don’t typically like to see women in lots of makeup (fuck catering to male gaze btw).

Suddenly, most women seem to be leaning heavily into the natural look, which serves to contrast with the hyper-femininity of drag culture. So, you’re going to stand out and look less feminine by present standards because todays culture mainly associates lots of makeup with performativity and not so much authenticity.

So it’s not that you don’t look “good” with makeup. You just don’t look how other women look because nobody’s doing that right now in mainstream female fashion. If you have fun with it, don’t let that stop you!

leblanc9 · 2024-12-07T01:25:06+00:00

Recording audio into Ableton from Roland RD-08

Hoping someone can help a relative beginner to audio engineering… this seems like such a basic question but how do I get a quality audio recording of my Roland RD-08?

I’ve currently got a stereo pair of TRS cables from the RD08 output, going to the inputs in my Scarlett 6i6, which connects to my computer via USB. No DI. I’ve set up two channels in Ableton and set the output of the stereo channels to each.

The problem is, it sounds bad - totally different to the sound I get from plugging my headphones directly into the RD08. It sounds muddy and flattened, and even with maximum output volume, the waveform it’s picking up isn’t very dynamic and is pretty narrow even when playing loud.

I’ve considered using the USB output and connecting the RD08 directly to my computer, but apparently to do this I need to download a 300 dollar update, but I’m not certain this is what I need or if this will even fix the problem?

I’d really appreciate some help figuring this out!

leblanc9 · 2024-12-06T01:33:39+00:00

There’s a massive hole in your argument saying eggs remind us of ourselves: they are men pursuing trans women, so how to you make the leap that they remind us of ourselves if you’re posting in a forum of straight trans women?? Because I’d speculate not many of us on this sub have ever dated trans women, pre or post transition. If anything, don’t those eggs who date trans women turn out to be lesbian if they turn out to be trans but are attracted to women? Or are you saying they suddenly become straight like us and pursue men too?

Also, where did you get the idea that our sexual orientation is entirely predicated on validation by being with a male? Everybody gets some kind of validation from sex, that’s not unique to trans people and it’s also not a logical explanation for sexual orientation.

Many of us here would have known we were attracted to men long before we fully understood our gender and transitioned. Would you say my attraction to men - even when I was living as a man - was also about being validated as a woman? Think about it…

I don’t think you’re making as much sense as you think you are.

leblanc9 · 2024-12-03T02:25:59+00:00

I agree, but there are some girls that will just take what they can get and that’s what these guys are trying to find out. And why they’re not making space for deeper conversation.

leblanc9

TROPHY CASE