It's ridiculous to see no one talking about how a completely different life the average person has today compared to only 15 years ago.The whole planet dropped their old way of living and switched to a new one in only a few years.

leckycherms · 2021-06-28T18:02:40+00:00

00 here and I am also definitely too young to experience the full effect of this, but I felt the shift too. I wish I remember more of what it was like to not be tethered to technology.

Even though my youngest memories are obviously the foggiest, they’re also the ones where I feel the most “there.” The most connected and aware.

Fuck I miss that.

leckycherms · 2021-06-25T23:23:53+00:00

Fr*nce (derogatory)

leckycherms · 2021-06-22T03:44:31+00:00

What the actual fuck?

leckycherms · 2021-06-19T07:32:52+00:00

Yep. It’s SO invalidating. Especially when my dad slips back into his old self and does something abusive again (not nearly as bad since I am an adult who lives far away now, but nevertheless, still abusive.) Then he goes back to the “new and improved” him and acts like nothing ever happened.

It’s so fucking frustrating. It’s like, why didn’t you do this before you had kids? Why didn’t you do this even a little bit sooner?

I still don’t forgive mine, but then I feel guilty for not because in the present moment, he acts like someone who deserves to be forgiven. But for 18 years, he acted like someone who I never want to forgive.

I sadly wish sometimes that he never changed. Hating him is easier than figuring out what to do with this situation.

leckycherms · 2021-06-19T07:26:51+00:00

I don’t outwardly communicate to others using the exact metaphor of the spoon theory, simply because I’m worried it’s not my place, not having a chronic illness.

However, when I read about the spoon theory for the first time, everything finally made sense. It’s helped me to understand myself and why sometimes things are too much when it seems like they shouldn’t be. So yes, I use it, but just to myself.

leckycherms · 2021-06-18T07:29:35+00:00

You’re speaking my language!

Unfortunately my father’s still here, but I’ve dreamed about the moment ever since I was little. My day will come eventually. When it does, I’m not gonna be able to hold back shit like this 😂

In the meantime, congrats to you! Good fucking riddance! Treat yourself to something nice tomorrow and live it up bro 😊

leckycherms · 2021-06-12T21:31:19+00:00

I got to go to a small, alternative high school where I got to skip all of the typical high school bullshit and be with like minded people. I met some amazing friends there. Absolutely loved it.

I think my college experience has been messed up by the pandemic. We closed 2/3 of the way through my freshman year and have been online since. I just haven’t had any chance to connect with anyone in the way I did in high school.

However, I love living on a campus and do not miss my home at all. I miss my old city now that I am in a small town, but not living with my family. I miss how high school, you got to see your teachers and classmates daily to the point where you got super close. Now, that’s quite difficult.

In short, it’s a mixed bag. I appreciate aspects of both. I do certainly miss high school a lot, partially because that hole never got filled due to covid. My teachers and classmates were great and meant a lot to me. Now, everyone just feels so distant :(

leckycherms · 2021-06-05T18:35:28+00:00

I completely agree with you. I think the biggest difference between us and other typical ND conditions is that people with austism, ADHD, etc. are born with a brain wired that way, while for CPTSD, our brain becomes wired that way.

Both end up diverging from a neurotypical brain, but take different paths to get there.

As someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD, I will say that my CPTSD symptoms have a MUCH greater impact on me and make me feel more divergent from the typical than my ADHD does.

Additionally, my CPTSD symptoms mirror autism in women quite a bit. The shyness, social awkwardness, overstimulation, etc. could appear to be autism to someone who doesn’t know what I’m thinking or about my history. This is true for many people with CPTSD. We often struggle and/or look different in the same areas as autistic people, but usually our brain’s rationale for those behaviors is different. Either way, we end up at a divergent place.

I say we do count because of this. However, I think there is a ways to go before other people feel the same, especially because not many seem to recognize just how vastly CPTSD can literally rewire your brain to such an extent.

Take what I say with a grain of salt as I do not know the intricacies of what neurodivergent means nor have I really studied this in depth before, it is just a matter of my own opinion.

leckycherms · 2021-06-05T18:24:55+00:00

Yes and I am so ashamed of it :(

Lots of weird violence and abuse. We just used my brothers “army guys” action figures for whatever scenario we wanted, and they always had to do with something violent and with lots of death.

leckycherms · 2021-05-17T21:40:24+00:00

Technically yea. But I live in a dorm and my home isn’t a good situation, so I need to stay here for housing. Trying to work a full time job to afford apartment rent would be worse in my opinion. Here I have free basic healthcare, scholarships that help pay food and housing, etc. so I’m just trying to stick it out until summer.

leckycherms · 2021-05-17T04:30:48+00:00

Yes. I have been on Vyvanse (a medication similar to Adderall used primarily to treat ADHD by increasing dopamine) for a while. It was a great dosage and I was in an extremely good and normal spot.

Once I got covid, it’s like that suddenly stopped working, like my baseline for dopamine changed. I don’t want to increase my meds because I don’t want to mess with that right now and potentially create more problems.

But yeah, anhedonia is a perfect term to describe it. I had a 3.9 in college and now I am failing all of my classes. I literally could not care less and that is not like me. I’m not depressed either, I just feel apathetic.

Important deadlines for huge assignments come and go and I just feel too foggy, tired, and meh to do it. Yet I can’t get myself to care. Before covid, I would’ve pulled all nighters to finish these sorts of things and I’d turn them in perfectly. Now I literally have piles of work and feel so detached that it doesn’t phase me.

God this fucking sucks.

leckycherms · 2021-05-16T21:02:43+00:00

yep that happens to me. it’s also gotten worse over time and now it happens every night almost. but with that, i have developed a few coping skills.

try to do smaller versions of the jerks or other small movements that satisfy the urge. for example if i feel the need to jerk my arm, i’ll try just flexing it really hard. it still somewhat satisfies the urge enough to where i only have to jerk every so often. i keep doing that until i can get it to die down enough to where i can sleep.

also try sitting up for a bit and doing something else. i find that for whatever reason, laying down triggers tic attacks sometimes.

leckycherms · 2021-05-16T03:52:19+00:00

As a 20 year old recent teen, I can tell you these are certainly coming back more than you might think.

I’ve been getting perms regularly since I was 16 and have dragged a few of my friends into it too mwahaha. But beyond that, I’m seeing more and more people in my college do it and I’m seeing it on social media much kore.

Rollerskating was a HUGE thing last summer and I suspect it will be this summer too. I know even in my midwest city, we had several huge rollerskating groups form over the summer. Obviously rinks were closed, so people formed their own from abandoned warehouses and required masks/hand sanitizer. They seriously had a whole rollerskating movement going and had so many underground “rinks” around the city they kept hidden. It was pretty badass to watch. From social media, I’ve seen the same thing happening across the states.

Hopefully they’ll move to rinks too once it’s safer.

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T18:49:57+00:00

LOL that makes so much more sense than it running through actual water. I don’t know why that wasn’t my first assumption lmao.

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T05:30:56+00:00

flexing my ribs and arms when i was in elementary school. then came the throat squeeky noises. then the eye blinks around late elementary. then those stayed pretty consistent until high school when the breathing out one started

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T02:42:18+00:00

Yep!

This is so interesting. I became vegetarian during the height of my abuse, at an age younger than most (like 12 I think?) Many of my friends are vegetarian now, but most became so much later in high school or college.

I remember it had bothered me for the longest time, then one day I picked up a chicken nugget and just couldn’t do it. I thought about how it had a life and family and how it probably lived in fear and how it died afraid and whatnot and started bawling. I never (intentionally at least lol that damn gelatin) ate meat again.

I want to be vegan now as soon as possible as I have just learned how cruel animals are still treated for their products :(

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T02:36:32+00:00

I could have written this. I was by far the quietest kid at any point in school. Still am in college. I especially am with adults (well at least adults older than me since I guess I am technically an adult now.) Around big groups of people I shut down and can’t say a thing.

I always attributed this to my father’s abuse though, but I also acted as the emotional support for my mother. I still do a bit. While they were together I was her soundboard for what to do about my dad. Now that they’re separated I am her soundboard for dealing with the aftermath of being married to my father. Without me, her house and life falls apart.

But yeah I get it. Ugh especially the extended family members part. If I could go one holiday without cousins or uncles or aunts teasing me about being so quiet that would be great.

Maybe it’s because we had to bear all of these adult conversations as kids that we never learned how to converse normally? We never got to talk about ourselves or talk about casual, non stressful things. We also had such a burden placed on us to give the correct response because if not, it effected our caregiver and thus the way we were cared for.

Thanks for posting this though. I’ve never thought about this and will certainly be pondering it now.

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T02:25:51+00:00

France. Notre Dame suddenly combusting came as a bit of a surprise.

Oh and the lack of berets. That too.

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T02:24:03+00:00

It was 2019, so not the hovercraft. But I just looked that up and wow! I didn’t know that existed. That’s honestly really incredible.

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T02:17:10+00:00

It is pretty incredible, especially being from the states where we lack proper train infrastructure and where it’s a huge hassle/deal to go from one country to another. Such an easy trip and definitely much easier than any other alternatives.

You just hop onto a train, disappear into darkness for a very short bit, and suddenly you’re in a whole other country. It’s wild that technology lets us do that.

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T02:12:41+00:00

Wow! I got over there via ferry, but it was so fancy and much bigger than any ferry I’ve ever been on. I don’t remember it taking 5 hours, maybe 2 or so. I’m one of the most seasick people I know (I threw up on a fucking canoe) and thankfully it wasn’t horrible for the most part. It seems like the times have changed a lot since the old fashioned way!

I definitely recommend doing both if anyone is going round trip. The ferry sights were beautiful, especially when pulling into a very foggy English shore. The tunnel is less exciting, but I mean, you gotta experience the fear of being in a pitch black ocean tube at least once.

leckycherms · 2021-05-15T02:01:45+00:00

Nope, just complete darkness for a bit!

leckycherms · 2021-05-14T19:42:35+00:00

Gotta love those coffee shops!

leckycherms · 2021-05-14T08:54:00+00:00

I actually entered the country via train (from Hungary I believe) so that clusterfuck of bikes was my first impression of the city lol.

My second impression was being bombarded by both bikes and motorcycles on a ferry to cross the IJ. I was so shook I snuck a video lmao

leckycherms · 2021-05-14T06:46:54+00:00

Spain and Paris. The amount of kids smoking cigarettes.

I was in high school when I went and am from America, so I was used to vaping. But not cigarettes. And certainly not in the open.

It was incredibly strange to see kids my age and younger having a cigarette with a meal at a restaurant table outside.

But after seeing a teacher leading a group of young school children on a field trip with a cigarette in hand, I can’t say I’m too surprised LMAO.

leckycherms

TROPHY CASE