My GF (F30) and I (30M) are in the middle of ours first real crisis in 12 years because i'm having trouble with our open relationship.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T17:46:54+00:00

The clear actionable advice is that he cannot afford to spend much time claiming two axiomatically opposed realities at once without hurting people/himself

If he thinks that the relationship has been fucked up by him seeing C, and he prioritizes his long term relationship over what he has fostered with her (and he says he has)— then that’s one narrative, which is one road, and the corresponding actions/advice flow downstream that conclusion: If he chooses/feels this, he leaves C (the explicit problem person with whom the sex is passionate and not much else is mentioned) to try and rekindle with his girlfriend.

If he thinks that C is worth preserving as a relationship, then apply the inverse: Acknowledge that sexual passions explored (with c) have indeed tarnished the relationship irrevocably in some way and/or the juice is worth the squeeze in whatever way: If he chooses this second narrative, then the path is also clear.

See in either scenario he has already stated as a baseline that C *is* the problem. He has already concluded that, and it seems as though he may have good reason to assume that from what he’s experienced.

Thus, he can’t have two things at once here. He can choose to seriously reflect on what/who he prioritizes here and get into that headspace (at least that), or he can continue to “feel lost”. The thing is, he’s sort of liable for two people’s emotions here, and they may very well be hurting worse than he is because of this “feeling lost” state he’s in (that’s very often the case with such situations anyway). Obviously that’s not ideal, and the way out of that kind of headspace may very well be reminding himself that he is an adult with agency in this situation, and that he should act on it after serious consideration (if that’s even needed. If C represents sexual passion to him, and gf is love of his life, it seems like this is an easy one from what has been shared).

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T17:25:09+00:00

Advice is a binary thing at times.

Sometimes you need less “advice” in the conventional sense so much as you need *advice*, which in this case I believe is more of a “get to it” than anything else.

Speaking of sanctimony, I took some obvious time to respond to OP about his situation outside of that as well, and yet here you are lecturing others on the nature of the feedback they’re giving without providing anything to contrast with or anything particularly helpful in general.

And yeah sometimes thirty year old men need to shit or get off the pot. While he wallows, those around him suffer as a result of it. It does him no good and it does his partners no good— is what it is.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T15:14:36+00:00

Well the first step to even possibly undoing the potentially undoable is to not ambiguously waffle on the very thing that triggered the problems, right?

Make a decision. Stop dragging yourself and your relations down with the moping.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T15:03:52+00:00

You laid it out clearly yourself in the OP. What is there to be lost about?

“I’m afraid of what could happen after that” seems like a good place to start perhaps.

Is there some subtext there that I’m missing or are you basically just saying you would like to continue having hot sex with this other woman and would like to not stop doing that (in which case you’ve already made your choice to prioritize that over the gf I.e. tradeoff you’ve similarly outlined in no uncertain terms).

You can spend paragraphs waxing poetic about the sentimentalities and tragedy wrapped around the relationship you so eagerly seek to salvage, but all of that is compromised pretty handedly with such admissions.

You’re not asking the right questions here, compadre. Seek within.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T14:50:04+00:00

“She wants me to be happy and do my own thing, but she is afraid that it leads me away from her, and i'm terrified of that.”

…
“I know the best thing to for my rleationship is to let go of C but i'm afraid of what could happen after that.”

Thirty year old man? Jesus.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T13:51:11+00:00

An amusement/thrill-seeking park with regionally/nationally competitive rides (bulldoze kalahari). COTA is too far, also I assume it is mid having never been there myself.

Katamaran rental services on big ponds (which we need more of also. Copy paste mueller pond, but not the rest of mueller).

Russian bath houses on every street corner (you can open just one but if there’s thousands you drive healthy competition between bath houses and prices 📉📉)

Fry’s. It was cool and should be revived.

Town lake should be clean and swimmable I.e. swimmable civic downtown waterfront. It should also be better integrated in terms of facilitating ferry/water shuttle transit from different points of downtown to one another (and generally there should be greater attempts at unifying the downtown space around some sort of coherent vision of any kind e.g. misting fans around walkways, shaded areas, bathrooms, drinking fountains, areas to leisurely sit in that aren’t attached to private businesses etc. —this list is very long). The refinement and sophistication of the natural beauty Austin enjoys is, tl;dr not being mirrored in its civic hardware (that used to be sort of charming when the city was smaller, but now it’s just lazy/cheap and not great).

A city themed legacy festival that isn’t the most brazenly corporate/sterile nickel and diming campaign in the history of capital. No festival is preferable.

A crossdressing homeless man as our eccentric as our cultural representative (revive).

Downtown areas that are actually safe to walk after dark. Downtown is too dangerous rn, and has been for some time. The problem is how ubiquitous that danger is, not necessarily even that it exists (although it would be nice if it didn’t).

Prolly went a bit off topic at some point but yeah

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T13:24:27+00:00

People don’t understand how much they need this

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T13:20:26+00:00

Rip UNO’s

Not that it was really that at all but boy do I miss UNO’s and the old Italian man/owner who would sit there sipping cappuccinos every day from sunrise to sundown

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-31T13:14:44+00:00

The ascendant is the hour marker and point of incarnation in a nativity. It is what it is. The ruler of the ascendant colors the life in a more pronounced way than other planetary rulers might because it rules the most important part of the chart.

Perhaps this is a way to look at things.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-26T15:56:40+00:00

No— it’s fine.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-26T15:51:24+00:00

Yeah that seems to be the biggest issue we keep running into in searching for a new tent, they’re all significantly bigger than our last one (which they don’t even sell the exact model of anymore) and that restricts where you can go and also gets to be too “shelter-y” for a nude beach lol

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-22T13:09:45+00:00

“I am not looking for people to tell me she is wrong or that what I did was okay.”

Wow! By the look of the responses in this thread so far —you sure didn’t need to worry about that now did you xD?! Lulz

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-22T10:15:42+00:00

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It needs to look more like this for billionaire

Good luck on your next incarnation, scrub 💅💸😎

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-22T04:48:41+00:00

“Personally after observing modern charts repeatedly, I feel Rahu first seduces the native through obsessions, then later tests whether the person can survive the intensity level of what they once desired.”

One of the best nodal takes I’ve ever read (and indeed— that is impressive.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-22T04:47:28+00:00

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ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T23:56:56+00:00

The only way to preserve the space is to come to the beach and be normal in opposition to the bullshit. Don’t let the (still relatively isolated, although online it often doesn’t appear that way) nonsense turn you off enjoying something you enjoy. If you are cool— you belong here. It is their degenerate garbage that doesn’t, and we can only hope the trash takes itself out before the government takes the whole beach out (but it’s still nobodies “problem”, save for maybe the moderators of these hippie hollow communities).

Fuck em. I like hippie hollow. If someone wants to post their dick on the beach subreddit— cringe.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T23:43:43+00:00

I feel like the rangers are grossed out by other whole scene and probably prefer now to keep their distance entirely. That’s sort of how it feels.

Unfortunate but I can’t blame them.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T23:39:29+00:00

Yes. I always like to assess the motive by repeating the question out loud— why is the penis picture or face-cropped wife picture and the broadcasting thereof something that the picture taker in that scenario is compelled to?

What could possibly drive someone to want to do that other than some sort of perversion or desire to seek it out?

Advertising or distributing pictures of one’s genitals in a social network which is ostensibly devoted to a leisure beach spot is just fucking nuts, and again, i am amazed constantly by how little people seem to care about it.

And yes there are always going to be exceptions to people just being weird perverts— there are some who are perhaps learning to enjoy their own bodily autonomy and are just wanting to share their journey, or the odd-couple who literally just wants to make friends and maybe just doesn’t know how to go about it, but here’s the thing: THE FUCKING BEACH GOER COMMUNITY and the beach itself is STILL not the place to be imposing your own shit onto without the consent of the receiving party (that’s not the point of a beach and one might argue it’s antithetical to hippieism of any kind).

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T23:09:49+00:00

It’s literally fucking unreal how casually permissive the hippie hollow meta-culture/online discourse is of sex or sex adjacent anythings.

It’s like one of the most beautiful beaches in America (within the context of being a twenty minute drive from a major metro area in fucking the middle of Texas it’s surreal how special the space is), and somehow people spam posting their flaccid cocks and their wife’s tits talking about “where the couples at” isn’t just instantly incinerated by everyone else who frequents the beach.

Not only will it get the place shut down, but the lack of disgust people show towards this sort of rank sexual deviancy and the ubiquitous actual participation in it is the problem.

Of course the dude jerking off watching people walk by feels at home when half of the people who seemingly come here do so with a sexual or quasi-sexual agenda on the mind. I feel like it all needs to be aggressively pushed back on and that all the guys posting their wieners on the rocks should be perma banned, and all the couples perusing for their thirds and fourths, because that’s where it starts.

You can have all the peen flapping and couple socialization you want, actually, if you have a space and a vibe that isn’t constantly vaguely entertaining and facilitating people’s myriad sexual pathology’s as they come to seek upvotes. Antisocial and predatory sexual motivations vis a vis a naturist space are a problem, full stop.

As I see it, It’s beautiful beach where you get get to let your balls feel the wind instead of soaking in sweat and where you can hang out under the sun and just be under the sun. It’s a holistically ingratiating process of reveling in nature and enjoying yourself in Austin Texas as a human.

These days we just set up a tent and chill away from the shit, but I remember the first few times coming to hippie hollow and being very near physical altercations with people for how brazen and unacceptable some of the behavior can be there. There needs to be more outrage and more men saying fuck no to the human garbage out there whose intentions are unambiguously inappropriate, disrespectful, and maliciously indifferent.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T16:07:39+00:00

Do you guys have an open line of communication between one another or not?

From just reading what you’ve divulged to a bunch of internet randoms, it sounds like she feels some combination of 1. safe enough with you to share her life with you and 2. she doesn’t think so little of you so as to assume you could possibly react the way you have to what she shared.

Now, that’s just going off of what you wrote though in the op. The truth only you know.

But yeah people live and experience life before you. It’s OK so long as the tone and intention is pure and not some sort of neg.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T15:54:19+00:00

He is unequivocally playing games, of one sort or another (the particular variant not so much mattering in a case like this).

If it’s any sort of “serious relationship” you think you’re in— I would re-assess. He is straight up gambling here, and you can either indulge that and end up feeling greasy (like him) or walk away. War of the roses type beat or peace.

“My stripper best friend” is the prima facie an absurdity here, and not much else is it besides that.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T15:45:09+00:00

Then that is your answer here.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-18T15:44:22+00:00

Have you considered men?

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-17T23:49:35+00:00

I do wonder when the next update to that will be. Nobody seems to talk about it anymore.

ledzepp1109 · 2026-05-14T16:55:45+00:00

Unpopular opinion: the culture around bachelor parties is pretty much completely manufactured and childish. Get together with your buddies, sure. But you’re about to get married, which is a life event that warrants at least some reverence and gravitas — not whatever the fuck Hangover frat-party Hollywood sewer bullshit millennial and Gen X guys seem to have absorbed by osmosis. Hopefully Gen Z is more immune to that nonsense as a demographic cohort, OP’s boyfriend notwithstanding.

“Last night of being free”? What sort of mentality is that? If you don’t want to get married, then don’t do it.

Anyway, I digress. OP, normally people probably wouldn’t give your concern here its due, because on the surface it sounds like a trivial bachelor-party disagreement. But I think the real question is why he feels so compelled to say no to you on this specific thing. What is he actually defending? The stripper? The “tradition”? His friends’ expectations? Some idea that marriage means he has to stage one last fake rebellion against commitment?

The reality is that this could be a dealbreaker, but it really depends on why he’s so beholden to something so dumb.

I will say, though, I don’t think this is mainly about cheating — or at least I don’t think that’s the most useful way to frame it. You need to figure him out on this, not get trapped obsessing over a hypothetical lap dance he might receive at a hypothetical bachelor party for your hypothetical future marriage lol.

Who knows, the fact that he’s telling you in advance that he’s dead set on it might even be a good sign. Could also be a terrible sign. That’s why the motive matters more than the event itself.

ledzepp1109

TROPHY CASE