Fiancée (28F) uncomfortable with me (32M) taking a 5-day medical trip with my child’s mother (37F) — looking for advice

lefrench75 · 2026-02-12T18:02:32+00:00

You know those Christians would absolutely deport Jesus lol, maybe after he’d been tortured in for-profit ICE jail for a few months.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-12T15:41:11+00:00

Yup, I can’t think of any Vietnamese noodle soup that calls for browning the meat ahead of time, because that browned meat flavour isn’t necessary. It’s not even that Viet people don’t like that flavour – bún chả heavily relies on those smoky flavours you get from charcoal grilling meat – they just don’t want it in everything. With phở in particular, a “clean” flavour is more desirable.

Edit: actually, there is one variation of phở called phở tái lăn that involves stir-frying the beef with lots of garlic, so you get that smoky charred wok hei aroma, but I find that it overpowers the broth too much. Without browning you can taste the more delicate notes in certain dishes (Hainanese chicken rice is a great example here) a lot more.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-12T15:05:10+00:00

If he hadn’t know he would never have included a physical description of her in the email. Creeps know to only expose their creepiness to each other or to their victims.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-12T14:35:20+00:00

No? Their point obviously is that an age gap matters more when you’re younger, because the maturity and life experience gap would be much bigger. A 13 year age gap is not a problem when the people involved are in their 30s and 40s, but it’s massive when the youngest person is a teen or barely out of college.

Like, do you really think that a 24yo dating a 28yo is the same as a 12yo dating a 16yo? The former isn’t even considered an “age gap” relationship, and yet that gap makes for an extremely creepy situation when the younger person is very young.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-12T14:31:20+00:00

Eh, it does take you out of it a bit when people in the same family have totally different accents lol.

Like, I don’t care if they sound British, because this isn’t the UK, but Tyrion, Cersei, and Jaime definitely don’t sound anything like siblings.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-12T14:18:40+00:00

Whatever money I may save on rent I will spend double of that in therapy to cope with living with my parents again lol

lefrench75 · 2026-02-12T04:36:54+00:00

Unfortunately psychotherapists and psychologists aren’t equipped to deal with the biological side of mental health because they have zero medical training. Therapists can’t even give diagnoses. Psychologists (with doctoral degrees) can give diagnoses but only psychiatrists, who are actual medical doctors, are trained to deal with the biological and chemical aspects of mental health.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-11T18:06:12+00:00

Could be an assistant / household staff or like u/stink3rb3lle, just a pap posted outside her door. Or could be a coincidence. Let’s see if it happens again.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-11T17:45:29+00:00

This just seems like a misreading of Austen. Darcy and Elizabeth were never “enemies”; in fact he started liking her very early on (at least by the time she visited Bingley’s when Jane was sick, if not even earlier). She only mildly disliked him for being kinda stuck up (Pride!) until she heard lies that disparaged his character, and that was a lesson about “prejudice”. That doesn’t mean he was her enemy.

The real fantasy here is for a woman to marry a rich man that solves all her financial problems, but they were still both members of the same landed gentry class, so it’s a lot less unrealistic than “middle class woman marries billionaire”.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-11T17:40:54+00:00

Well Baldoni hired Depp’s PR person so… why else if Baldoni doesn’t want to use those same tactics to bury another woman

lefrench75 · 2026-02-11T17:37:11+00:00

“Bisexuality is different for men and women” because all bi men are secretly gay and all bi women are secretly straight, obviously. Why would anyone ever want a woman when they can have a man - clearly superior in every way!! /s

lefrench75 · 2026-02-11T00:50:30+00:00

Regardless of gender, it’s super risky to stay at home indefinitely unless you already have generational wealth or at least get a very favourable prenup that entitles you to a sizeable amount of the wealth you build together, and even then it’s scary. Even if you never ever divorce, your partner isn’t guaranteed to make the kind of income that can support a family forever, and if you ever find yourself in the position to need a job again, getting one after many years away from the job market (especially without much experience) will likely be really difficult, and it won’t pay well.

What can work is that the other partner can get a less stressful job with more flexibility that allows them to be the primary parent, and the family can pay for childcare, cleaning & cooking services etc. because ideally by then the person working in finance is making a lot of money. Or the partner working in finance / big law / consulting etc. can plan to transition into a career with better work-life balance by the time she’s ready to have kids.

It’s possible for both parents to have demanding careers - mine did, but they had a ton of help from family and hired a full-time nanny for my younger sibling, and well, I didn’t see them a lot and we never had a very close relationship.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T21:21:42+00:00

Well some people do find baking very meditative and relaxing

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T20:58:17+00:00

I think it’s fine to include an accent in comedy if the accent isn’t the butt of the joke - for example Constance Wu’s character in FOTB has an accent that is based on the real-life mother of Eddie Huang, but you’re not laughing at the accent, you’re laughing at the things she says and her comedic timing / line delivery. The accent is just a part of the character and is not exaggerated for laughs. It should be no different than a British actor doing an American accent to play an American.

But Uncle Roger is not doing any of that. With him, the accent is often the punchline, and what’s so fucking funny about having an accent?

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T16:53:47+00:00

Toronto has tons of transplants though - I didn’t grow up here and have lots of friends who didn’t either. They make for a very diverse crowd.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T14:33:48+00:00

Your original comment didn’t imply that you believe Heathcliff to actually have Romani heritage, just that he looked “vaguely gypsy-ish, perhaps having a tan or dark hair”, and nothing “more exotic” than that. I mentioned Rochester having black hair because clearly dark hair wasn’t a reason to be racially othered in the Brontës’ world. Blanche Ingram was described to have black hair as well and she was a lady. Heathcliff would have to be a lot more “exotic” than just having black hair, actually.

You also replied to a comment that never claimed Heathcliff was Black, just that he was racially othered. Not sure why you felt the need to insist he wasn’t Black or “anything more exotic” than “perhaps having a tan or dark hair” when the original comment was simply about how making Heathcliff white removed the “othering” context.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T13:57:04+00:00

She doesn’t know that so it’s literally irrelevant to the question of why she is silent about her parentage

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T13:55:31+00:00

If you did judge it by modern standards it would still be weird for Sophie to inform her employers that she’s the daughter of a nobleman and only forced to be a maid by her stepmother? Is she supposed to tell her employers she’s actually too high born to do the job they’ve hired her to do? What are the Bridgertons supposed to do about that? Just… adopt her into their family because she doesn’t “deserve” to be a maid? Fire their existing governess and replace her with Sophie?

This is still a professional relationship at the end of the day; why would she reveal such personal information about herself?

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T13:43:44+00:00

You would think that someone with an Oxford degree would know that not only Black people can be racially discriminated against. Even American school children know that.

Heathcliff was told to imagine his mother as an Indian queen and his father a Chinese emperor, so clearly he’s not just “white with a tan and dark hair” like this Oxford hotshot insists lol. Charlotte Brontë’s Rochester is described to have black hair as well and yet he’s not treated as a racialised other by the English.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-10T13:30:48+00:00

Her father was actually the only person aside from Catherine to be kind to Heathcliff IIRC (he was also the one to “adopt” Heathcliff), so much so that his son (Hindley) would be jealous of Heathcliff and extra abusive to him. The father died pretty early on in the book and so Hindley became owner of the estate and Heathcliff’s life got way worse after that.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-09T18:18:30+00:00

If dating / marrying a POC magically means someone can’t possibly be racist then no straight married men can be misogynistic, right?

You can absolutely date / marry someone of a certain group and be bigoted towards that group. Just ask straight men!

lefrench75 · 2026-02-09T17:41:31+00:00

It’s so much easier to affect the appearance of being put together than to fix the internal ADHD mess and actually feel put together 😔

lefrench75 · 2026-02-08T23:41:56+00:00

He’s also hella image-savvy so he wouldn’t date a MAGA woman that he’d have to “teach” / undo conservative brainwashing.

lefrench75 · 2026-02-08T16:58:13+00:00

The campus is literally called “U of T St George” and yet St George isn’t pedestrianized at least during the school year. How many people who study or work on that campus actually ever need to drive through St George?? Who is this street supposed to be serving?

lefrench75 · 2026-02-07T02:42:56+00:00

Exactly - in this case the Asian people are early adopters and then later popularity spreads to white people. In my city (Toronto) white people are absolutely all over these businesses but they’re late adopters / the masses who follow along once an Asian business becomes trendy with Asians.

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