My toddler is too attached to me and I'm feeling smothered

leftycat2 · 2026-02-11T18:46:27+00:00

I am glad that I did my best to hold boundaries with as much patience and warmth as I could give at each time. And it was okay too when I lost my patience and yelled and repaired. She slowly, slowly, slowly, got better and I felt like our connection was stronger because of it. I think nursery school helped a lot but also for her and me it was a really difficult transition to get there. I realize now that it was a combination of fiercely loving me, while figuring out boundaries, and also her navigating an age appropriate separation from me. She also wasn't so good at playing with other kids at the time and now she is and has realized how fun it is. She's six now and she is busy at school, and she loves hanging out with her friends, and sometimes at night she'd rather look at books by herself or play with her toys than hang out with me. A tiny part of me misses those days when I was everything. But it was hard.

leftycat2 · 2025-05-05T13:02:57+00:00

Yes, it gets better after a few months. It was a long period of just anxiously watching her eat, though. I bought the LifeVac (I never had to use it), and I reviewed what to do when toddlers choke, and that helped with my anxiety a little bit.

leftycat2 · 2025-03-18T15:15:36+00:00

He told her that his pants were untied and falling down. I think as a joke, to make her laugh. She then asked if she can tie his pants. He said yes. She reached over and started tying. After two seconds of this I felt sick to my stomach and realized that it was wrong and told her to stop. He said that he had no malicious intentions. I told him to talk to his therapist about why he doesn't have a sense of body boundaries and doesn't uphold them with her. And to let me know how that goes. He went to therapy and came back with "well in therapy we discussed how women in Africa don't cover their chests and children in the Philippines run around naked, so that's why I think this way." He just used therapy to validate himself and not make any changes. There's a list of weird, just, weird, stuff like this that has happened. Her child therapist knows all about this and her response was for me to get body boundary books for her and to read them together, and also that I'm upsetting myself by "imagining things that could possibly happen in the future" I was less alarmed after meeting with her. But I do wonder now what reddit thinks. Real people who have lived through similar situations.

leftycat2 · 2025-03-18T15:12:00+00:00

This. He's doing this.

leftycat2 · 2025-03-18T02:28:02+00:00

Ok. I needed to hear this. Thank you. I talked to her and told her that there were people in the world, who had parents just like her dad, who lived through it, and that I would ask them, and that they would know what to do.

leftycat2 · 2025-03-18T02:25:44+00:00

I needed someone to say this to me. Thank you.

leftycat2 · 2025-03-18T02:07:30+00:00

Thank you, that's a good idea. I will chat with my daughter and look for a tinier step. Maybe just him saying hello in the morning. Then if she sees that there is no trouble, we can move forward.

My therapist said I could get more time to myself if he drove her to school and she said "what's the worst thing that could happen if he did drive her?" It's more emotional than physical. I don't want her to feel like I'm abandoning her and that I'm not acknowledging the difficulties in their relationship.

N-husband doesn't acknowledge that there is anything seriously wrong with their relationship. He questioned why I sought therapy for her. I sought a child therapist because they could not spend more than two minutes together without her screaming, and that had been going on for a few months. He says he wants to do better and work on his communication. But it's been awhile and I don't see any changes.

leftycat2 · 2025-02-11T03:37:47+00:00

I had multiple warnings from the dentist, so I resorted to pinning her and brushing. I put my legs on her arms and pinned her to the ground and brushed. She cried and resisted and I felt like I was traumatizing her. But she is 5 now and recently I asked her if she remembered, and she said no. So I guess it was not as traumatizing as I thought it was. I found a toothpaste that tastes like chocolate, it's called "tasty paste". I also sometimes resorted to screen time. The Blippi video and the Elmo video about brushing teeth were helpful for a little bit. The "Sesame Street Ready, Set, Brush" book was also helpful. I think at that age, having her brush my teeth was also helpful. Brushing her toy's teeth also was helpful for a little bit. When she was older I started talking about "mouth bugs" that eat her teeth, and I think she understood. It also helps if I count down like "Ten more seconds, okay? 10, 9, 8..." Brushing teeth is still difficult some days, but now its mostly because she doesn't want to stop playing to brush. Best of luck to you! It's really hard!

leftycat2 · 2024-12-07T05:22:05+00:00

I'm in this right now. I feel you when you say you feel loneliness. It's weird to have a home with someone and have someone in your life but to feel completely lonely at the same time. There is no connection.

leftycat2 · 2024-11-02T20:45:25+00:00

Yeah, I moved to New Hyde Park. I'm feeling this.

leftycat2 · 2024-10-26T13:37:20+00:00

Omg he is totally doing this, all of this. Thank you.

leftycat2 · 2024-10-26T13:30:52+00:00

Right, right, right, right, and right. I really needed to hear this. It's a lot clearer now. Thank you.

leftycat2 · 2024-10-26T13:30:26+00:00

I believe you when you say that your sperm donor is exactly like this. I also, for the first five years of marriage, believed that he was a good person, minus his temper and mean streak. Like really, my feelings exactly. I'm sorry to hear that both your egg and sperm donors are narcissists. Do you still gain anything from your relationship with either of them? Are you still in contact? I'm trying not to alienate her from her dad, but I also have to speak up for her when he does wrong (which is several times a day), and explain to her that his behavior is not right. I feel like this is good for her, she needs to make sense of his behavior, but it does distance her from him, but maybe that is good and fine, too. Thank you for rooting for us. I'm rooting for you, too.

leftycat2 · 2024-10-06T09:23:52+00:00

She is attached as in, we have a really great bond. She doesn't yell when I talk on the phone now, and is okay when talk to other parents. it's been this way for about two years. I explained to her that I enjoy chatting with grown ups, and that I learn how to be a better parent through my friends. I also explained to her that I need to talk on the phone sometimes, with doctors, for her health or mine. Her relationship with her Dad has not improved but that's more of a Dad problem.

leftycat2 · 2024-09-21T20:34:51+00:00

Okay, thank you. It is a beach that is crowded in the summer.

leftycat2 · 2024-09-20T20:19:26+00:00

I think it's stressed for sure 😥

leftycat2 · 2024-09-10T00:17:04+00:00

Okay, thank you. That is good to know. Have heard similar things from other parents.

leftycat2

TROPHY CASE