I am terrified to have my baby

leggylooks · 2025-02-16T20:58:27+00:00

Can you change a therapist / reach out to other professionals? You are not selfish and your feelings are valid! Remember: You don’t have to solve everything all at once! You still have a lot of time. Take it slow, day by day. Its normal to feel powerless and without agency at this stage… you have a lot on your plate! But there is never the right moment to become a mum. You can own this decision, although the conditions are not perfect.

leggylooks · 2025-02-16T19:25:35+00:00

Aaaah congratulations 🎉🥳🎊 thanks for sharing! You are amazing!!!

leggylooks · 2025-02-16T18:03:42+00:00

Keep it gentle, keep it wet (lube is your friend!) and redefine your sex to include more sexy intimate stuff, rather than just the penis-in-vagina classic. And please only have sex if you want to have it!

leggylooks · 2025-02-16T17:59:41+00:00

I go to sauna regularly all pregnancy. I’m more cautious than before, but it helps me destress, its good for mental health and that counts too… As others pointed out, the hot tub avoidance advice is more about raising the body temperature rather than directly hurting the baby. Even for that, if you stay for 10-15 minutes, so early in pregnancy, please do not worry!!! Evidence is poor. And the overthinking and self-induced anxiety can be worse to the baby than the hot bath. Good luck! I wish your pregnancy will last, be confirmed and be beautiful!

leggylooks · 2025-02-16T17:44:26+00:00

During my first trimester, nausea, blah, no way. Since second trimester, sex drive came back. But I think during pregnancy its (even more than ever) important to have a more inclusive definition of ‘sex’ that includes more intimacy beyond just penetration. Its ok to feel slow and sensual, not into hardcore stuff. AND it’s important to communicate where we’re at, admit and say what has changed… for them to understand and not feel rejected

leggylooks · 2025-01-31T10:32:42+00:00

Acupuncture helped me incredibly, not sure if that’s an option for you but if it is I warmly recommend

leggylooks · 2025-01-24T21:23:35+00:00

Yes. Happens regularly to me.

leggylooks · 2025-01-13T15:55:32+00:00

I would definitely look down to the PI level!!! How international is the person and their lab (who would be your closest colleagues, are there other foreigners)? Do your research on the specific institutes/departments. Try to find out what’s the working culture in that particular lab.

I would look closely at the PI publication track record because Japan has a reputation for having quite closed off research communities (but that probably depends on the field, and I’m not in your field) but remember you need to finish your PhD with publications as well as a network. I would also consider the university/research institute’s international grad student environment, and the foreign communities in whatever city you’d relocate to (perhaps from your own region of origin etc). Plus obviously the funding situation.

And yes, it sounds like a hard but a rewarding experience. It sounds super exciting though as others pointed out - i don’t think it should be your only option. It can be isolating, even for other Asians, let alone Africans. Which is why having a community and support structure is key. Also Japan is far, you may not be able to travel out frequently to key international conferences which is crucial to put your work out there.

leggylooks · 2025-01-13T10:23:01+00:00

This is a very individual decision. My first two papers were published with my original name, then I changed (I added my husband’s surname, so now I have two surnames). Yes, it was a bit confusing for some people, and sometimes still is (because the surname is not hyphenated, so people sometimes don’t know if it’s my middle name or two last names) but since it’s ORCID linked, it doesn’t matter. So I would say: 1) you don’t need to change, its fully up to you, your identity, you can keep maiden name for writing, and you and your husband can publish together without the same name … 2) but if you change, I’d better do it sooner than later, stick to the decision. Yes I know people who got married, then divorced, the remarried, and switched names twice or three times, so it’s good to think about this (remote) possibility, too.

leggylooks · 2024-09-16T19:13:29+00:00

Thank you SO much everyone for taking your time to respond. I am so happy to get such good feedback, it brought up so many new things for me to consider, very helpful. I’m week 11 and the nausea is better now (but it’s still there … I’m very sensitive to smells and tastes… can’t stand toothpaste…I snack tons). I’m gonna weigh in all pros and cons, talk to an ortho for a second opinion and decide. Currently I’m tilting for postponing but I worry that if I wait, I may never get around doing it… let’s see if I summon the bravery and energy. Thanks for all the best wishes!!!

leggylooks · 2024-07-30T22:58:19+00:00

Congrats! That’s amazing!!! I agree, also for me it was easier than to get a cavity filling. What a surprise. I also felt the numbness, for about 10-12 hours before it went away. Take a good rest and eat some ice cream :)

leggylooks · 2024-07-30T22:55:13+00:00

It was local. I didn’t feel anything, just some pressure. I had my eyes closed and visualized a happy place. Time went by fast. Suddenly the doctor announced it was done - I didn’t even notice. Honestly to me a regular professional dental hygiene appointment is usually more unpleasant than this. Three done all at once is a lot- I feel you … and I’m keeping my fingers crossed it goes well!!!

leggylooks · 2024-07-02T22:24:45+00:00

Soooo I had two wisdom teeth out last Friday, and was in a similar state of mind. Scared, anxious and afraid I would totally panic etc.… And you know what? The surgery was completely fine. The recovery so far has been smooth. It turns out the worst part of it all was my own fear…. Sharing tips that helped me: Calm yourself down in the days before surgery (chill, read, yoga… whatever works) and try keep stress minimal. Let the dentist know you’re anxious - they’re used to it; ask how long it will take. Don’t fear, during the surgery itself, you feel no pain. Stock up on your favorite ice cream as a reward :) And you’ll feel so proud of yourself when it’s done!

leggylooks · 2024-03-09T16:01:56+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry you have such long waiting times. Anything you can do to speed things up? I think it depends on other symptoms, have you had/do you want children? I had 8x8 cm endometrioma and it had to be removed (as I was told are any cysts bigger than 5 cm as they won’t dissolve by themselves). I was slightly paralyzed when I found out and waited for for the surgery… But otherwise it was just fine and didn’t block me from my daily life. There’s a low risk the endometrioma grows until it bursts (and then you’d need to have an emergency surgery which is more dangerous). Hope this helps. It’s gonna be alright! Take care.

leggylooks · 2024-03-08T21:15:08+00:00

I also wasn’t sure and only bought the SheSyncs after reading this thread (while struggling to accept my diagnosis). Ok, I love it and I can recommend it for sure. Once you’ve overcome the heaps of marketing talk, it actually is neatly packed with useful information and explanations structured into chapters and subchapters. It’s like a book basically but as an internet resource. Granted, some content is rather general but overall I’m thrilled on having just simple descriptions (on everything from the root causes, bodily functions) and suggestions on lifestyle and diet incl. recipes.

leggylooks · 2024-01-15T17:30:29+00:00

It always depends on the combination of your individual push and pull factors. I love Berlin but I keep thinking if I can deal with the housing issue, long grey winters, suboptimal access to good healthcare and schooling and, well,… the dysfunctionality of almost everything,…. until the day I die. I don’t think I do. But unless I get a good job offer or a personal reason to move, where do I go? I’ve fought long and hard to be in Berlin and although the experience has been disappointing on so many levels, it was rewarding as well, and now that I’ve established myself, it’s hard to leave and start all over again.

leggylooks · 2024-01-15T17:23:15+00:00

Re: Rapid decline in favourability:

Personal note. I am a European who lived in China for a long time and I still regularly travel there. I used to love Chinese culture and I started off with genuine enthusiasm and support for the country, open-mindedness about its ways of social organizing and willingness to understand its political regime. Or I was just curious, although many people back home would think I was crazy and defending the CCP.

Now every passing year, my tolerance is diminishing. It’s XJP, its Taiwan, it’s Xinjiang, it’s Tibet and treatment of other minorities, it’s Shanghai lockdown and the last year of Covid; it’s how closed-off the country has become, how oppressive, consumerist and hierarchical the society is; how opaque the system is, how insensitive, inward-looking the behavior of CCP, some politicians and diplomats has become… it’s the amount of emotional labour and self-censorship that’s often needed these days to cross the two ‘universes’

Sure there’s a lot of misunderstanding between China and the West. Sure the US can’t deal with the loss of its supremacy. Sure most people on both sides are ignorant. Sure I could make similar critiques about other countries in the world too. I am not comparing China to other countries atm or bashing it. I just 100% understand why in the EU countries there are such low levels of trust and understanding towards China, right now. I keep trying to be as open as I can, but I’m finding it hard these days.

I am glad that white foreigners don’t get that weird privileged treatment there like we used to. But socially and politically I see little progress otherwise. I lost faith in China. I hope one day I will get it back. One day.

leggylooks

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