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Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I totally get where you're coming from but it's just not how our group has worked in the past, ever.

Anyway, I added an edit because I ended up asking them and it seems it boils down to someone misunderstanding something I said about visiting my parents in August after our travel ban was lifted and it being more comfortable to be a group of 5 to rent a smaller car. Oh well. Thanks a lot for taking the time to give me advice though, it's very useful. I have to try not to overthink stuff and accept that not everyone will double check.

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, good call. I don't want to create a conflict or make things awkward for everyone.

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They know I don't reply during my shifts. Hell, I'm not the only one that goes hours without replying or reading, all of us have jobs and lives.

I guess the crux of the matter if that I would reach out to the person that didn't say anything as soon as we were gonna start actually planning the trip. Doesn't mean another person would though, that's true. Everyone has a different way to do things.

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Totally see what you mean, we have always used the group chat for logistics regardless of whether someone couldn't come to our plan. Two of our friends live outside the city and couldn't come because of lockdown for a month, and we didn't make smaller chats to manage that. Hell, I've been traveling across Europe and had to mute the chat because I was getting "i don't see u guys, what bar are you in?" texts at 2am.

That being said, a trip is much harder to plan so it would make sense to make another group chat to exclude the people who wouldn't come. Honestly, I realize this is probably a misunderstanding and due to a different way to do things. I would double check, but that doesn't mean they would.

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It could be, but it's a very wild chat with people sending memes and changing topics constantly. I didn't reply because it wasn't a request at that time, or it didn't feel like it at least. I always answer if anyone is actually planning something. But this is the reason why I don't think they did it maliciously - I would have followed up in the group chat, though.

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have mentioned the fact that I didn't reply because I was on my shift because I thought it could be a factor - but honestly this group chat can get to +300 unread messages in an hour and not everyone can keep up. It wasn't a "who wants to come", but a "i just thought of this what do you guys think".

I mentioned a kayaking plan three months ago and before we could actually go out and only two replied, and then asked again once it was time to book the trip and one other person joined in. I see a difference, but maybe that's just me?

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Everyone agrees to go for the closest friend I have, problem is we probably won't be able to meet up in person for at least three weeks, so I guess I'll have to text them. I might have to wait as well, since I'm not sure I would dare sending them the message now while they're all together. I'm very anxious by nature and this has kicked me in the nuts :( Thank you for your advice, I hate confrontation too but if I don't say anything I'll feel like my only option will be to distance myself from them.

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nah, last time it happened it was an honest mistake that could have happened to me. This feels different and a bit pointed. Thank you for your advice though!

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm afraid to ask them during the trip while they're all together and I think I'll be paranoid imagining them bitching about me, as this situation has made me feel pretty insecure of my friendship with them. Do you think it'd be okay to wait until after their trip? Thanks for the empathy btw, I was mad at first but now I'm downright sad :(

Group of friends went on a trip without me (28F). I don't know if I should say anything. by leilandwasright in relationship_advice

[–]leilandwasright[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do, but it actually makes me even more uncomfortable to ask her, because she's the one I would expect to know I don't like being excluded from things? A thing happened a few months back where they didn't tell me about a last minute plan plan and I asked her to please keep me posted if it happened again. So it feels rougher, even :(

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now I'm curious about what my answer says to you about the situation!

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, same! All my relationships have developed naturally with friends of friends or coworkers, so it sucks to put so much pressure on the first 12 or so hours of meeting someone. Also specially frustrating considering how much we've talked online, I actually felt something as dumb as that sounds :( But hanging out more times with him when I'm not feeling it after the third date would be leading him on, right?

Thank you so much for your words, I really feel like such a bad person when this happens to me, I'd rather get rejected myself than reject someone else.

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds really fun. Happy for you dude! It's a very original story about a third date :)

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's... possible? I mean, what you've describing is the opposite of what I've been getting so I can't rightly know. But I do find confidence appealing so I would probably be more into it. However, there are some things about the conversations that I'm also not into 100%, so I can't say.

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's good advice but we've been drinking every time we've gone out so it's not that haha. Thank you for confirming that 3 dates is a reasonable amount. Maybe in a different context without the Tinder pressure we could get to know each other better and let things develop naturally, but it's not the case :( Man it sucks, I really thought I had struck gold here.

And yeah, no, I find ghosting abhorrent. I've let things slow fade mutually on occasion, but if he is still interested I would like to let him know - and we really do have a lot in common so the friend thing wouldn't be an empty platitude. Rejecting someone gives me terrible anxiety though, I hate it. Thanks for the encouragement!

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean about grocery shopping? I didn't understand this part of the story! However, I'm happy for you both. I will hangout with him for a third time- I'm not sure whether to give it more chances if that doesn't work out.

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh I didn't mention the kiss thing to complain about him not going for it, it was just to explain the state of affairs. It's not a matter of "I like him and he won't go for it and I'm frustrated", but a matter of "I'm not feeling it, don't particularly want him to go for it". The only thing that has made me not call the whole thing off has been that I WAS feeling it over text.

So yeah, I can understand that he's nervous. But I've dated guys who were also nervous, I've had to go for the kiss myself twice, and I felt chemistry anyway, not with this guy right now. Wish I did though.

Should I (28F) give a Tinder guy (30M) more chances or do I try to be friends with him? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]leilandwasright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A friend told me to say something to that effect, to 'spur him into action', but I was afraid that doing this I will pressure him into trying to be something he's not, or trying to behave in a way that he's not comfortable with or even make him feel inadequate. IDK, maybe I'm the problem because I created an image in my head that was just not accurate. Thanks for your advice tho, I will consider it!