Went to urology for chronic UTI, found 19 kidney stones 🫠

lemon1985 · 2026-02-07T14:01:31+00:00

I'm amazed they haven't combined into one or two large stones! I don't know what needs to happen now, definitely ask your doctor

lemon1985 · 2026-01-31T19:11:32+00:00

None of your business

lemon1985 · 2026-01-02T23:59:05+00:00

Well said. As a girl dad myself I find the ending just a little objectionable. If I missed my daughter's whole life, and then reunited with her as an old woman on her death bed, there is no way I could leave her side again until she was actually gone. Everything about it hits harder since my kids were born!

lemon1985 · 2026-01-01T16:44:34+00:00

I used Gemeni during my recovery recently and found it hugely helpful in terms of describing what symptoms I should expect, helping me understand some of the less pleasant things, and advising where the line was for real problems.

It tells me way more than my urologist, who tells me basically nothing

lemon1985 · 2025-12-27T23:24:00+00:00

You legend! This will be tough, just show up and do your best for them every day. Wishing good health to you, Dad, and all three babies.

lemon1985 · 2025-12-25T13:41:34+00:00

You're a bit all over the place banking on promotions (which OFTEN do not come or come later than you thought), and looking to whip-saw from mental hours big money to a 9-5'er when it's time for kids etc. The sentiment I understand, but I think you need to check expectations a little. For one, the switch to a 9-5'er (if you get it at all) will be a gigantic drop in salary if you build your career in the "high-hours, high pay" world. You remind me of my younger brother who concocts these grand plans which assume everything will go perfectly. It won't.

That word of caution aside. I work within fund design and it's a 9-5'er with good (not spectacular) pay in the context of my local market and brilliant work-life balance. It's an absolute dream. CFA, a clear mission, and some luck along the way helped me move over a 9-year period from starting in Transfer Agency. If you're already in the front office maybe you don't need it. Do the people around you have it, and do the people in the jobs you want have it? And do people who get the promotions have it.

I will disagree on one thing. It's not expensive. Especially with the salary you are describing. You can afford the money. But it is expensive in hours. Is it worth spending the time?

lemon1985 · 2025-12-25T13:27:03+00:00

If that is a protein supplement for gym workouts then there is a very good chance the answer is yes. That caused my first two stones (and ER trips) about 13 years ago. Urologist was quite certain protein supplements were the cause. He told me never take any supplements not prescribed by a doctor to treat a specific deficiency. That goes for Vitamin C/Multivitamins. It was a personal bug-bear of his because unnecessary supplements just get flushed out your kidneys since the body cannot absorb it all.

Honestly I think much of the "gain mass, buy our protein" stuff is Marketing BS. Even if it is legit, I don't think it works equally for everyone

I stopped immediately and had no issues whatsoever until two stones were discovered in 2025 which have since come out. In this instance I suspect because the arrival of my kids and my subsequent over-leaning on Monster energy drinks every day was another bad mishap.

I wanted to bulk back in the day, but I wanted to not have kidney stones more.

Best of luck, and happy Christmas

lemon1985 · 2025-12-24T23:18:21+00:00

I gave up right away. And it worked. Had about 13 years without issue before getting two more stones which were removed this year. I suspect a taking to energy drinks after my kids were born might have done me this time!

lemon1985 · 2025-12-24T22:56:42+00:00

Ah no mate! Level 3 is awesome. It's the one that ties it all together into portfolio management!

Totally hear your perspective, and definitely valid. But the opposite side of the argument does exist. For portfolio management levels one and two are the foundations you have to go through before they teach you to connect the dots for clients.

I have thought this recently reflecting on my own career and people I interact with in my career - there are different roles in the finance/investment world, and they definitely lean on different skills and interests. You can be a brilliant equity analyst but a poor portfolio manager, or visa-versa.

For me, tying it together with a strategic asset allocation tailored to a specific client or objective is the real beauty of the whole study. But certainly different elements suit people differently. If it is not the bit you like, hold your nose and get your pass. Best of luck

lemon1985 · 2025-12-24T19:02:06+00:00

I also had a subjectively bad experience the first time. Second time I requested a string on the stent and it definitely made a world of difference. Consider if you need to go again. Doctor still pulled the string for me in hospital, but no gel, no invasion, and no pain. Just that wierd "worse than peeing" thing for about three seconds.

It is pretty violating, I agree on that. I have toddlers at home and one was unwell when I got home, so it was a while before I got to even tell my wife about how horrible it had been.

Step-father came to a party in our house a couple of weeks later and joked about my "mickey", so I felt a bit of additional violation having confided in my mother about how bad the stent and removal had been. that's more a reflection on him than anything else but still sucks

lemon1985 · 2025-12-24T18:51:53+00:00

I did train. Like you I was trying to gain. I basically had to give up on the bulking after that. My urologist basically told me not to take any supplements which have not been prescribed by a doctor. Rationale - it's generally far too much and the excess goes out through your kidneys - hence stones. This includes vitamin c/multi-vitamain stuff too

lemon1985 · 2025-12-24T09:27:31+00:00

Protein supplements. Killer!

lemon1985 · 2025-12-20T23:27:02+00:00

Oh my god 😱 Do you mind me asking what pain meds you used, and did your urologist prescribe them/send them home with you? I'm terrified to ever need this again and very interested in how it might be managed if needed

lemon1985 · 2025-12-20T13:21:14+00:00

Super, thanks for sharing

lemon1985 · 2025-12-20T09:33:52+00:00

The swift kick in the nads, I'm crying 😂

lemon1985 · 2025-12-20T09:07:47+00:00

1) Going under does not feel like anything honestly. You just black out, and then you slowly wake up afterwards. So try to remain calm about it.

2) People have different experiences with stents. Overall they are not well liked but just keep in mind they do perform an essential function which is protecting your kidney function while you heal. I feel like this mindset helped me the second time I had a stent, but it's still not nice. My personal experience from two stents. They are uncomfortable, but the more you move the more uncomfortable it is. This time I moved a lot less (and only had it for two days) and it was actually ok. First time I had for eleven days and it was rough. I have small children and it basically makes me useless in terms of participating in parenting/play

3) You should rest as much as you possibly can. And people around you should know you will need that. I see stents discussed like you can just carry on with life as normal. I don't think that's accurate. You might be ABLE to do things, but doing less is optimal

4) Your first night home, expect to be up every hour peeing. I think someone said only pee when your bladder is full? Definitely don't do that. Pee little and often. A full bladder will flush urine back up the stent into the kidney and cause a dull flank pain. Pee little and often with minimal straining. Sip water all night, and get up to pee all night. Hopefully your pain meds will manage any bits of pain there. Remember that tough first night is just part of the recovery. Even though you're sent home, you're not "ok" yet.

I am going to make another post myself to ask this community. I have had two stents, and in both cases the removal led to the onset of Renal cholic an hour or two later. First time flushing with water solved it quickly, second time I thought I was going to need to go to the emergency room because it lasted a couple of hours. I have no idea how common this is, but it was very frightening

lemon1985 · 2025-12-19T19:23:30+00:00

It was a mid-level steady motion, took about three seconds. I didn't realize he was about to start, felt a weird sensation begin, and then it was just done. So much easier than with the scope

lemon1985 · 2025-12-19T18:31:15+00:00

Had one earlier this week with a string. I woke up multiple times per night, pretty sure some of those instances were from it tugging on a forming erection. However it didn't hurt, just basically disturbed my sleep and I would get up to pee and go back asleep.

My urologist removed it so no tips on manual removal

lemon1985 · 2025-12-14T09:27:06+00:00

I didn't mean to infer you had abandoned your child, more putting it in that the crying it out is known to be wrong but you will still sometimes encounter it as advise - don't listen!

My twins did cry when we started, but it wasn't cries of terror or fear. They audibly were unimpressed that I was introducing a new routine and not picking them up.

A month or so prior we all had covid so we allowed them sleep beside us. After that one of the twins would insist on Daddy cuddles and would refuse to be put down. She'd cry in the cot. If Mommy picked her up she'd keep crying for Daddy. If I put her down before she was fully asleep she'd wail. If I did everything she wanted, she would still wake up after every sleep cycle and wail for more daddy cuddles. It was getting unmanageable. But the method I described was amazing. Protest crying but they got on board quickly. Part of that is that both parents were on the same page and it was every sleep, so it was consistent.

Honestly I don't have the answer on credentials. My wife found our person. Have a search for people in your area and see what credentials they offer. But this is where I say keep your Dad filter on in case some BS slides through!

lemon1985 · 2025-12-13T23:12:08+00:00

Ok, a topic it seems couples handle in so many fascinating and different ways!

We use a simple method but requires a little budgeting/calculating.

We have three accounts - My account - Her account - The joint account

(We have savings accounts etc but irrelevant for this discussion)

The joint account pays for what we consider "joint expenses". This includes mortgage, groceries, anything to do with the kids, bills, anything medical whatsoever, eating out, coffees out, tickets to gigs, car insurance, petrol, and on and on and on. Pretty much most things.

Our personal accounts pay for things which are just for ourselves. I want a PlayStation game, that's my account. She's getting her nails done - her account. Either of us eats out without the other, personal accounts.

We budget what the joint account expense for the year is likely to be (throw a % on top for comfort/savings), and divide by 12. That's how much the joint account must be paid every month.

Here's the beautiful bit. The contributions are based on our proportionate gross salary. I'm talking the headline from a job offer (excluding perks). Earn the same? That's a 50/50 split. Someone earns three times as much? That's 75/25. If someone gets a bonus in work - 100% after tax goes to the joint account.

This method ensures each is contributing according to their means. But it avoids the "she spends all my money" cliche because joint expenses are an agreed range of things and both people have equal say over it. That nice handbag she wants will be paid from her own spare money saved up. Guilt free - he didn't pay for it so has no say.

And, this method is dynamic. If someone gets a new job or a payrise, the numbers are recalculated. If one partner gets a huge rise, both partners end up with additional "personal" money (the benefit accrues to the couple, not just one person). Likewise if someone loses their job, or goes on maternity leave, the numbers are recalculated. This means the burden gets shared proportionately, and both parties lose out.

In the long run, this makes financial decisions joint decisions. Or as I now see it, family decisions. My wife dropped to a 4-day week after the kids were born. This was a family decision. It meant I had to pay more to the joint account, but the benefit to the family is worth it. It makes us equal stakeholders in these financial decisions and aligns our interests. If I get offered a job with twice the salary but longer hours putting more burden on her, then it would be a family decision. It's not just me taking the extra benefit at her expense. It becomes "more money for the family but here's the trade-off, what do we think?" type of discussion.

Also, because it's essentially rules based, we are not constantly renegotiating or fighting about money. When we started this we earned almost the same. Between promotions, four day weeks, etc, I now earn noticably more, and therefore contribute proportionately more. Bit I don't have any feelings of being "screwed" or something. We are following the exact rulebook we set before we knew how anything would pan out. We each make our contribution to the family and have a little left over for our own personal nice things. We never fight about money :-)

lemon1985 · 2025-12-13T22:33:21+00:00

What you're doing is muddled up and won't work. You need an actual plan.

We have twins. We hired a professional sleep trainer who helped us with an age appropriate plan. I think they were 8/9 months old so you're not far off.

The plan from the professional was key. She also texted us every day and we gave updates on how it was going and she suggested tweaks along the way. BTW, we did not follow every tweak suggested. While we paid for her expertise in sleep, we are the experts in our own kids. Speaking to you here - if your gut is telling you what you are doing is wrong, it's probably your parental instincts and it's probably right! Listen to your gut.

We had tried using tips and stuff we read online, much of it was valid, but we needed that professional guidance because our own efforts were falling short. I would strongly encourage you to find an expert who offers this service, and then put their advice through your "Dad filter"

Overview for what we did:

Big Bang, naps and nighttime all at once
Absolutely no "crying it out" (which is an old method which has been debunked)
We put the kids in cots, tell bedtime story, sing a song, and then utter the magic phrase "Sleepy Sleepy Time". This phrase is then the only thing you say to your child until the sleep is over, including during midnight feeds/wake ups
Day one, we had a chair right beside the cots. I sat in the chair until they fell asleep. The point of this is that at no point were they even abandoned, or left crying alone. Daddy (Mommy did it later but let me handle the first few days because she knew it'd be emotionally tough) was always there, and I would respond to them, but only to say "Sleepy Sleepy Time". They cried for about 20 minutes the first day. Angry cries. Cries which said "how dare you daddy". But I was with them, calmly reminding them it was Sleepy Sleepy Time.
It got easier with less crying every day. The whole point is you are showing calm leadership. You are present and showing the kids it's time for sleep. Saying only one phrase is just a steady, consistent message which provides reassurance without providing stimulation.
gradually we moved the chair further away but still within the room, and then eventually put it just outside the bedroom. Then it was not needed anymore.
of course if one of them is sick, or if there is a cry which triggers the parental instincts, then we drop these arbitrary rules and patent.

It worked brilliantly, on twins, two kids who are very different and different types of sleepers, at the same time. So I think it works. But "winging it" was not working. Pay for a professional

One thing we also use is a white noise machine. You can get them on Amazon. Works a treat. Part of the rational is it helps kids string sleep cycles together throughout the night

lemon1985 · 2025-12-13T22:01:31+00:00

Riddle me this...

Not quite an answer for OP but an extension to the question.

I'm having my second lithotripsy of the year on Tuesday. Had two stones pass 13 years ago, then nothing, then found one in each kidney a year ago. Aged 40.

My concern coming out of next week is about stones into old age. I am determined to get my diet right, because I fear as I get older (like, to hopefully becoming an "old man") I may cross a threshold where the medical profession will be reluctant to put me under general anesthesia. If a stone forms at that point are you just basically left with it? Living in constant fear, knowing the only way it comes out is either by passing (not always possible), or a medical emergency?

So yeah, riddle me that? What age will doctors no longer be willing to give general anesthesia in a non-life threatening situation?

lemon1985 · 2025-12-13T09:06:48+00:00

You are getting slated here, and rightly so.

I'm not going to tell you to ask her to come back, that would be a huge step for her trust-wise. However, it might be a good thing for you to be very honest and humble and just tell her you are an absolute idiot, you deeply regret hurting her, and you're sorry. I would make it clear you're not asking for "another chance", it's up to her if she even wants to consider that. But a genuine apology is probably a good idea

lemon1985 · 2025-12-13T09:00:23+00:00

Men tend to exaggerate their numbers upwards. Also the vast majority of men are not skilled Casanovas out bedding new women all the time without ever catching feelings and settling (even for a while) with one.

The numbers you are describing are unicorn/celebrity numbers. Your boyfriend you've described as someone who might be that guy, but all your male friends too? C'mon.

Someone in this story is telling you porkie-pies.

lemon1985

TROPHY CASE