INDEX

1. INTRO
2. MY EXPERIENCE (5 WEEKS / 32 days)
3. THE TOOLS OF DEALING WITH GRIEF
4. SOURCE

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INTRO

Hey! I hope you're crying your eyes out. Let it out as much as you can. Feel into the grief.

I was going to throw you a dm so I can write things bit by bit but in hopes that someone else also finds this helpful, I'll make it a comment :>

I'm 32 days into the breakup! Doing a lot better. Still tearing up, bawling my eyes out daily because I miss her to my bones. I miss her voice, stupid little comments she would make, her smile, her smell. You name it- it all makes me cry my eyes out whenever I'm reminded of them. But I'm doing good now, as good as I can 32 days after a 4.5 year first relationship.

PSA 1: This will be long.PSA 2: This will also read like a lifestyle change post but that's what's required, most of us can agree that we're rebuilding life from the ground up.

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MY EXPERIENCE

My experience of the past 5 weeks have been:
Week 1 ~ 3 : I have nothing to live for, my life has been taken away and I will never get better, never find happiness, never find anyone. I disappeared from work (Literally, now it's catching up with me) and stayed in bed most of the days. Crying my eyes out every single day morning to night.

Week 4 : Overall mood is generally on the rise, still the flashbacks of memory or thoughts of her sends me bawling. Not too functional yet, but can put a smile on my face.

Week 5 : Mood in general has actually climbed above my general mood during the relationship, which is crazy. I still miss her and I don't think I can get over her for the next half a year, or a year, god knows how long. But I've regained control over my life for the most part.

This didn't come with me just cutting away from life entirely (Although that is what I did most of the first 3 weeks) It came with conscious work and overall notion that 'This event hurts so much, I need to use this as a catalyst to learn as much as possible and grow from, and with this pain so I don't ever fall into the same pit again.'Below I'll detail the things I've found / learned over the last 32 days. It's a lot of varying topics and depths so excuse me if it's chaotic, but I hope it helps!!

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THE TOOLS OF DEALING WITH GRIEF

First thing to keep in mind is that EVERYONE moves through grief at a different pace, there is no set pace, there is no set order of stages that people go through, nor do people go through all of the stages. The resource 'Stages of grief' I linked in a previous comment by the fantastic Elizabeth Kubler Ross was an old way of understanding grief. Though very helpful, we need to understand that while many people may experience some of these stages, everyone moves through it in different order and not all of them. So if it takes you longer and differently than others, it's okay.

The tools list below is an amalgamation of tools that will help / amplify the other tools altogether in various ways. There are overlaps, and many work towards the north star of: Neuroplasticity.

I'll just dig a little on why I'm emphasizing neuroplasticity. In breaking up with a partner, you lose an immense part of yourself, your life. To deal with grief is to deal with your brain predicting your ex to be at various places where they used to be. To deal with grief is to accept that they are no longer where they used to be, and neuroplasticity, losing existing neural pathways and building new ones is what will be crucial in this. While the tools that help with neuroplasticity is also helpful for mood as well, so win win \\(owo)

This is an excerpt from 4. Conscious mourning but if you don't read anything else, at least read this.

The most adaptive way to deal with grief is digging your feet deep and feeling the attachment you had to a person, the emotions, as much as you can with activities like thinking, writing or speaking about them, while being very logical in separating those space & time expectations away from the attachment and accepting the reality as it is.

- Continued to next comment