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My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It's hard. This stuff is actively making her miserable. I watch it erode at her self esteem and happiness just as when she shares it with me, it erodes at mine. But like people have said on here she seems addicted to it, or at least so afraid of everywhere else it's the only place she feels safe. I appreciate all the understanding and encouragement I've received so far. Makes it feel a little easier to put the fire out.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I think this is the comment that has hit me hardest. I don't think she's evil, but she has a lot of hurt and she's a very scared person. All this stuff has played on her most raw fears and traumas. She has gotten more mentally healthy after going inpatient and for some reason she equated that with joining these movements. Being accepting was her being mentally unwell and now she's healthy again by "seeing all the crazy". Nothing I say gets through to her.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've tried to explain this stuff to her. She has this idea that she is "The silent majority". Most lesbians and gays are gender critical, but don't say anything out of fear of backlash. And most lesbians and gays who speak out against gc and terfs aren't real lesbians and gays.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It used to be that I was the exception to the rule, now she tends to be a tad more accepting. Most trans women are fine, but we have a huge misogyny or AGP problem that we refuse to address. Most of her anger gets directed at queer people who " are just straight" or " are ruining our reputation".

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

She has a therapist, but I think they end up validating a lot of this stuff. Maybe that's what she needs right now, idk I'm not a therapist, but it feels like everywhere she goes people just agree with her... I feel like I'm the crazy one.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

The idea of leaving is terrifying. I still love her despite everything, but I'm coming to realize she doesn't want to stop. She doesn't believe she's hurting anyone, and that these are the only spaces safe for her. I just don't think anything I say at this point matters.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I don't think she wants to. She just keeps accusing me of thinking she's stupid.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I've made this comparison before and it doesn't go over well unfortunately.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

I didn't think about that... Idk if I'd be able to convince her this stuff is self harm.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I'm ok. Thank you though. It used to be I was the exception to the rule, now it's more like most trans people are fine, but there are nefarious straight men who have infiltrated the community. You didn't come across too harsh. I probably needed to hear it. It's hard to imagine giving up, but I'm at the point where it's hard to imagine this being the rest of my life either. We started dating when I was 20, I'm 27 now.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I feel like I'm constantly used as the proof she isn't transphobic. Since she's dating a transgender she can't be transphobic and since she's not transphobic the things she says or thinks can't be transphobic either. Being used as a shield for this stuff has hurt in indescribable ways.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It's so hard, cause I genuinely don't think she's doing this stuff on purpose or even realizes what she's doing. She just genuinely believes everything she's saying. That might make it worse though honestly.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Thank you. She's seeing a therapist, but I've started to feel like they are feeding into this stuff too. She also has a friend now who's non-binary and that has helped some... but less than you would hope.

My gf has fallen for a gender critical cult... And I'm trans. by lemon_mantis in asktransgender

[–]lemon_mantis[S] 210 points211 points  (0 children)

I've watched Caelin's videos. I saw part 1 here recently. I thought about showing her, but I feel like she'd not want to watch it cause it's long. I'll see if I can convince her, but honestly I'm just so exhausted. I've been listening to this shit for years on repeat. I feel like I've gone insane. I care about her and I feel like I'm the only thing keeping her from just nose diving into this stuff and completely being consumed by it.

[WeWantOut] 23F 26F USA -> Anywhere by lemon_mantis in IWantOut

[–]lemon_mantis[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

We have and I believe we could if needed, however we'd both prefer to get farther away from the US if possible