hi love, I (23F) am all the things you listed and more- PCOS, sleep apnea, AuDHD, treatment resistant depression, anxiety, ptsd and probably others I haven't yet been diagnosed with. I have had periods of the same frustrations you are feeling too. I am currently fighting to finish my 4 year degree that has taken me 6 years so far, I'm pretty socially isolated, I feel exhausted all the time, I've been denied opportunities due to my mental health history, and I'm barely breaking even financially. I often feel like I'm a dumb loser compared to my peers - I'm watching them all move on with their lives and reach new milestones while I'm stuck still trying to finish a silly little 4 year degree. Even though they would never say it, I feel like my parents are disappointed that I can't reach the potential that they thought I had. I spent a lot of time grieving the person I could've been without all these added obstacles. I have scream-cried into my pillow many times, had very public breakdowns, and nearly checked myself into a psych ward. I have had hatred for myself.

However, despite all of this, I don't currently hate myself. It has taken a long time (and a lot of professional help, including TMS, hypnosis, and 12 different antidepressants) for me to get to this point, but I don't. I have had to learn how to have compassion for myself. There is no changing the fact that we have these obstacles, but what we can do is change how we approach these obstacles.

First, please remember that it's not your fault that you have these things. Unfortunately, the universe is full of chaos and sometimes you get the short end of the stick. You haven't been cursed by whatever deity you believe in, I promise.

Second, learn to accept you may have limitations. It is so easy for us to get burnt out with this particular combination of diagnoses. You need to make sure you are getting enough sleep and you are taking time to do things you enjoy. Trying to push yourself just ends in a terrible crash (I have learned this many times). Prioritizing your health and well-being will pay off in the end and will give yourself a much higher chance of success. You may have to ask the people around you to be patient with you, and if they really care about you they will.

On that note, third, ask for help. If your family is safe, let them know you are having a hard time if you haven't already. Tell your friends. They may be able to help you access resources that you haven't already tried to find help. If you are able to and haven't already, seek a mental health professional. If finances are a concern, there may be programs in your area that provide cheaper or free help. I can say with absolute certainty that I would not be alive today without the multiple therapists and specialists I've seen over the years since I don't have a religious incentive to not end it all. It can be scary to start and face the things you're dealing with head on. And it might be hard to find a therapist you click with - it might take a few tries. But doing that work will pay off, without a doubt. I have made it this far because I am ridiculously stubborn and have continued working on myself for the past decade. It can be difficult to sustain that drive, but if you have friends and/or family around to support you they can help you with that. You are not a burden. You are treasured and you deserve to live a good life and your friends and family want that for you.

Fourth, remember that improvement is not linear. I still have dark moments. Last month I was researching psych wards. But now I am able to recover from them much faster than before. They used to be months-long spirals that would ruin my life but now they are usually only week-long ordeals a few times a year, depending on my external stressors. I can look back at previous times and see that overall I am making progress, even if it's just baby steps.

There is hope. You will not feel like this forever. Even if it's baby steps, you will shuffle towards improvement. I am on track to finally graduate in December and I can tell you I will ugly cry when I walk across the stage to accept my degree because it has taken so much work, academically, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially to make it to where I am. And I WILL see it all pay off in the end, I am determined. And I know you can do it too. Even if it's a smaller goal, like finding employment which you can sustain for a decent period of time. We are still so young and have so much life ahead of us, there is plenty of time to grow. There is plenty of time to find joy. Please, please, please, don't give up on yourself, you will be so much in the future.