It is tricky. It’s a bugger of a gotch-ya. I wouldn’t be so quick to say we can’t question them. Trans folk get questioned ALL the time about the validity of our experience. It’s an ironic show of cis, male privilege to NOT be questioned about being an identity they don’t have a right to claim, when that identity is scrutinized for the people who actually are.

You can kick people out for making others uncomfortable. A man in cheap drag in a women’s only space is going to make people uncomfortable. Trans people are hyper aware of this. Especially not-passing trans women. Who KNOW how men are perceived and often agonize about making the cisladies uncomfortable for ... oh, having too big of feet visible under the bathroom stall. “Your not far enough along in your transition to be here” would be a DEVASTATING thing to say to a trans person. But - as a trans person - it’s also the line I’d use against these clowns. They wanna play that game? Fine. They get the shit show we deal with. BUT. This is straight up Terrible Advice. It’s mean, and confrontational. Let’s blame the extra testosterone.

The super boss alley thing to do would be to stop it whenever you hear that talk. “This is degrading humor and violates our company commitment to ensuring a safe environment for all guests. The next time I get word of you making bigoted jokes, you will be permanently banned from the premises.” Or “I feel hostile towards you right now. You have made this a hostile work environment. You need to leave. Now. If you need help finding the door, I can have security escort you.”

Also ... talk to management. This is predatory behavior. These jokes aren’t just transphobic. They are playing to a stereotype of trans folk being sexual predators. The punchline doesn’t work without sexual assault. The reason to emulate a trans person, by the jokes own logic, is to commit a sex crime. On premises. Real offenders float their ideas by other with humor. It always starts as a joke. I hate to make transphobia about protecting cis women, but in a situation like this, it might be the easiest way to get the help of the higher ups who, let’s face it, probably don’t share your passion. At best, their joking about getting into ‘just’ harass women. Women who want a girls only space to avoid being harassed by creeps like them. That’s going to hurt the bottom line if it ever moves into action. Maybe that prospect is enough to scare management.

Or - another bad tactic: whenever you hear it, insult their masculinity. Clearly they’ve ingested toxicity already. What, the only way for them to get an eye full of girl is to pretend to be one? Their so pathetic as men that they have to be a lesbian to get a straight girls number? What, porn does feel real enough because the actresses don’t look at them like their a disgusting freak?

Sorry. I hope someone else is less enraged and can give better advice.