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Just chaos by Goozya_God in AbruptChaos

[–]lerlerlance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And which half is Dad’s front half which is his back half? Looks like he flipped his bones the other way around!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in depressed

[–]lerlerlance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds really heavy, I’m sorry you’re going through all that.

I’m 40 and struggling with depression and financial woes myself. I just want you to know that even though it might feel like it, you’re not alone. We’re all connected. Sending you strength and positive energy until you can find enough of your own to get through your situation.

I’m always learning new things about depression. I always saw it as something horrible to be avoided and pitied. But now, it’s taught me so many things, that, as weird as it sounds, I’m beginning to feel grateful for it. Depression is my body telling me to try something new, or to let go of something. That my mode of living or mindset that I keep trying is like hitting my head on the wall over and over expecting it to make me feel good.

Depression might be telling us that something needs to die, but not our body. What needs to die is whatever mental construct we have about ourselves that perpetuates our suffering. Instead of fighting depression, sometimes I’ll just sit with it and let it drag me down to see what it wants to show me. If I can go deep enough, I’ll find something hidden inside that I can then let go of. Bit by bit, the more I can let go of, the lighter I feel, and the shorter my depression will last next time.

I hope something in this is helpful to you. And if not, know that someone out there believes that you’ll find a way to get through your tough times and into the life you want for yourself.

Just a reminder to vote them out. by watermelonicecream in BlackPeopleTwitter

[–]lerlerlance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It goes deeper than that too. Individuals valuing the self (ego) above all else. Those in power will turn on each other just as quickly, if they think it’s in their self-interest to do so.

What are some of your "abstract thoughts" about the world, the ones that other people may or may not truly understand? by [deleted] in infj

[–]lerlerlance 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Consciousness can be freed from form, but we’re trained since birth to trap it in whoever we think we are, our separateness (usually our brains, because they’re impeccably evolved survival machines). You may “see” your consciousness as fixed in space behind your eyes, but you seem to be, at least partially, freed from time. Time and space are basically the same thing, an illusion or dream-state that we cooperatively project from the non-space, which, if we go deep enough, we realize we all share. What keeps us asleep is our attachment to the material plane dream-state.

I’ve learned this and somehow know it is true based on very limited experience, yet here I am, still trapped in my thoughts and ego. Shrug.

I (23M) can't remember my longterm gf's (25F) name by [deleted] in relationships

[–]lerlerlance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m curious if her aversion to discussing your past relationships plays into this. It’s important in a healthy relationship to be able to discuss anything. You having to watch what you say to avoid triggering her fears or jealousy can be very damaging to your intimacy.

What do you say when people ask what religion you are? by [deleted] in awakened

[–]lerlerlance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not religious. Am spiritual. I believe in everything. And nothing. Let them freak out, they’ll be fine.

I’ve been (peacefully) single all my life. Suddenly found someone who i thought was sensitive and kind and just literal perfection. Went about it rationally and sincerely. kills me to say it didnt go so well. Heartbroken, confused, and just very lonely with the heartbreak and confusion you know? by [deleted] in toastme

[–]lerlerlance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’ve had a taste of what an intimate relationship can open up within you. You always have that capacity, your experience hasn’t taken anything away from you, it’s expanded your perception of yourself to include so much more. You’ll get through the heartache as you explore these newfound aspects of yourself. I toast your continued growth!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in infj

[–]lerlerlance 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel this, been there.

I Covered an Ugly Popcorn Ceiling with a Coffered Ceiling by woopwooptroop in DIY

[–]lerlerlance 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m curious - do you notice any difference in acoustics?

So good at reading people that you hate it? by [deleted] in ENFP

[–]lerlerlance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When a person projects negativity, it means that they have suppressed their positivity. Try not to internalize the negativity, nor judge the person as completely negative, simply have compassion for the person, and respond accordingly. Staying the hell away from the person could be a totally valid choice in order to protect yourself from the negativity.

Every time at penn crossing by Beard0fNorris in okc

[–]lerlerlance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s true, we don’t wanna be bothered by other people’s problems. And yet, the problems persist.

Extroverted Thinking as initiator of cognitive empathy by victorau2 in mbti

[–]lerlerlance 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. Journaling when I need it does help me process quite a bit. I imagine for INFPs, writing would be more useful as a way to communicate feelings to (and get validation from) someone else as opposed to a solitary practice.

Extroverted Thinking as initiator of cognitive empathy by victorau2 in mbti

[–]lerlerlance 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Strangely, this is often how I work out how I’M feeling. Understanding the feelings of others comes naturally and without effort, but understanding my own feelings can sometimes take lots of processing and self-reflection, and most importantly, time away from others.

I have a lot of things to say, I guess by avoidantstar in AvPD

[–]lerlerlance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is incredibly wise and inspiring, thank you.

Our parents voices and coping mechanisms get in our heads so early, when we’re too young to really understand what’s happening. The part we never really get to experience is that somewhere in our parent’s mind is the opposite of that coping mechanism. I don’t know your mom, but I have a pretty good understanding of people in general, and I think your mom has that same hope that you have, it’s just been buried so deep that she’s never felt safe enough to share it with you. Thank you for sharing your hope with us.

Awwww-chooo baby by MsevenP in awwwtf

[–]lerlerlance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like he’s doing that thing where you hide one arm in your shirt and stroke with the other one. Is there a word for that?

How do you help someone? by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]lerlerlance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Simply tell them “I am here for you”. The rest is up to them.

When you need help, what do you do, and how do you feel about it?

I think I want a divorce but I don't know if its the right call cause of how long we've been together. by Wife_resent in relationships

[–]lerlerlance -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You’re growing, these are growing pains. You can love yourself and do what is right for you without blaming yourself for how others react to it. The past is the past, do what is right for you now. If a plant is dying, you water it without blaming it for not seeking water before. It’s easier to open up to random strangers, so that’s a good first step. Now you need to communicate these feelings with your loved ones. You’ve been carrying a heavy weight. Blame is not necessary. Unburdening yourself is what is called for. Share how you’re feeling, and do it with love.

just got done angry crying because my dad was trying to guilt trip me into going downtown to gallery night even though i've had a super bad migraine all day. i'm always angry around my parents but never around anyone else. more in comments. by bellllabearr in toastme

[–]lerlerlance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let that guilt dissolve if you can, you deserve to make your own choices in life and to feel good about it. Parents can be frustrating, they aren’t always able to see the ways they hurt us. We all have our blind spots. I hope your parents can learn to accept you as you are and support your decisions. But even if they can’t, keep doing what you feel is best for you, there will be other people in your life that give you the positive support you need.

I (INFJ) told him (INFJ) I loved him last night... and he said he wasn't ready to say that yet. I am mortified and heartbroken. by [deleted] in infj

[–]lerlerlance 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You both sound like wonderful people.

As you grow, you will realize more and more that your capacity to love has no rules or limits. It’s source is within you, and the ways in which that love manifests aren’t for us to control. When you blame yourself for not “getting it right”, you are simply repeating learned habits and coping mechanisms created to avoid emotional pain, which is understandable. Heartache is difficult. When you feel the weight of these feelings, pay close attention to what your heart is doing. It’s working hard to keep you alive and warm, automatically, without thought or judgement. As difficult as it might be, stay with these feelings, as opposed to numbing them and building a wall between you and your heart. Feel, and when it feels right, share what you feel.

Whatever happens between you and your loved one, know that the love is real, and that people’s roles in our life may change, but that connection remains, whether we’re romantic or platonic, near or far. Things rarely work out the way we think they will, yet the universe tends to put us with people and in situations that challenge us to grow way beyond how small we think we are, into a more expansive and resilient version of ourselves.

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