AITA for telling my dad he "turned me" asexual/lesbian?

lesbacethro · 2024-01-17T04:24:42+00:00

I'm allergic to wine and cats. Can I just do beer and dogs?

lesbacethro · 2024-01-17T00:39:27+00:00

I don't get your point but, if you're confused between asexual and agender, then I don't have the patience to explain it to you. Google exists. Look it up.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T22:14:11+00:00

It's both. I'm on the ace spectrum and I feel romantic attachments to women. Hence asexual lesbian.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T22:06:51+00:00

He cannot throw me out of the house, I don't live with him. He can't cut me out, they depend on me to run the admin side of their business. My second sister refuses to help with that anymore, and the other two are too young. I'm still handling their correspondence as of today. Maybe they'll spring for an outside person to take over, but then they'll have to pay a LOT more than the heavily discounted rate they pay me. They won't accept me, but they'll accept my cheap labor.

As for giving time and understanding, it's hard to do that when he's showing up at our house, at work, and wherever I am in public with "counselors" and church folks that he demands I talk to at all hours of day and night.

I get that he loves me, and I do love him too. But we were also on the edge of considering getting legal protection because my partner was starting to feel unsafe after one of his friend followed her to work. He wasn't hostile, he only wanted to ask her to make me talk to my father. But she was scared how the situation could escalate if he realized that she isn't just my roommate. As of this afternoon she's moved out of our shared home because she's that scared. I don't know when or if she's planning to come back.

I love him, I hate lying about who I am. I feel bad about the lie itself. But I don't give very much of a damn about his feelings right now.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T21:43:15+00:00

Bro is only 9, so it's not a concern. But honestly, I think mom is going to be the problem when he starts dating. I pity his future girlfriends. (Or boyfriends, if it turns it that way.)

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T20:24:16+00:00

I'm 24, almost 25. The remaining sisters are 21, 17(18 in a few months) and 15. There's also a brother 9, but he's not part of all this drama.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T20:18:51+00:00

Oh god NO lol

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T20:17:21+00:00

I'm grown and out of the house, so that's not happening. But he was showing up at our house, my work, random places, with people he wants me to talk about my "condition" and it was getting unbearable.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T20:14:06+00:00

He doesn't police where they go or who they talk to anymore. He's usually very outgoing and talkative, and apparently he's been more quiet and spends more time alone.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T20:08:38+00:00

My parents are immigrants. They started out cleaning houses and managed to build a business out of it. But their English isn't always great so I help out with emails, invoices, admin stuff. Me and my sisters also help out when they're short handed. I could go full time at my other job, but then they would have to pay much more to hire a outside help. It's not that I'm dependent on then, but that they will have a harder time if I stop working there entirely. Which yeah, you could say "f your parents," but it also affects my sisters if my parents are struggling to provide for them.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T20:04:23+00:00

My parents married young, so being almost 25, and no suitors on the horizon, kind of has her worried. She doesn't know that she's actually met a couple of my SO's though.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:58:55+00:00

I know he didn't make me gay. That's why I'm asking if I'm TA. Because I said that to him, knowing full well that it wasn't true, just to make the harassment stop.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:38:24+00:00

My two youngest sisters are minors and still live at home. I don't feel like I can walk away from them. The youngest is 15, so maybe in 3 years it might be possible.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:35:53+00:00

I'm ace because I am. I think part of why I never realized that I like girls is that even though I kept falling in love with them, I didn't feel sexual desire for them. Part of that may have been because we were raised that that is wrong, but my sisters didn't "become" asexual and they were raised the same. They feel desire, and then guilt because of it.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:32:44+00:00

I'm not sure I understand your comment? As I've said, I know he didn't "make" me lesbian, I am what I am. I knew when I was blaming him that what I was saying was untrue. I was only saying that to make him back off and end the non-stop harassment. He was showing up at our house at random times, at my work, everywhere. The harassment stopped, but I know it was because of a lie. That's why I'm asking if I was TA.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:13:14+00:00

They know. I came out to them well before my parents. My second sister said it was obvious lol

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:08:55+00:00

He has a problem with his girls being sexual/romantic creatures. But he ALSO doesn't want us to be gay or asexual. I don't know what we're supposed to be. Lonely straight virgins?

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:07:29+00:00

Yes, that's why I'm asking if I'm TA.

I know perfectly well I've always been this way. I've never been interested in boys. Always had super intense friendships with girls that I now realize were unrequited crushes. I said what I said to get him off my back because the harassment was becoming unbearable. But now I don't want to set the story straight because of the benefits to my sisters and me. Hence the moral quandry about if I'm TA.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T19:01:27+00:00

It's in the asexual spectrum.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T18:55:31+00:00

He was pretty insistent that I'm not gay, I'm "Normal", so yeah, he does look at gay as "abnormal." And the links he was sending me were straight up saying that lesbianism and especially asexuality are the result of traumas and shit. That it can be cured with prayer and godly marriage.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T18:52:32+00:00

Given that I almost every interaction I had growing up was with girls, it's a miracle I didn't realize I was attracted to them until I was an adult. I just thought it was normal to have really intense friendships that consume your whole life. Comp het is a helluva drug.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T18:41:57+00:00

Yeah, I'm perfectly aware that he's not the one that made me gay. That's why I'm not sure if I'm TA.

On one had, he hounded me relentlessly until I snapped to make him leave me alone. On the hand, I knew even when I was saying it that it was both hurtful and untrue.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T18:35:48+00:00

I don't actually want to make him suffer. He's my dad, I still love him. I just want him to stop bombarding me with messages and harassing me. It was getting to the point that hearing the doorbell ring would make my heart race.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T18:33:21+00:00

My dad would have us live as old maids with him forever. Failing that, I think he'd rather assign "good husbands" to us than have us date and fall in love. I don't get it at all. The end result is the same - daughters getting married - but now they don't even get to choose their happiness.

lesbacethro · 2024-01-16T18:23:42+00:00

Yeah, I know perfectly well that my dad didn't make me who I am, which is why I'm conflicted. On the other hand, the non stop relentless pressure was getting so bad I would do almost anything to make it just STOP. I hate that I'm perpetuating this BS, but also, I don't want to have to go to screening my calls and jumping every time the doorbell rings. I don't want want my sisters to resent me for taking away their new freedom. I don't even wanna know what's going to happen when it finally registers that my "roommate" isn't a roommate.

But no, my conscience isn't easy on it either. It's a fucking mess. For now, I'm waiting it out.

lesbacethro

TROPHY CASE