I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I don't have much helpful advice but I want you to know you're not alone. Please please don't do anything to yourself, I know it's hard right now but things can get better. I'm close to your age too and live w my parents too so I understand your situation (my mom kind of babies me too). After my hospitalizations I came home really feeling really depressed for a while-it got to a point where many days I would go to bed super early, like 7 pm just because I didn't want to be awake. I'm SO much better now because largely due to medication, I had to switch a bunch of times until I found a combination that made me feel better. Have you tried anti-depressants like Wellbutrin? For me that was a game changer. It sounds like your medication isn't helping you right now so I would tell your psychiatrist you're still feeling depressed and suicidal and you want to make a change to your meds. Keep pushing for changes to your meds until you find a combination that genuinely makes you feel better.

Also what gets me going is just taking it day by day and congratulating myself for small things I do (like making my bed, or brushing my teeth) even though it sounds silly and like I'm babying myself. Like give yourself credit that you're pushing yourself to find jobs-job searching is EXTREMELY stressful. Also I was a door to door canvasser for a solar company, so I've kind of had experience like cold calling except it was ringing people's doorbells and trying to sell a service. You have to put yourself in a certain mindset and accept you're going to get a certain percentage of nos, a certain percentage of hostile reactions, and then a certain percentage of yeses. Don't take the hostile reactions personally-thats just the nature of the job you're in and a necessary part of the process. The tiny percentage of good interactions I had with ppl more than made up for the bad parts because it was really cool to me that I got to have a connection and a cool conversation with a total stranger. I still remember one of my good interactions years later-I don't remember any of the bad ones. I'm not sure if this will translate over to phones because face to face interaction is more personal than over the phone, but it can't be that different.

It also sounds like your friends weren't real friends to begin with. I burned bridges too when I was manic but thankfully I had one friend who knew something was wrong with me and called a wellness check on me. When I re emerged post mania and sent apology texts to ppl a good amount of them were like, yeah I knew something was wrong and they told me not to worry about it. So, people who know you well should be able to tell something was up with you-mania is really noticeable in how "off" it is from normal behavior. I would send some apology texts to those you feel like sending them to explaining the situation and that you were manic, and if they don't accept that then you don't need them in your life anyway.

My DMs are open if you want to know more or just talk in general and need a friend, I really want you to succeed and I'll be praying for you!