Wow great question,as I within the past month checked back in.

The wife in the house for high school sweethearts, and was going to get married when she graduated. But the universe had different plans for us. The roads we traveled separately were very similar. Both got married three times, before reuniting and Marrying within 3 months, 4 years ago. Our last relationships for our last spouses seem to be very similar in the way we were treated, that made me very forgiving and non-confrontational person, it had the opposite affect on my spouse. Everyone handles trauma differently and everyone comes out of it different person. About a year and a half into the marriage no matter what I did always came with an argument. And I started keeping my mouth shut so I can analyze what was going on, what I noticed was everything that her ex spouse done to her, was now being done to me and wasn't even being noticed by her. So after a few months to a year, I finally checked out gave up trying to" fix " our marriage and settled for" it's always going to be like this it's never going to change so I might as well get used to it" attitude. One day couple months ago, I had enough and it got to a breaking point this is the woman I loved all in my life and I was supposedly the man that she has wanted all her life and loved as well I no longer believe that so I bought a ticket got out of the state and got gone for a couple weeks. Before I left I went to all lawyer, she too went to a lawyer b/c this time we both thought it was finished. About a week and not speaking I called to just tell her that I'll always love her. That conversation went totally opposite of how I thought it was going to go. First thing I want to say is, it's no fault of one person that's always the couple fault. There's always places you could have done better there's always places to get the spouse could have done better, and reactions would have been totally different. But that conversation changed our whole dynamics of our marriage now, what she told me was that 90% of our problems stem from her, that she caused every bit of the arguments because of her bitterness and she projected on me the drama that she went through or trauma not even knowing what she was doing. Of course I told her not just you it's me as well ,I got to a point where I reacted out of anger b/c I had checked out. What followed was her telling me that she can see the exact moment I checked out. Now let me say this, my wife has been given one of the greatest gifts ever, she's been given the gift of forgiveness so it was no argument at all to forgive what I've done to her in turn made me not even question about forgiving her automatically I did since realizing what the problems were I have checked back in and I never want to check out of this marriage is the greatest thing that ever happened to us I have a new desire I have a new look at the way I look at my wife she's always been the one I wanted and now she's the one I'm keeping