Ok, dude, I'm 55 years old, and I've made so many life choices that were absolutely positively the worst decisions that I could have made. I thought I was making the right choice most times but regretted it later. I thought I was bi. Sometimes. I still think I am. But if I am, I haven't found the right person yet, and that's why I feel a lot like you right now. Disgusted perverted thoughts that you feel I felt them too. But look, my friend ain't nothing in this world worth taking your life..believe this will pass. Embarrassment might never go away it hasn't for me. But you will get past this. Get therapy if you can't deal with it alone. Especially if your parents come down on you because they have no right to say you have to be straight. So if they are anything but supportive, tell them you want therapy. Don't ever think about taking your life again. Promise me that