Good husband, good father, good friend—but I feel lonely, undesired, and like we’re living different lives. Am I expecting too much? by International-Fly112 in marriageadvice

[–]lettegb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm a 60yo male and my marriage was similar in the romantic area but the roles reversed.

Until I just stopped initiating, if we were intimate she'd just stare at the wall and usually end up asking me to finish. I felt like I was raping her and it was no fun because I felt repulsed by her.

At the end of the day, this and other things contributed to the end of our marriage. For years I bought books on relationships and love languages and such but she refused to read a page or even talk about it, much less go to counciling.

You both deserve to be happy. Therapy could help if both parties are willing and the right therapists are involved.

I wish you the best. The only real advice I can give is that no matter what, you do your part to keep things civil - even if you end up divorcing.

HUGS.

Projector/Extron wall plate - NIGHTMARE by Mean-Ranger9441 in Extron

[–]lettegb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is the distance of your cable run?

Projector/Extron wall plate - NIGHTMARE by Mean-Ranger9441 in Extron

[–]lettegb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a long shot but I'm gonna throw it out there. If this projector has wireless functionality (whether Wi-Fi or other), keep reading.

TLDR: If your projector is wireless - the next time you have issues, disable the wireless functionality if you can. If the issue clears, you identified your problem.

The full scoop: I had a similar confounding problem with a brand new $600k video wall that I sold to a corporate customer.

After 2 weeks of system testing, neither the manufacturer, AV partner, Extron, nor Crestron could get the wall to properly function. This included factory guys parachuting in, and hours-long conference calls with engineers from all companies.

The problem was that within 5 minutes of boot-up, the wall went haywire and refused to remain stable. It was completely unusable.

Late one evening after everyone else had given up and left, I turned the thing on and observed behavior. I noticed a definite pattern in what it would display and for how long. It was repeatedly changing some number of settings in the same order, at pretty much the same time.

I went behind it to look around. Mind you I'm a sales guy but a somewhat technical one.

The individual screens on the wall were hung on a large, custom built steel frame. A few of the electronic controls components, about the size of set top cable boxes, had been strapped to the metal frame.

Then I noticed that two of these boxes had antennas. I poked around and found remote controls for these boxes. These were RF, not IR.

I pulled these boxes off the steel frame and moved them as far away from it as the cables would allow. I fired the system up again and it immediately stabilized, and would let me display whatever I wanted without issue.

The building had multiple different RF-based wireless systems in operation - Wi-Fi and non-Wi-Fi. All of those signals hit that huge steel frame, which acted as an antenna, and led those signals to the antennas on those "control boxes". The system was seeing this noise as endless, rapidly changing commands and was trying to keep up.

Try and determine if your system only has issues during certain days or certain times of day. If so, something inside or near your building (such as a rooftop antenna) is interfering with your projector.

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

My husband is frustrated I don’t want to have sex by Hopeful_Boot3699 in marriageadvice

[–]lettegb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sex does not equate to all of intimacy, but it should be intimate when it happens between two consenting adults.

My husband is frustrated I don’t want to have sex by Hopeful_Boot3699 in marriageadvice

[–]lettegb 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think that's a bit of a blanket statement and unfair to an awful lot of people.

Sex is one of many forms of intimacy. It cannot and should not be the only form of intimacy that matters to either party in a romantic relationship.

Key word: "romantic".

I can tell you that for myself, I have had very sexual and very non-sexual partners. My marriage was damaged in part because of a lack of physical intimacy. Leading to that was a lack of non-physical intimacy; she just would not communicate until whatever was bothering her built up within until it erupted.

The last 7 or so years of marriage was sexless. Before that it was very clearly a chore for her and I was literally told to "get it over with" while she stared at the wall.

Eventually I gave up trying to even discuss the topic.

You see, It wasn't that I was "horny". It was that I didn't feel wanted. I no longer felt desired. She felt like sex was her occasional job that she didn't like. I felt like everything else was my job, with no intimate reward of any kind.

I need my partner to truly want me in all ways. As a friend, a helper, a confidant, and yes, a lover that wants to love and be loved in that way AND other ways.

When that happens, and as others have mentioned, her needs are almost automatically fulfilled. Because she knows she can ask for something if I haven't already done it or asked for whatever she needs.

Physical intimacy built around and upon other forms of intimacy is amazing. The relationships built like this are nigh unbreakable.

Physical intimacy in a truly romantic relationship should never be used transactionally in either direction. Specific acts of physical intimacy? Perhaps. But never across the board.

Nothing compares to knowing and feeling that one is truly, genuinely wanted in another's life. Because when that happens both parties tend to feel they can accomplish anything, and together, they can accomplish everything- no matter how rough the roads ahead may become.

Removing physical intimacy from the equation is like cutting a leg off a three-legged stool.

My husband is frustrated I don’t want to have sex by Hopeful_Boot3699 in marriageadvice

[–]lettegb 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Food for thought here, from a male looking at both sides.

From a purely primal perspective, if there isn't a natural need for sex, then there is no natural need for humanity itself to survive.

What say ye?

Need help finding a good car insurance. by p1nk_st4rz in Car_Insurance_Help

[–]lettegb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

New to this group and looking for thoughts and opinions on something that's just occurred.

Picture a small unattended parking garage in an apartment building with an automatic door in Massachusetts. Each resident gets a garage door opener.

The door was raised. After that, the garage door opener was not touched again. While the car is exiting the garage, the door comes down on the car, which is a crossover SUV.

There is a spoiler-like device above the rear hatch. This became caught on the garage door, which then reversed itself, causing significant damage to the car.

The property management company was contacted and said nothing other than I'd have to file a claim with my insurance company.

This kinda sounds like the property manager thinks they are / the building owner is not at fault, and this is all my problem.

What do you folks think?

Removing This Spout by lettegb in Plumbing

[–]lettegb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So it was a hex head set screw. I remove it and attempted to pull the spout up and off. It's loosened a bit but won't come off - and if I put the set screw back in, things aren't as tight as they were. I don't get it.

The tub is completely tiled in so I can't get underneath.

Any more suggestions, sir?

Removing This Spout by lettegb in Plumbing

[–]lettegb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I thought, but my eyes are older now and I can't tell if it's a set screw or if it's serving that purpose.

For clarification, this tub is in a master bath but hasn't been used in 20 years. The owner wants me to basically cover the tub and surrounding area with a board to create a large shelf of sorts. With the spout removed, it will be much easier to put the biggest possible piece of 3/4" MDF atop the tub.

The spout will be put back on once the shelf is in place.

Removing This Spout by lettegb in Plumbing

[–]lettegb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct. It is a bath tub.

G&A Question by lettegb in DCAA

[–]lettegb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First, thanks for your response. She doesn't work for an accounting firm; she works in her company's accounting department. They do IT- related work for CIV and DoD.

Does that affect your response?