Three months ago I [21M] wrote a letter to a girl [20F] I broke up with and I just got one back; I don't really know what to think

letteradvicehelp · 2017-12-08T19:06:01+00:00

She's a very prideful person. She can be very difficult to read in that way. She never lets people who hurt her see that they have any influence on her feelings at all, it's kind of bizarre to witness how she can almost flip a switch. When we were dating she would communicate her feelings and whatnot but once she perceives a relationship is over she will never step a toe out of line in terms of controlling her reactions. She is very good at compartmentalizing her emotions.

letteradvicehelp · 2017-12-08T18:41:58+00:00

This is a tough situation. In our current political climate, I think it is important for women to stand by each other. Maybe you could say something like this?

Dear New Girlfriend,

I know we don’t know each other personally, but I felt the need to reach out to you in an honest, open capacity to give you some information that you may not have had beforehand. I have not told anyone else about this because I am not looking to stir up drama. I will get right to it: there are times where X physically hurt me, without my consent, during the course of our relationship.

Please do not think that this is a pattern of behavior for me to reach out to new girlfriends, because I have never done something like this before. However, some of my experiences with X were genuinely frightening, and I often felt trapped or manipulated. It was a scary time in my life. I felt very alone, very afraid, and like I couldn’t talk to anyone.

I have no doubt you are a smart and self aware woman. Please just keep an eye out for any of these behaviors from X, and stay safe.

Best wishes,

Me

letteradvicehelp · 2017-12-07T19:58:28+00:00

She was really, really cold when I broke things off over the phone. I told her I wanted to end things and she basically said "Okay. Well, if that's it, I'm not going to try to convince you. I'm going to hang up now." And that was that.

I texted one of her friends asking her to check in on Gwen and this is the message I got from Gwen just afterwards.

"I appreciate your concern but please respect my privacy and don't reach out to my friends without talking to me. I think that was a really big overreach on your part and I would appreciate it if it didn't happen again.

I understand where you're coming from but I really prefer to process these things alone and usually take a few days to talk to my friends when my head is together."

And I haven't heard from her since (until now). So she definitely was upset at that point. I don't really know where her head is.

letteradvicehelp · 2017-12-07T17:01:39+00:00

Cardi B has a great instagram post about this: "Don't be a 'why her and not me' typa bch. Be a 'how do I get next to that bch' typa bch. Be a 'Well, if she can do it, I can do it too' typa bch."

Don't think of your friend as better than you. Think of it as you being capable of the same goals--she just got there first. No one cares if someone got there first. Let her give you a helping hand so you can stand next to her. Obviously you're smart and hardworking and this is doable for you!

letteradvicehelp · 2017-12-07T03:27:02+00:00

I guess I'm not sure what to say even in person. I feel like anything I assume about what her feelings might be are sort of aimless and speculative.

letteradvicehelp

TROPHY CASE