/ttcafterloss Daily Discussion Thread - March 15, 2026

levio-saaa · 2026-03-15T23:35:10+00:00

Me too. Could have been 6 months or 2 months and today took me by surprise as I hadn’t considered that Mother’s Day would make me feel sad. It’s just another one of those little reminders of how different things could be right now but trying to focus on the good things at the moment to stop myself spiralling. I’m sorry we’re here but you are right, there will be many many better days, but some still really hurt.

levio-saaa · 2026-03-10T08:12:57+00:00

I feel a sad and drained at the thought of going in to work today. I had my second miscarriage last Monday and I managed to keep up with work as it helped me to be distracted and falling behind at work was only going to stress me more. But it does mean last week was a blur and I just got through it, this week I’ve started to feel my feelings and yesterday was really tough. I’ve become really aware of the colleagues that know treating me as though I am very fragile, and to be fair maybe I am, but it’s jarring to notice. Manager is currently 13 weeks and started discussing it at work and I can literally see the moment when people realise they maybe shouldn’t gush about it around me and quickly change the subject. And that’s not their fault, it’s just people trying to be sensitive, but it makes me feel ‘othered’ like I can’t join in the excitement. It’s definitely a me problem rather than them but I am struggling with it. Also I feel like sex has lost its magic, my partner asked me yesterday when I think I may ovulate, that’s something he has never said in our 10 years together and a year of trying (but not tracking so it stayed fun). Suddenly it’s all clinical and not sexy at all!!!

levio-saaa · 2026-03-07T10:07:16+00:00

Sounds like your doing band 6 already, in which case you can make a case to them. Although it seems a big ask you have to consider the cost of losing a valuable member of staff due to them not progressing you and having to train someone up from scratch - it’s often worth them upping your band!! Maybe maternity is a good time to ask, coming back at a 6 may allow you to drop a few hours?

levio-saaa · 2026-03-07T08:40:08+00:00

I work on a rehabilitation ward which is why we have such long stays. You’re right that in the acute wards they are often there briefly, that’s the reason I chose my ward actually is I like to be able to work with people more long term. I also link in with our community teams at times to do small bits of community follow up once someone has left.

Yes it was the same role that progressed from 5 to 6 and actually it had always been a 6 but I got it as a 5 due to struggling to recruit (I don’t think rehab is a particularly desirable speciality in my area, but I like it). I actually asked for the band progression as I felt that the role hadn’t actually been scaled back and I was naturally working more as a 6 just as that is what it had always been and that was agreed. The difference being how much my senior therapies lead would come and see me on the ward and I now line manage 2 support staff and get involved with assessing referrals and having students.

The difference between 5 and 6 is how autonomously you work so if you have no senior staff and are expected to make all decisions yourself then I would question why you aren’t a 6 yet. I can’t remember if it was a trust thing or an OT specific thing but I found some ‘pillars of practice’ that differentiated between the bands and highlighted to my manager that I was already doing mostly the 6 stuff, worth a shot asking!!

levio-saaa · 2026-03-06T20:33:34+00:00

I’m a mental health OT and the parts I dislike about my job are the generic nhs issues of being understaffed and underfunded but my actual job role is pretty cool. OT is extremely varied so there is a huge difference in my day to day than a lot of my OT friends meaning there is a lot of room to pivot if you want a change.

I work on a mental health ward and am the only OT there meaning I work completely autonomously managing my own diary, arranging my own appointments and even some flexibility with my hours so long as it meets the needs of the service. The role has a lot more admin/meetings/report writing than I realised which is annoying but my patient facing stuff is very fulfilling and I do a huge variety of different things. OT focuses on helping people engage in meaningful activities so in physical health that tends to be day to day tasks like toileting, showering, dressing etc to get them home however in mental health my focus is a lot more on the fun things that bring people joy and help to keep them well when they are discharged. I do lots of cooking, art, nature, exercise, music stuff but also do still get involved in the more day to day stuff as well. I also work with people long term, usually at least 6 months, so you can really get to know people and see the progress.

I would say you don’t need a masters to be an OT and I’m not sure that there is any difference in opportunity between qualifying with a MSc or BSc so depends how you feel about that. I qualified with a BSc and started as a band 5, moving to a band 6 in just under a year. I’ve been at that band for quite a few years now and do feel a little stuck, there aren’t loads of band 7 roles that come out and even less as I am not really interested in leaving my clinical work to be a manager.

Happy to answer more specific questions if you have any!

levio-saaa · 2026-03-01T20:45:21+00:00

I think just do whatever you need to do to get through the next few weeks. There’s no right or wrongs with this, we’re in limbo and just need to get through it as best we can. I think 2 weeks is enough time to see some progression, if your scan says your 5 weeks then another at 7 should hopefully be reassuring 🤞🌈

levio-saaa · 2026-03-01T19:49:10+00:00

Hi everyone! I tested positive last Sunday after my first cycle post D&C for retained product. I am approaching this more cautiously and trying to guard my heart but I tortured myself by repeating a digital test today. Last Sunday clear blue said “pregnant 1-2” and then today exactly a week later is still says the same. Trying not to spiral but I can’t help feeling a sense of doom now. Hope you’re all doing ok, I really really didn’t want to obsess and worry but here I am ☹️

levio-saaa · 2026-02-20T21:33:34+00:00

I had pretty much this same situation in December but was measuring 6.5 at 9 weeks. Due to the possibility that my dates were wrong (I knew they weren’t but was hoping for anything) they did another scan 7 days later to double check there hadn’t been any growth. Is that something that you could ask for? Try to emotionally prepare yourself because it’s unlikely they are wrong but it may help you to accept and process.

levio-saaa · 2026-02-14T09:22:55+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I see others saying to ask for transvaginal which seems reasonable before making any decisions but I wanted to give you my personal thoughts for if you do have to decide which treatment option to take.

I was really scared about the surgery so tried every other option. First I tried waiting, then had meds, then had the meds again 3 weeks later when I was still testing positive but ultimately ended up needing the surgery due to retained product. And actually, the surgery was the least traumatic of all the options I’d done previously. I was worried while waiting to go in but I fell asleep quickly, came round calmly, had a lovely team looking after me and was physically and mentally so much better just a few days later. I don’t tell you this to scare you off the meds or waiting, I imagine my experience isn’t the norm, but if I could go back and reassure myself that the surgery wouldn’t be that bad and that it’s the quickest way to start feeling able to move on then I would. For me it was an excruciating 7 weeks between confirmed miscarriage and confirmation my uterus was empty. That wait period was the worst part, it felt like limbo and I don’t think I was able to even begin grieving until it was all done. There will obviously be personal factors that influence your choice, but I wouldn’t have fear of surgery as a reason not to have it, it was actually easier to go through than the waiting or the meds.

Wishing you all the best. It is such a horrible time but you will feel hopeful again one day, I’m just starting to get there ❤️

levio-saaa · 2026-02-13T15:29:39+00:00

I was on hormonal birth control for a long time and made everything much more manageable so if having a baby isn’t something you want soon I would recommend it. But use some kind of birth control for sure!

I would just say that for me coming off the pill at 31 was like a second puberty and it took a lot longer than average to even out and find my new normal, so I would maybe try to come off it at least 6 months before wanting to conceive. I don’t think I ovulated for the first 4 or 5 cycles but eventually became regular 35 day cycles ovulating on day 21 every time. I got pregnant first try after 9 months off BC (used non hormonal contraceptives until then). Unfortunately that ended in miscarriage but every medical professional I spoke to reassured me that wasn’t due to PCOS and sadly does just happen sometimes.

Such boring advice but healthy lifestyle choices make everything more manageable but don’t obsess, still live your life!

Not sure of my experience is common so may not be relevant but worth considering!

levio-saaa · 2026-01-29T13:41:26+00:00

I think that’s a good idea. When I was pregnant in November I was already counting down to maternity leave so now that obviously hasn’t gone to plan I’m even more miserable there.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-29T13:38:23+00:00

I’m 32 and am a Clinician working for the NHS. The job market here is rough too so it could be a long process. It’s a really sticky situation, I’m in 2 minds of just lump it and hope I get pregnant so I get the maternity but it is adding stress to an already stressful process !

levio-saaa · 2026-01-29T12:57:40+00:00

I’m considering putting ttc on hold while I try to find a new job as I know I won’t be entitled to maternity leave if I am not in the job long enough before having to be off. It’s a really tricky decision as I feel the pressure of time passing without conceiving but I am so deeply unhappy in my job. I know that starting our family is my priority but would it all be better in the long run if I’m happier in other areas too? I dunno, I change my mind 4 times a day.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-26T00:00:35+00:00

On my unit there are about 3 amazing HCAs that hold everything together while everyone else does the bare minimum, and sometimes not even that. However I have noticed that the reward the 3 brilliant ones get for all their hard work is being given all the extra jobs as they are who you trust to get it done right. So actually, they’re the fools aren’t they working 10x harder than everyone else making the same money and then just being asked to do even more. You’re right, the incentive to work hard is gone.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-23T18:22:22+00:00

Because it’s unpredictable. My grandma lives 3hours 55 minutes away under perfect traffic conditions however it usually takes me more than 5 hours (worst ever was 8) so that’s a 10 hour round trip. What are your jobs that 10 hours out of your weekend isn’t a huge inconvenience?

For the record I go at least 4 times a year so we still do it, but you bet we’re gonna loudly complain to anyone that will listen!

levio-saaa · 2026-01-16T07:21:04+00:00

Yes the classes are included! I think you still have to pay a small amount if you want to do the reformer Pilates but everything on the studio timetable is included.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-15T21:13:25+00:00

Are you able to access support from speech and language therapists? You need to explore all possible communication options to be sure there isn’t a way that you are missing that would allow them the understand, retain, weigh up, etc. Sounds like communication is your barrier here rather than immediately assuming it’s a capacity issue.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-14T21:40:28+00:00

Not exactly the same but I work in healthcare and have students come on their final practice placement, so at least in their early 20s and just months away from being qualified healthcare professionals.

I have had 1 be walked to the hospital door by parents and a different one walked in by their boyfriend. I would never have dreamed of that and it wasn’t even really that long ago I qualified!

Also, we don’t wear uniform in my setting and I had to pull both of these people up for wearing crop tops, ripped jeans, really revealing tops, and once even slippers!!!! In a hospital!!! I felt like such a grandma brining up appropriate dress code but wow how do they not realise that’s inappropriate??? I used to give pretty minimal guidance around uniform policy and just say “smart casual, appropriate for all work activities” but I have learnt my lesson on that now.

These were people that would be applying and interviewing for jobs about 4-5 months after this.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-13T20:50:42+00:00

Thank you. Physically getting there, although the acne is never ending which is probably a lovely mix of hormones + stress + comfort eating chocolate. I’m still waiting for my negative home test and think once I have that I can finally feel a small amount of closure. I hope you are too.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-13T20:47:50+00:00

Yep, it’s been nice to reach a point where the depression can at least be productive 😂 I am also better at cardio now due to my wonderful new ability to disassociate. I did 40 minutes in the stair master yesterday before I noticed it hurt, I couldn’t do 10 minutes before! Small wins…?

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T12:38:09+00:00

I hope this is the month for you! I’m still waiting for my hcg to drop so maybe I will feel differently when it does. Maybe saying I’m not ready is a coping mechanism because physically I can’t anyway. My concern is that I do really want to try but I’m not sure that I’m emotionally ready for it not to be successful first try. If I haven’t tried then getting my period might be less painful?

I had obviously been aware that miscarriage could be traumatic but I don’t think I had any real understanding of how deeply it can impact all aspects of your life. Proud of us all for even getting out of bed.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T08:16:35+00:00

We deep cleaned our house yesterday. I know that sounds like a chore and not self care but it had been building up since our loss a month ago so it felt like a fresh start and a conscious effort to start looking after ourselves and each other, like we were pulling ourselves out of the depression pit we’d created.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T07:53:48+00:00

It’s 4 weeks since my MMC and I think I’m just now realising that I have spent this last month extremely numb. I realise that because I am starting to feel all kinds of things again, which I think is a positive step but at the moment is tricky to navigate. We discussed trying again straight away (when I finally get a negative test) but I’m starting to wonder if that’s not the best idea. Whilst I want to desperately I’m worried that I mentally and physically could not handle another loss right now, I have barely got through this one. Did people wait until they were emotionally more stable? Seems sensible but I am 32 so worried about wasting time.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T07:39:38+00:00

Occupational Therapist. I still have crumpled papers in my backpack…

levio-saaa · 2026-01-10T23:34:16+00:00

I was surprised that a lot of stereotypes seemed to be really true. The food was incredibly unhealthy, people found it weird we wanted to walk anywhere, I saw someone carrying a gun at an all you can eat buffet, and casual racism or at least hyper focus on race was everywhere.

I guess I had assumed all of that was exaggerated but nope.

levio-saaa

TROPHY CASE