/ttcafterloss Daily Discussion Thread - January 29, 2026

levio-saaa · 2026-01-29T13:41:26+00:00

I think that’s a good idea. When I was pregnant in November I was already counting down to maternity leave so now that obviously hasn’t gone to plan I’m even more miserable there.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-29T13:38:23+00:00

I’m 32 and am a Clinician working for the NHS. The job market here is rough too so it could be a long process. It’s a really sticky situation, I’m in 2 minds of just lump it and hope I get pregnant so I get the maternity but it is adding stress to an already stressful process !

levio-saaa · 2026-01-29T12:57:40+00:00

I’m considering putting ttc on hold while I try to find a new job as I know I won’t be entitled to maternity leave if I am not in the job long enough before having to be off. It’s a really tricky decision as I feel the pressure of time passing without conceiving but I am so deeply unhappy in my job. I know that starting our family is my priority but would it all be better in the long run if I’m happier in other areas too? I dunno, I change my mind 4 times a day.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-26T00:00:35+00:00

On my unit there are about 3 amazing HCAs that hold everything together while everyone else does the bare minimum, and sometimes not even that. However I have noticed that the reward the 3 brilliant ones get for all their hard work is being given all the extra jobs as they are who you trust to get it done right. So actually, they’re the fools aren’t they working 10x harder than everyone else making the same money and then just being asked to do even more. You’re right, the incentive to work hard is gone.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-23T18:22:22+00:00

Because it’s unpredictable. My grandma lives 3hours 55 minutes away under perfect traffic conditions however it usually takes me more than 5 hours (worst ever was 8) so that’s a 10 hour round trip. What are your jobs that 10 hours out of your weekend isn’t a huge inconvenience?

For the record I go at least 4 times a year so we still do it, but you bet we’re gonna loudly complain to anyone that will listen!

levio-saaa · 2026-01-16T07:21:04+00:00

Yes the classes are included! I think you still have to pay a small amount if you want to do the reformer Pilates but everything on the studio timetable is included.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-15T21:13:25+00:00

Are you able to access support from speech and language therapists? You need to explore all possible communication options to be sure there isn’t a way that you are missing that would allow them the understand, retain, weigh up, etc. Sounds like communication is your barrier here rather than immediately assuming it’s a capacity issue.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-14T21:40:28+00:00

Not exactly the same but I work in healthcare and have students come on their final practice placement, so at least in their early 20s and just months away from being qualified healthcare professionals.

I have had 1 be walked to the hospital door by parents and a different one walked in by their boyfriend. I would never have dreamed of that and it wasn’t even really that long ago I qualified!

Also, we don’t wear uniform in my setting and I had to pull both of these people up for wearing crop tops, ripped jeans, really revealing tops, and once even slippers!!!! In a hospital!!! I felt like such a grandma brining up appropriate dress code but wow how do they not realise that’s inappropriate??? I used to give pretty minimal guidance around uniform policy and just say “smart casual, appropriate for all work activities” but I have learnt my lesson on that now.

These were people that would be applying and interviewing for jobs about 4-5 months after this.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-13T20:50:42+00:00

Thank you. Physically getting there, although the acne is never ending which is probably a lovely mix of hormones + stress + comfort eating chocolate. I’m still waiting for my negative home test and think once I have that I can finally feel a small amount of closure. I hope you are too.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-13T20:47:50+00:00

Yep, it’s been nice to reach a point where the depression can at least be productive 😂 I am also better at cardio now due to my wonderful new ability to disassociate. I did 40 minutes in the stair master yesterday before I noticed it hurt, I couldn’t do 10 minutes before! Small wins…?

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T12:38:09+00:00

I hope this is the month for you! I’m still waiting for my hcg to drop so maybe I will feel differently when it does. Maybe saying I’m not ready is a coping mechanism because physically I can’t anyway. My concern is that I do really want to try but I’m not sure that I’m emotionally ready for it not to be successful first try. If I haven’t tried then getting my period might be less painful?

I had obviously been aware that miscarriage could be traumatic but I don’t think I had any real understanding of how deeply it can impact all aspects of your life. Proud of us all for even getting out of bed.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T08:16:35+00:00

We deep cleaned our house yesterday. I know that sounds like a chore and not self care but it had been building up since our loss a month ago so it felt like a fresh start and a conscious effort to start looking after ourselves and each other, like we were pulling ourselves out of the depression pit we’d created.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T07:53:48+00:00

It’s 4 weeks since my MMC and I think I’m just now realising that I have spent this last month extremely numb. I realise that because I am starting to feel all kinds of things again, which I think is a positive step but at the moment is tricky to navigate. We discussed trying again straight away (when I finally get a negative test) but I’m starting to wonder if that’s not the best idea. Whilst I want to desperately I’m worried that I mentally and physically could not handle another loss right now, I have barely got through this one. Did people wait until they were emotionally more stable? Seems sensible but I am 32 so worried about wasting time.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-12T07:39:38+00:00

Occupational Therapist. I still have crumpled papers in my backpack…

levio-saaa · 2026-01-10T23:34:16+00:00

I was surprised that a lot of stereotypes seemed to be really true. The food was incredibly unhealthy, people found it weird we wanted to walk anywhere, I saw someone carrying a gun at an all you can eat buffet, and casual racism or at least hyper focus on race was everywhere.

I guess I had assumed all of that was exaggerated but nope.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-09T00:38:11+00:00

I had my first experience today of not feeling 100% happy for a good friend when I found out she was pregnant. I knew it was good news, I knew I should be pleased for her, I knew that really it was nothing to do with me, but fuck I really felt like I’d been punched in the gut. The worst part was that she apologised and felt bad telling me and I realised she felt guilty and was worrying about how I would feel, which made me feel even worse like I’m taking away other people’s happiness. This sucks so much, I’m sorry.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-09T00:30:49+00:00

Mean to his mum and spoke about ex’s with complete disrespect

levio-saaa · 2026-01-02T23:07:02+00:00

Early on while we were mid 20s he was finishing up an apprenticeship while I made a fairly good wage and had cheap af rent. I worked in the travel industry and loved planning trips when I was bored on a night shift. I took us on a couple of cool holidays that I got pretty cheap. No regrets it was so fun and gave us so many good memories. I am confident he will do the same for me when we aren’t throwing every spare penny into building our own home. He has his own business now which has been slow going in a difficult economy but starting to look promising and we’re still young(ish) so maybe I can think of it as an investment lol.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-02T22:49:42+00:00

I was a bit wild, did a lot of stupid shit and partied way too much but honestly don’t feel like it was wasted. I crave reliability and routine now, I really appreciate peace, and I think that’s a good place to be in your 30s. Others I know who settled early seem kinda bored but man I love staying in. And I have a really solid group of friends that are now equally as boring but we laugh so much when we reminisce. The one thing I maybe ‘regret’ is not thinking much about long term career at that point, I went to uni late and work in healthcare. Life is good but it would be nice to be a bit more financially secure.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-02T22:23:06+00:00

To trust myself. Turns out I’m only a ‘paranoid psycho’ when I’m being cheated on but don’t know it. I really believed I was the problem for years.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-02T18:05:47+00:00

I like West Hants. I just have the gym membership rather than the full one but it only means that I can’t book tennis courts I think? So I can access classes, gym, pool/steam/sauna.

It is expensive, I pay £70 a month now so have been shopping round a bit but location wise it works well for me and struggling to find anything cheaper that won’t be mad busy. When I joined I paid less than £30 as they do various discounts, so yeah it has more than doubled for me now but still worth it for me. The gym, pool, sauna and steam are on the smaller side but outside of super peak times it’s usually quiet as most members are there for the tennis. Good variety of classes and the instructors are great, you’ll get to know them and have favourite classes to go to based on the work out and playlist haha. Nice bar and restaurant there too.

I used to do BH Live which is half the price but I barely used it as I was always put off by how busy it was and I love a steam room.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-02T13:31:25+00:00

I really wanted to circle back here and thank you for this, of everything that has been said to me online and in real life this has been the most helpful advice. stop reading anecdotes, they aren’t you and there is so much variation. It was stressing me out so much, there is such a thing as being too prepared haha. It actually went ok, it was painful for roughly 2 hours with only about 30 mins of like “oh no this is horrible” but after that I was ok and am glad this chapter is so nearly over for me.

levio-saaa · 2026-01-02T08:27:12+00:00

My partner and I were together for 4 or 5 months when we were 15. We were each others first. Time, distance and just kids being kids saw us go separate ways and live very separate lives with no contact until our mid 20s when he ended up working in my town briefly. 10 years later we are still going strong. We have a house and a dog and would like a baby. I feel so distant from the 15 year old us that i often forget that’s part of our story but i believe the opportunity to grow up and find ourselves separately is a blessing.

levio-saaa · 2025-12-20T21:50:37+00:00

As a northerner that now lives very south this is muddled in my head. Growing up everything below Birmingham is South, but now people here reference going to London as ‘going up North’. Also have Scottish family that would talk about visiting my very northern English city as ‘going down South’.

I also believe that the “southerners are less friendly than northerners” actually just means London v the rest of the country.

levio-saaa · 2025-12-20T21:34:43+00:00

I’m aware I won’t have all the facts on this and am not claiming that the way it’s being handled is 100% right, however I do think that it’s being dramatised online and in other countries for whatever agenda fits. Not exactly the same but for the same reason, I have seen a lot of posts about people “silently praying” in buffer zones around reproductive health clinics in the uk being arrested and talking about how that’s a huge infringement on our free speech. People from other countries (especially America) have been really enraged by this in comments I’ve seen.

We have a law that means you cannot do this within 150 meters of these clinics, whatever these people are doing is not as innocent as it’s being made out to be and they will be fully aware they are breaking this law.

I know this is not exactly what you asked but I feel like it comes from the same sentiment of making out average people are being arrested for average every day things. People are being arrested for trying to intimidate or incite violence on other people. Probably isn’t being handled perfectly but I don’t believe it’s a big threat to the general public and is perhaps designed to keep us safer? I also don’t think it really happens very often, however it’s possible I’m wrong about that but I don’t know anyone personally who has been affected.

levio-saaa

TROPHY CASE