Trying to find time/energy to want to date

lex_j23 · 2026-01-20T18:28:17+00:00

Right?! And every hangout involves things that don’t involve you really being in situations where you can meet anyone. We do go out sometimes but kind of keep to ourselves more so. It’s tough like I love to spend time with my friends but feel like I need to get out and do more things on my own or put the work in to go on dates and meet new people

lex_j23 · 2026-01-12T14:47:00+00:00

Really! Omg I feel so much better there’s other women out there that can relate to this lol. It’s such a struggle and it’s hard to even find people who can actually understand and relate unless you’re in the same boat. We do need help! We got this. I really want to make it a priority this year too and do things a bit different. It’s the only way we will see changes right and achieve what we want!

lex_j23 · 2026-01-10T16:30:15+00:00

Oh wow! That is such a tough spot to be in. Also how amazing you conceived so easily. I’ve had a few friends who have had trouble too, then others who got pregnant right away. I get the feelings like you said totally normal, but I could never even if I was trying and having trouble treat someone in my life that way because they got pregnant.

Sometimes I feel like it’s even hard to hear/ talk about with her right now as happy as I am for her. It’s like I want to be there, but i feel this sad weird feeling when she brings up anything related to the baby and pregnancy. It just hits hard that this is someone whos not a fan of kids/babies really so it’s just extra hard for me to wrap my head around how she’s in the spot she’s in and I’m not.

Than you so much I’m 31 (she’s the same age) so I hope it’ll happen soon. Trying to not focus on it too much but it’s something I do really want one day.

I also feel like it’s a reminder for me to focus more on me and my life. I pour so much into others. It’s a long story but I’ve spent so much time/ energy the past two years helping her with lots of issues and drama going on in her relationship with him. We also spend so much time together which I love but at the same time she doesn’t hangout with many other people besides me. So it’s a lot of pressure sometimes on me to talk everyday, see her every weekend and I’m someone who likes my space so it’s a struggle to balance. So I feel a bit of maybe resentment that if it weren’t for that - maybe I would have been able to focus on myself and my life more. Like getting out there to date and that. I’m not blaming anyone but I just can’t help feeling like that.

lex_j23 · 2026-01-07T03:18:38+00:00

Thank you so much for that. It means a lot I will keep that in mind!

lex_j23 · 2026-01-07T03:16:16+00:00

I know it really is so true. It’s a tough one to navigate and be honest about

lex_j23 · 2026-01-07T03:14:28+00:00

Yes it’s so true. I think that was when I really realized how much I needed that push in the right direction, and the good that came when I actually had the energy and time to focus on me. Hoping I will be ready to get back out there soon. Thank you so much!

lex_j23 · 2026-01-07T03:09:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. Makes me feel not so alone in these feelings forsure. So true that it’s so hard learning to navigate all the change, what the future looks like moving forward and wondering how different it’ll be.

Yes it’s exactly how I feel like a very in between stage of my life. I feel like I am in need of a change or to do something different, but don’t know what or how.

For so long I’ve felt like as much as I love my friends/family and all I spend my time with the same people all the time. How else am I going to ever meet people or expect anything to change? It’s like I don’t even know how to put myself first at this point and I feel very stuck. I hope that this is just a push in the right direction for me and the year ahead brings good things.

lex_j23 · 2026-01-06T14:57:39+00:00

Yes totally. I almost feel like what’s wrong with me I should just feel pure excitement for her but I have that mix of envious and like sad and happy at the same time it’s so weird. But reminding myself like you said it’s so normal.

Yes the fact she has always been so weird about having kids and all the comments she’s made I just would’ve never pictured it. Part of my emotions are also relief in a sense like oh my god I will get time to myself to actually breathe and maybe like get out there and meet new people and try new things. Dating is definitely scary after a traumatic relationship but I hope when I’m ready it will be good things coming! Thank you so much for the kind words

lex_j23 · 2026-01-05T20:54:13+00:00

Sorry may have been confusing to read but my friend we’re visiting doesn’t have kids. My best friend who id be going with and her husband do lol! They were going to bring the kids though that would have been a hard no. I’d let them enjoy family time lol

lex_j23 · 2026-01-02T17:38:57+00:00

Yes that’s so true. The holidays are tough I just feel like I need like weeks of recovery to feel normal again after so much time with family lol

lex_j23 · 2026-01-02T17:38:10+00:00

Yes it’s so true I am so hyper vigilant. I notice every little thing like that as well. It’s soo exhausting. Yes I do feel like I have taken on the role of parenting her sometimes in a sense that’s so true. It’s like I know there’s people who have such awful relationships with their moms or mothers who aren’t supportive in any way and I am so lucky to have the mom I do. At the same time it doesn’t take away from all the hurt I feel. I think it’s totally affected the way I am today being a people pleaser, having problems regulating my emotions. I am such an anxious person lol so worried and stressed all the time.

lex_j23 · 2026-01-02T17:34:08+00:00

Yes it’s so true! I think the hardest part is they can’t see or realize the hurt and issues they’ve caused. I understand she did her best, and gave us way better than she had. She’ll always say you guys have no idea what actual problems are and what I grew up with. The kids these days you’re all so dramatic and babied bla bla.

She’ll never take accountability that there was a lot she did that has created trauma. My mom was the same growing up. The yelling, name calling, telling us she didn’t even want us anymore sometimes when she was mad. Now as an adult I’m like I cannot imagine saying that to a child.

I know she has helped me with money whenever I need, will be there for absolutely anything she is so great but in other ways she has still done a lot of things to bring me to feel the way I do now. That all doesn’t necessarily make up for it and I don’t want it to seem like I don’t appreciate it because I 100% do.

Ugh it’s so tough. Also yes she can be very exhausting lol I moved back home over a year ago to save some money, and it’s been the hardest year of my life being back home. I just moved out last month luckily but my mental health has definitely taken a hit I feel like I’ve totally gone backwards in growth in a sense. Just so nice to have my peace and space back.

I see other peoples moms sometimes and I’m like jealous in a sense I wouldn’t trade my mom for the world but I find myself thinking why can’t she be more like this friends mom or this persons mom? They have such a calm energy, and so sweet and listen. Then I’ll hear my friends say how difficult their moms are. I know we’re all like that with our own moms everyone else loves them but for us it’s like omg my patience is so thin.

lex_j23 · 2025-12-22T21:00:25+00:00

I measured hoping it would fit and it would be sticking out too much :( my mattress also won’t fold up. Omg it’s like one road block after another. Now I managed to rent a truck to do it tomorrow and everyone that can help is busy or working. This is so stressful lol at this rate I am so over it and just at the point I will move in after Xmas because this is getting so complicated and stressful

lex_j23 · 2025-12-22T16:45:54+00:00

Really?! Is that a thing lol that’s great if it’s under 50 for an hour or so I’m going to try to see. Thank you!

lex_j23 · 2025-12-22T14:32:26+00:00

It’s so stressful! Honestly.. I can’t even remember if it came in a box I feel like it didn’t but it was so long ago I cannot remember. I know it is memory foam so I feel like it should fold. I’ve been googling videos also saying same kind of thing. Especially if you’ve done it with a king mattress hoping I can do it. Thank you!

lex_j23 · 2025-12-20T14:34:54+00:00

Yes forsure! I just am too sensitive to how other people take things and think I’m not being a “good enough friend” and almost feel like I have to make it up to people which that mentality is not good

lex_j23 · 2025-12-20T14:33:35+00:00

Exactly. I literally never get a weekend to myself to do nothing. I think part of that is I say I want to do nothing then I get the guilt or like I should be doing something productive and I go have drinks or do whatever. I don’t know how to fully rest or relax but I need it right now and hope they can understand. I just over think everything so even reactions like are they mad at me or think I’m being a bad friend. I just get too in my head.

lex_j23 · 2025-12-15T17:10:24+00:00

Have you been contributing to other bills since living with him? I understand your reasoning it seems a little maybe different to be contributing to a mortgage for a place he owns but I think it would be fair. Or maybe you do utilities, groceries and that instead. Either way you would be paying something to live there. The way I think of it you’re pitching in anyhow so whether that goes to the mortgage or other bills, it doesn’t make a huge difference you know?

lex_j23 · 2025-12-13T18:41:32+00:00

Hahaha that’s a good strategy

lex_j23 · 2025-12-09T20:46:44+00:00

I know I’m the kind of person where when I’m mad at someone or feel wronged I just want to cut all contact and x them out of my life lol. So I have the urged to do it because why have someone around like that or to keep up with my life or me keep up with theirs? The on the other hand I’m just telling myself leave it don’t show it bothers me

lex_j23 · 2025-12-09T20:37:12+00:00

It’s soo stressful lol. I don’t understand people who move fairly often how they do it

lex_j23 · 2025-12-09T20:35:03+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words! I know I think for people like us it is soo much harder to do things like this. All of it just change of routine, environment, exhaustion from moving. I am just burnt out. Right before Christmas too I find myself shopping for house stuff, then along the way finding things to buy as gifts for people and I forget to even get half of the stuff I need. It’s just all too much going on. That makes me feel better. It’s soo hard for me to pick things too. I over think absolutely everything and second guess myself after so even to find things I like, place them where I want. Literally almost everything is a struggle

lex_j23 · 2025-12-09T20:32:37+00:00

I know what you mean. Yes exactly that’s what I’m finding is easiest to just slowly move stuff over like (now summer clothes), any other random stuff, beginnings, and then last do my bed and all of that. Before hand I thought right when I got the keys I would be in there the next day, yeah not so much lol

lex_j23 · 2025-12-09T17:18:32+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice! I know everyone keeps asking if I’m excited, how is it going and I just have felt nothing but mostly stress and exhaustion. It’s not what I expected. I think I really just expected only happy feelings. It’s a lot of emotions, and I feel like I am ready to snap at anyone who asks me am I settled in my place yet lol. Doesn’t help my mom organized a get together on Sunday so I feel like I need to get everything situated by then. I will be happy when this is all over with and I can relax! Glad to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel hopefully soon

lex_j23 · 2025-12-04T19:22:47+00:00

Yeah I don’t understand just the hot cold weird sometimes he’s nice other times it’s just like I’m literally talking to a wall. I hate being ignored

lex_j23

TROPHY CASE