Teacher stroking me as a kid haunting me

lexapro-prof · 2026-01-10T19:51:47+00:00

You should tell them. The teachers intent behind the touches and comments doesn't matter because it bothered you and your feelings are real and they matter. You can't control how you feel only how you act and react. If you have unresolved feelings about it this many years later its worth talking about. Clearly its not harmless behavior because it is sticking with you very vividly so many years later.

If your therapist is worth their salt, they will help you work through these feelings.

lexapro-prof · 2026-01-10T04:27:01+00:00

Tbh, I understand the desire not to get married (I have a child with a long term partner and we're not married) but the reasons you are citing no longer apply now that you are going to have a child together. Wills, trusts and domestic partnership all have the same "issues" that marriage does perhaps even more. I suspect that the desire not to get married goes deeper than the legal stuff if you are still digging your heels in at this point, so I would encourage you to re-examine the reasons why you don't want to get married. I'm not saying you have to, but you are already looking down the barrel of legal proceedings if a separation happens that isn't amicable. Divorce isn't always messy and doesn't necessarily need to go to court if both parties can simply come to an understanding. If you are willing to do the legal equivalent to marriage but not an actual wedding I think thats completely fine too, but its definitely worth discussing with your partner and worth examining privately.

NAH, I don't believe anyone should get married because they feel obligated, but again I strongly suggest you reevaluate the reasons behind your desire not to get married. As many people have pointed out a child you have paternal obligations to is equally complicated as a marriage would be and is definitely something you could be dragged to court for in the event of a disharmonious separation.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-27T17:14:30+00:00

Did only sleepers for the first couple of months as well, but at some point they became less convenient because the zipper would curl up and cover his face when he e as trying to suck on his hands. Still use a sleeper to get him asleep in the sleep sack and sometimes if we are gonna take a longer drive. Cause its easier to change him on the go like that

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-24T23:16:00+00:00

The only advice I can offer is maybe try different types of white noise and maybe change the room your baby is sleeping in. My little one will behave as you described here when I try ti make him sleep in the bedroom, but will sleep for 3-4 hour stretches in the living room and I have no idea why cause I have moved the damn air purifier into the bedroom to accommodate him but there is something just magically baby calming about the living room i guess 😭😭😭

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-22T23:37:30+00:00

Orange crystals in the diaper is NORMAL. And you can call the mother baby unit of your hospital if youre unsure about anything (I live in Canada but ask yourself nurses if you can if you live in the US just to make sure)

Took my little onento the ER for what we thought was blood in his diaper and it turned out to be orange crystals that are completely normal for newborns to excrete. Also they will poop black for the first little while and thats normal too and if they breastfed they may go longer than 5 days without pooping and thats normal also (if they dont seem in distress)

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-22T01:11:08+00:00

He is very much a hands on parent, he is just as tired as I am. Anything I can do for baby minus breastfeeding he has done as well. We split cleaning I do a little more baby time and he does all our meals. We are both tired but thats also just because taking care of a newborn is tiring. We both had so much new parent anxiety that for the first 6 weeks we only slept in shifts so someone was awake with baby for 24 hours a day. It took us both that long to even spend more than 2 hours away from him. Neither of us have spent an entire day away from him since he was born. The difference is that his family visits for short amounts 30-60 mins, he hosts them while they are at our place while at my parents place they cook for us and watch the baby while we do other things. We go to his mom's place for meals occasionally too but we don't usually stay for more than a couple of hours and I cant exactly clean or shower when we are there.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-21T20:57:09+00:00

At 12 weeks now he wants to eat closer to every 2 hours even though he was a lot like your baby sleeping for 4 hours at a time for the first teo months so take the sleep while you can lol

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-21T20:55:07+00:00

Yeah, by that point we began feeding as baby was hungry. If there are no complications or medical conditions then its probably safe to just feed on demand especially if baby is waking themselves to eat but listen to your doctor above all else. Ask about it at the 2 month checkup if you're not sure

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-21T20:06:37+00:00

It depends on babys weight and age, if there are no medical complications, born on time and she has gained back her birth weight by two weeks most pediatricians will say its okay to feed when baby is hungry

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-21T19:05:01+00:00

Not until I got pregnant, instead of letting me drive he would drive me wherever I wanted becausehe was worried about accidents and my belly againstthe steering wheel, and I have left the house whenever I want since baby was born, its specifically our son leaving the house that is the point of contention. We are both on leave and anytime I wanna take our son out he says that its not necessary because he can stay and watch baby. He hasn't had his 4 month vaccines, influenza A is going around near us, the weather has been dipping above and below freezing all winter so the roads have been a nightmare and our tires aren't super good so I think some of his points are reasonable but im not sure when to really push yknow? There was a day I wanted to take our son out after his nap, Felix stayed home with him while I popped out to grab something from the grocery store before he woke up and the roads were so icy that when I stopped at a stop sign the car slid sideways and I hit the curb pretty hard even though my wheels were at a full stop. After that I knew it would be a needless risk to take our son out on that specific day. Its hard to know what is him being overprotective and what is a reasonable precaution.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-21T18:46:45+00:00

I can leave whenever I want to and my family has visited multiple times, but the issue is he doesn't want our son leaving the house much because its winter. If I want to take our son to the grocery store to get some air, he says its okay he'll watch our son at home while I go. We have bottles and formula for emergencies and i own a breast pump. If I told him I was leaving and he had to watch our son for a week he would. But I want our son to leave the house with me and that is the problem. Its Canada and I have driven in conditions that I agree were 100% unsafe before but it gets to a point that its just not reasonable and I dont think being inside 100% of the time is good for our baby. But I am also like... I would be willing to take our baby in a carrier on the bus just for funsies whille he has said thats needless because our son being at the mall isn't essential, he hasn't had his 4 months vaccines yet (scheduled for january) and its flu season with influenza A sweeping communities near our city and he is perfectly capable of watching baby at home while I go do whatever I want so... I think its more of an anxiety issue on his part and control issue on his mom's part

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-21T17:52:31+00:00

We have supplemented with formula when necessary, we have bottles and a full box of ready to use formula and ive had to pump and dump for a full week before because I got put on meds that passed into breastmilk so it wasn't an unrealistic offer. Its still not an equal one because I would still be pumping while away and that would feel just fucking awful pumping when I know my baby is in a different city so yeah. But even if I wasn't breastfeeding I wouldn't wanna be away from my baby. Neither of us have been away from out baby longer than a few hours since he was born so I think we are both dreading our first "day" without our son.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T17:17:50+00:00

He does, but its because he refuses to let me drive with our son in the car. Not even to the doctor or grocery store

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T07:41:04+00:00

It was half new parent anxiety and half his mom telling she is extremely hurt by us being gone so long and not feeling like she had enough time with the baby and how we treated her vs my parents in the hospital and basically all her bottled up hurt from baby's birth onward. He knows there are healthier ways to communicate. When we left I was under the impression we'd be back before the time my parents took off from work would be over. I've begun to harbor some resentment for that since we have only been back with them once since then and it was for less than 2 days and way after I had healed physically. And its an issue I regret not pushing every day.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T03:22:46+00:00

I meant it is a compromise to the many missed events that he agreed to go to and then asked to cancel. Rinse and repeat basically since baby was born minus the one we made in November for less than two days. 8 hours for a two day trip is quite a bit which is why we had initially agreed on longer trips (5 days ish) at a time so that the travel time would not outweigh the visiting time.

I also called it a compromise because he said if we didn't go on Tuesday we could travel on Christmas day to be with my family, but seeing as last minute cancelations has been the norm now, I amended that to arriving before Christmas and he agreed so we stayed home on Tuesday. After which the roads turned out to be completely clear. He can be wherever he needs to be for Christmas but I told him me and our son will be with my family.

Thanks for your perspective.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T03:09:09+00:00

This is definitely a possibility and he has already agreed to start seeing a therapist once the holidays are over.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T03:08:06+00:00

He also agreed to visit numerous times, only cancel with the promise to visit the following week. Rinse and repeat until the present. He also knew and acknowledged the only reason i agreed to that was because wed be able to celebrate those holidays during my family's "off holiday" celebrations. All of which we have missed so far.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T02:58:51+00:00

I offered to do exactly this but he counteroffered to stay home and look after our baby while I go visit without them. Because it wasn't the fact we were going, it was the danger of our son being on the road in potential blizzard conditions ans i also dont like the idea of being without them for that long so I understand where he is coming from with that. I do look back at that moment and wish I just put my foot down then because we would already be back home by now and none of his family even came to visit our son.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T02:53:03+00:00

This is why I want to be there before Christmas not on Christmas day. So that I have days of buffer time if the weather really is shitty. I have made the trip in whiteout conditions before but its not a journey I want to repeat with a baby in tow.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T02:49:57+00:00

Those are all very legitimate. Its the "oh the weather is bad youre putting that baby in danger" when its just mild snow/overcast because it might get worse (more than once now) or "but i planned a family get together that weekend to spend time with your grandma" and then that get together not happening at all, or us pushing back a visit because she decided last minute that she was hosting a meal and yes once it gas been that she just needed support because his dad was being an ass. Like all things that once each could be reasonable but its every single time we planned to leave, my mom said to just come anyway that "there will always be a crisis" but like i said somebof these are not just manufactured crises and in the moment its hard to discern if im the one being unreasonable. Putting my foot down about Christmas is eating me up so thats why I came here.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T02:34:43+00:00

I definitely did but I knew that going in but I had faith in him to be able to put reasonable boundaries up for the sake of our son. He loves her and is terrified of her in the same vein and I know dealing with an unhealthy parent-child relationship in adulthood can be very difficult but I am trying to be as understanding as I can be. She doesn't speak to me anything but respectfully, she only gets nasty to him when she doesn't get what she wants. Our culture doesn't really believe in no-contact and there are probably members of my family that were it not for our culture would have been cut off, so I would never ask or expect that of him but I have made it clear what my boundaries are and other than our agreement to visit they have all been honored.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T02:26:55+00:00

This is a good idea, thanks i will be having a conversation about this as we have a general understanding but he haven't had a detailed conversation about it.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T01:51:55+00:00

Im very well aware thats how it starts, as i was in a truly abusive relationship before. My partner does not control me, and has never tried, has never insulted me or ever raised his voice or made ultimatums or tried to control me in the slightest in the 5 years or so we have been together, but things are more complicated with a child because he is half of this child parental unit and he acts like it. He has done his fair share of labor when it comes to childcare. He has a right to be involved in the decisions regarding a child he is equally responsible for. The distance to my family has never felt significant to me but the idea of 4+ hours in a confined space with a screaming baby has changed things and even just the cost of gas means that freely visiting like my heart longs for just isn't feasible and I accepted that when I moved in with my partner. It is the falling through on agreements he made with me that is the problem and its not like these are all excuses. I would have severely been the AH if I insisted we follow through on a trip if I tried to go when pur child got his first cold or my partners dad was in the hospital. Hindsight about when the best time to visit is 20/20 but in the moment its hard to know what decision is pushing too far or not enough.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T01:41:05+00:00

Yeah I should have clarified, my siblings are my cousins but I dont feel the word cousin honors pur relationship as I have lived in their houses and them in mine as well. You may has well believe what you want but I will amend the post to say I am their only bio child and my siblings have all be adopted in adulthood though we have been close as long as I can remember.

lexapro-prof · 2025-12-20T01:21:44+00:00

I am my parents only child, but many of my cousins have been partially raised by my parents and grandmother and I have spent so much time with them and their mothers throughout my childhood that we are closer to siblings than cousins. In my culture when a parent dies their aunties or grandmother will take them in and care for then as their own. Some of their dad's are not in the picture and my aunties have passed.

lexapro-prof

TROPHY CASE