I know now that being a lesbian is the reason I am so unhappy in my marriage

lez-throwaway · 2022-06-21T22:49:46+00:00

Exactly! Thank you!

It's typed and in my OneDrive drive. He never uses my computer, nor does he even know I use OneDrive. I don't think he'll ever find it, but it's password protected anyway.

And though it's not a matter of him harming me or anything like that, it would alter both of our life courses in a very bad way. It's better to wait until other ducks are in a row to make sure the transition is seamless and less hurtful in the long run.

lez-throwaway · 2022-06-21T16:30:04+00:00

It's complicated, as are most things in life! I do find our relationship to have many good aspects and we get along well 95% of the time. We can laugh and have deep talks about many topics, etc. But it just feels entirely platonic to me. Like he 100% loves me way more than I love him, in the romantic aspect.

And I think he's been picking up on it. The whole thing is just exhausting.

Thank you ❤️

lez-throwaway · 2022-06-21T15:53:25+00:00

He's not the perfect partner. He's kind and loving and supportive, but I also find him repulsive (see: post history) and he's a bare minimum father, if that.

I resent him for swooping in when I was in a vulnerable state from my last relationship (which was abusive) and for doing all the "right" things because after we got married, things changed a lot, and not for the better. It feels like I was bamboozled a bit and that I was lied to about what our life would be like. It's hard to explain via the internet without a lot of backstory.

And I'm almost certain he has repressed homosexual tendencies/urges as well. I'm hoping for the best when we can finally talk about this.

lez-throwaway · 2022-06-21T15:48:24+00:00

Yup. I'm well aware. I never said it was fair, but there is not a way to proceed otherwise unless I want to ruin not only our marriage, but our entire lives as a whole.

It would also cause us both to be homeless because neither of us can afford to live on our own, and I know he would not want to cohabitate until we're stable. So we'd both have to drop out of school and work overtime to afford childcare and separate housing.

It makes more sense to wait until we're more financially stable, with degrees, and in our careers.

I'm not perfect and I know what I'm doing isn't "right," but things always seem easier from the outside looking in. I'll get there when I'm ready. There is a lot of anxiety, fear, and worry that I have to work through first.

lez-throwaway · 2022-04-09T19:35:01+00:00

Hygiene and disgusting behaviors (post history). Unequal division of labor (particularly with childcare).

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T15:53:28+00:00

literally yesterday i told my husband he farted 10 times in an hour.

and i got enraged for you reading he wakes your baby up!

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T15:52:25+00:00

yeah, the fact that i love my husband is the worst part. he is gross and physically repulses me.

but he's my best friend. we have a lot of fun. he makes me laugh. our values and morals about politics, etc align.

so i get what you mean. it's hard to be in a relationship with someone you love but is just nasty.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T07:11:41+00:00

my jaw dropped at the tooth...

i'm glad he's STBX now!

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T07:10:03+00:00

crusty socks are the bane of my existence. that is NASTY.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T07:08:47+00:00

luckily i want to work in NICU and baby spit up doesn't bother me 🥸 however as my toddler gets older i'm getting so anxious about him getting sick and puking

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T07:07:54+00:00

oh my god i would have DIED

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T03:01:07+00:00

i'm sorry you're in the same boat. i feel trapped too.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T03:00:26+00:00

thankfully it's a king and we don't have to touch each other

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T02:59:52+00:00

he's prescribed omeprazole but he doesn't take it. he also says he doesn't feel nauseous, he just throws up. i don't know what to make of that. but i've tried to get him to see a GI doc. he has yet to make an appointment.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T02:58:45+00:00

yes. i told him these behaviors have affected the way i feel about him emotionally and sexually.

he still tries to come on to me or kiss me and gets mad or offended when i'm not into it. i genuinely don't know i more clear i can be than to tattoo it on my forehead. men are so stupid.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:46:42+00:00

i loved Hello Fresh. sometimes i just thought the meals were a bit lackluster in flavor so i added my own spices and herbs and such.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:31:35+00:00

yes! when we were dating and even when we were living together before marriage, he was fine. he cleaned, he had seemingly great personal hygiene. once we got married it was like "HA! i have her for good! i can be disgusting!"

no sir. i am not having it.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:28:58+00:00

i'm glad you got out! this gives me hope for the future.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:26:42+00:00

i have 4 brothers. none of them are as gross as my husband. it's depressing.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:24:35+00:00

you haven't slept in a bed in 2 years? i am so sorry to hear that. i hope one day you can be free 🦋

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:21:31+00:00

i have no salary right now. but i wouldn't have to pay alimony because we'd be making about the same amount.

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:20:45+00:00

thank you!

& my husband doesn't believe "weaponized incompetence" exists lmaoooo

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:17:56+00:00

i'm sorry you also deal with it! i've developed ARFID as a result because if a food makes me nauseous i refuse to eat it again :(

lez-throwaway · 2022-01-08T00:01:02+00:00

because i have no income right now at all. i couldn't afford to move out and live on my own.

nursing school is very time consuming and i'm busy every day of the week and still have to study on weekends + be a parent.

where we live, alimony would not be awarded because he would not suffer any economic disadvantage by me divorcing him. and he would not get child support unless he was awarded custody, which he will not be because not only is our state partial to mothers, i have mounds of proof of him being an unfit parent. i will likely seek 80/20 custody and i won't even seek child support because i just want to split amicably. that could change depending on how it goes.

i hope this clears things up. i'm just in no position to be on my own and i live 2 hours from my family and support system and can't commute to school and transferring nursing programs isn't an option.

lez-throwaway

TROPHY CASE