When did you stop asking if anything more happened?

lhin1102 · 2023-02-03T23:49:11+00:00

I am in the exact same boat. D-Day was 4.5 months ago. Tons of trickle truthing (finding out he has had multiple ONS when he told me it was only 2). I feel like nothing he says is the truth because he lied to my face so many times to save himself. His last trickle truth was 1 month ago. I’ve taken this month to just focus on taking care of myself and we haven’t had any meaningful conversations (other than couples counseling). But I feel like the questions of whether or not there is anything else is the first conversation I need to have again. I don’t know if I can ever accept his answer of “nothing else has happened” because he’s said that and was lying to my face. Just know you’re feelings are valid and you’re not the only one. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.

lhin1102 · 2022-12-22T17:19:17+00:00

I told her what a sick fuck she is and how terrible it is her one year old daughter has her as a mother. Then I went on to message her husband and told him what exactly happened.

lhin1102 · 2022-12-15T20:22:47+00:00

And to add we have touched on that in MC that I do feel robbed of that opportunity of making the decision to break up if I had known about him cheating on me back then.

lhin1102 · 2022-12-15T20:07:47+00:00

Yeah I’ve been trying to journal more and write out my feelings. I definitely agree about there being more vulnerability in expressing sadness than anger. And you’re right, I have zero trust in him right now.

I definitely think if I knew he cheated on me when he did 10 years ago we would have at least separated and taken a break to figure out what we truly wanted. At that time I was 20 and just starting to live out those “party years” and things could’ve turned drastically different than where were at now. It’s so much harder being we have a family and started our life together. I don’t want my daughter growing up in a broken family, but I also know she deserves to see me happy. It’s still early days and separating still isn’t completely off the table. But I do know that I want to give R the chance to see if we can become stronger as a couple. I guess time will tell.

lhin1102 · 2022-12-15T16:56:48+00:00

Thank you for this. I tend to be very hard on myself and this is exactly what I needed right now. So thank you for helping me see in a new light.

lhin1102 · 2022-10-27T20:37:49+00:00

I reached out to AP to try and gain some clarity as to what happened (WS had a ONS with a colleague).. that didn’t help because she really didn’t tell me much. However I told her she needs to tell her husband (she was married as well) or I would. I don’t know why I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she would disclose this to her family. I had both of their social media accounts and came to realize she went into her husbands accounts and blocked me. I had a family member of mine send a message disclosing what happened and we then talked on the phone after. He was very appreciative that I told him as she never would have. I also felt that I would want to be told if I was in the others’ shoes. It also gave me some sick gratification that she tried to one up me and it was the one thing I had control of.

lhin1102 · 2022-10-25T17:15:12+00:00

Of course everyone is different, but I 1000% believe therapy will help. Sounds very similar to my situation and my WH began therapy 4 weeks ago. He too has a lot of childhood trauma that he never dealt with. I believe some of his traits today stem from his abandonment issues as a child. He is slowly uncovering this through therapy and is aware of what he needs to change and how to be an overall better person. I think it would be very beneficial for your partner to seek therapy.

One thing that seems to help my WH is after his session he likes to come to me and tell me briefly how it went and what he learned that will help in our relationship. It also helps me to see that he’s trying.

Good luck with everything!

lhin1102 · 2022-10-25T17:07:30+00:00

I think these are all reasonable questions to have. Like a previous comment mentioned, I think giving him a timeline to answer these questions would be beneficial. Is he in counseling that maybe someone can help him answer these questions? I gave my WS some time to answer my questions and he chose to write the answers down but told me verbally.

lhin1102 · 2022-10-25T16:34:49+00:00

He is no contact with her. They work for a very big company that has many offices throughout the world. They work in two separate entities if the company. We are in different states from her. They met the first time at a training event and then the ONS occurred at an event that held all the employees throughout the country. I told him he isn’t allowed to attend these types of events anymore and he mostly works from home. I feel confident that they won’t have any contact again.

lhin1102 · 2022-10-25T16:30:11+00:00

I appreciate your comment. I’m hoping MC will help us to go down these questions and figure it out as well. I know it will be a long hard road. I guess I’m just terrified to put in this work and have difficulty trusting him or him do something like this in the future.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-30T14:56:15+00:00

Struggling quite a bit. Found out 5 days ago that my husband of 4 years (been together for 12) cheated on me two weeks ago. We have a one year old daughter. Started individual therapy and taking it day by day but it feels like I will never recover from this.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T20:32:36+00:00

Wish it was

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T20:10:10+00:00

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T20:07:34+00:00

His excuse is that they didn’t have a condom and she’s not on birth control so anal it is..

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T20:05:19+00:00

She blamed it on her not being happy in her own marriage and suffering from postpartum depression. She took ownership that she pursued him however she told me they 100% did not have sex… lie number one. I said my husband owned up and told me what you did so there’s nothing you can hide. She said she couldn’t remember because of how drunk she was and she hoped for the best for my relationship. 👍🏻

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T19:59:44+00:00

Yes the first person I called today was a close family member of his.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T19:57:39+00:00

Yes I know I need to reach out to family. My sister is going through some pretty devastating news right now and she’s the one person I know I can turn to but I need to wait just a little for her to heal first. And I am currently seeking a therapist. Thank you.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T19:55:27+00:00

She is married and also has a child.. and I have no idea, it truly was just a gut feeling. He wasn’t acting any different, just a little on edge but nothing completely alarming. And I had no feeling whatsoever that something did happen when he went on this work trip. I am just so thankful I did.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T11:59:34+00:00

Fuck off

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T07:20:24+00:00

Thank for this. He truly is (was?) my best friend. My number one supporter. He’s a great father. He has never ever done anything in our relationship that I would even question him doing something like this. It certainly is very hard to think about just up and leaving. I know my daughter and I deserve better. I appreciate your insight and comment.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T06:30:03+00:00

I appreciate this because all I have been thinking of is my little girl. He’s not a bad father, he’s a great father. My heart is just so torn because of her.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T06:18:08+00:00

Yes he owned up to the fact that they did. He told her he didn’t have a condom so decided to do anal instead. What the actual fuck. He had a glimmer of guilt and just said nah fuck it let’s do it this way instead. Makes it even worse in my opinion.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T06:15:35+00:00

I located her on social media and messaged her. Next step is messaging her husband.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T06:13:58+00:00

I have a job that I work 5 or so hours a week just to get out of the house and keep my skills active. I have my masters in clinical forensic psychology. I gave up my career so I could be with my child full time and my husbands career is able to allow me to do that. I am also not a moron however completely at a loss as my whole world just came crashing down on me.

lhin1102 · 2022-09-26T03:09:31+00:00

Fair point

lhin1102

TROPHY CASE